My story is about the dance team that saved me.
It was only the first week of sophomore year and I already felt behind. The kids I saw sitting alone at lunch now sat with a group, that one quiet girl in my english class finally made a friend and I still had absolutely nothing but late assignments to bring to school. As I walked into the building, I felt the strong cold air that gushed at me from the air conditioners but somehow my hands still sweaty and my body still felt warm. I dragged my feet up to the third floor where my English class with Mrs. Carey was. When she saw me walk in she quickly welcomed me with a hard bright smile and I smiled back. I liked Mrs. Carey, she took a liking in me despite my lack of words when she tried conversations with me. The room felt quiet and empty so I stayed quiet throughout the entire class. This must have been a mistake because as the bell rang, I felt a touch on my shoulder. Low and behold it was Mrs. Carey looking down upon me with concern all over her face.
â Whatâs wrong sweetie, you didnât say one word today.â I still remember the look she gave me that moved me to question my own self. I gulped and replied to her, â Iâm okay.â She looked at me again with the same look but then continued to laugh, â You donât have any friends donât you.â I sat straight up and even though she was confronting me her voice was still warm and kind which healed the sense of loneliness I had been feeling. In that moment, I felt myself admitting to her how difficult it had been for me to make relationships and connect with the people around me. Apart from Mrs. Careyâs warm voice that day I also noticed her sense of urgency with absolutely everything. Once I had confided in her she nodded and almost ran to get a flyer  from her desk. She placed it right in front of my face and smiled as she walked away.  It was a flyer for the schoolâs dance team. I could almost laugh but I didnât, I just stared at it.  At first, I wasnât sure, I had never thought of myself as the kind of person who would join a team, let alone a dance team I could barely make direct contact with my best friend. But the idea of being part of something, of meeting people who live quietly too, and maybe meeting people who felt as out of place as I did, stirred something inside me. For the first time that day, a sense of possibility bloomed, and I left the classroom with a bit of hope, imagining what it might be like to find a new rhythm, both in dance and in my life.Â
Your story beautifully captures the loneliness and struggle of feeling out of place, but also the hope that comes from small moments. I felt the weight of isolation, especially in the way you described the physical sensations of anxiety. Mrs. Careyâs warmth and gentle confrontation of your loneliness was so heartfeltâshe saw something in you that you might not have seen in yourself yet. The moment with the dance team flyer was such a turning point, sparking that quiet sense of possibility. Itâs relatable and inspiring, showing how even the smallest gesture can lead to meaningful change.
Great story. I like how descriptive you were with your wording, it kept me engaged in the story and made it easy for me to play out the scene in my mind as if I were watching a movie. Good job.
My story is about the dance team that saved me.
It was only the first week of sophomore year and I already felt behind. The kids who had been I saw sitting alone at lunch now sat with a group, that one quiet girl in my english class finally made a friend and I still had absolutely nothing but late assignments to bring to school. As I walked into the building [TIMELINE problem–you were already in the lunchroom and now you are entering the building??] , I felt the strong cold air that gushed at me from the air conditioners but somehow my hands still sweaty and my body still felt warm [good csd] . I dragged my feet up to the third floor where my English class with Mrs. Carey was. When she saw me walk in she quickly welcomed me with a hard bright smile and I smiled back. I liked Mrs. Carey, she took a liking in me despite my lack of words when she tried conversations with me. The room felt quiet and empty so I stayed quiet throughout the entire class. This must have been a mistake because as the bell rang, I felt a touch on my shoulder. Low and behold it was Mrs. Carey looking down upon me with concern all over her face.
âWhatâs wrong sweetie, you didnât say one word today.â I still remember the look she gave me that moved me to question my own self.
I gulped and replied to her, â Iâm okay.â
She looked at me again with the same look but then continued to laugh [WHY was she laughing?], âYou donât have any friends donât you.â
I sat straight up and even though she was confronting me her voice was still warm and kind which healed the sense of loneliness I had been feeling. In that moment, I felt myself admitting to her how difficult it had been for me to make relationships and connect with the people around me. [SHOW me the words, the dialogue here] Apart from Mrs. Careyâs warm voice that day I also noticed her sense of urgency with absolutely everything.
Once I had confided in her she nodded and almost ran to get a flyer from her desk. She placed it right in front of my face and smiled as she walked away. It was a flyer for the schoolâs dance team. I could almost laugh but I didnât, I just stared at it. [CSD Describe the flyer! WHAT were your thoughts about dancing â were you a dancer? Or just a beginner with no dance experience â WHY did dance attract you?] At first, I wasnât sure, I had never thought of myself as the kind of person who would join a team, let alone a dance team I could barely make direct contact with my best friend. But the idea of being part of something, of meeting people who live quietly too, and maybe meeting people who felt as out of place as I did, stirred something inside me. For the first time that day, a sense of possibility bloomed, and I left the classroom with a bit of hope, imagining what it might be like to find a new rhythm, both in dance and in my life. [good phrasing here]
Possible Title for your story: Finding A New Rhythm in Dance and in Life
WORK on paragraph breaks:
¡ New topic = New Paragraph.
¡ New Speaker in dialogue = New Paragraph
WHAT are the next events that will move your story forward?
Dance friendships? Dance competition?
Suggestion to read Student Adrian Coree Ed Narrative. Find in Ed Narrative REsources Left side tab next to Unit One Assignment page. He writes about how TEch Club saved him.