Sitting in the dim lit cafeteria in 12th grade, I heard my friends laughing and talking. No clue about what’s going on. While I was sitting there with a big fat 50 on my midterm exam papers. Out of all the 4 classes I was taking there wasn’t a single midterm I actually passed. I still remember how those thick 10 page quizzes with a 50 in thick red ink looked. I had every single midterm from every single class on that lunch table. My eyes couldn’t believe what I was staring at. But I actually could. It wasn’t surprising when I actually received those grades back but it still somehow managed to sink my heart below my guts.
Now I know those papers are never going to get in the hands of my parents. That wasn’t really a problem in my head, my parents didn’t really speak english that well. I knew that even if they saw those papers they wouldn’t know that it’s the grades of me failing in school. I left all those failing papers on my computer table in my room and hopped into bed.
CLARIFY — this scene starts in the lunchroom but ends with you hopping into bed????
NEED a few more CSD.
You write: I heard my friends laughing and talking. No clue SO WHAT WERE THEY SAYING? GIVE SOME DIALOGUE, exact words.
HOW could you just hop into bed? WHAT were you tyhinking and planning?
Make this opening more detailed and get some drama into it.
This could be a good opening. — but you haven’t given much writing.