My story is about how my girlfriend Amina helped me change my approach to school and inspired me to push through my struggles.
Amina and I didnât go to the same school, so it was easy for me to lie about my grades and attendance. We saw each other almost every day after school, usually hanging out in my parentsâ living room. I remember one day when she casually asked, âWhat kind of colleges are you looking into?â ,but all I could think about was whether I would even graduate on time. I was deeply in love with her, and I always wondered why she paid attention to me. It was her love and belief in me that struck me, motivating me to push through my struggles and be better for myself. That support pushed me to take control of my life in ways I hadnât before.
One memory that stands out is when Amina invited me to tour Boston University, her dream college. Her mom, Karen, suggested that we both apply, saying how fun it would be to go to school together. I remember feeling a mix of emotions, excitement for her, but frustration with myself. I knew my GPA wasnât good enough to qualify, and while it wasnât my dream school, it still stung knowing I wasnât living up to my potential. I had been using my mental health as an excuse for not doing well in school. That visit made me realize I was capable of more, and it sparked a change in me.
I think this is interesting because you are reflecting back on a difficult stage of your life. WHAT kind of mental difficulties were you facing? WHY were you underperforming in high school? Was this only senior year or a long pattern of underperforming?
Good opening (1) SCENE of college your and Amina’s college discussion but need CSD — WHAT school was Amina at? and you? WHAT year — junior year?
SHOW ME more of this conversation about colleges between you and Amina. HOW did you answer? WHAT were you feeling as you thought about your possible junior/senior year of failing? HOW did you tell her (or did you) that you were not doing well academicaly. This sounds like an awkward and revealing conversation, but you need more — SHOW me the dialogue — SHOW me the tension.
(2) Continue on to SHOW that SCENE at Boston University – so did you go to Boston U? WHAT was that tour like? HOW did you feel knowing she might go on to a big university like BU and you probably you weren’t going? OR was it all ok and was the tour just eye opening for you? I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW how that tour was and the effect on you.
Amina and I didnât go to the same school, [WHAT schools?] so it was easy for me to lie about my grades and attendance. We saw each other almost every day after school, usually hanging out in my parentsâ living room. I remember one day when she casually asked, âWhat kind of colleges are you looking into?â ,[MORE OF THIS CONVO, WHAT time of year? WHAT year â senior junior? WHAT did you say? WHAT did she say â more of the dialogue.]
All I could think about was whether I would even graduate on time. [WHAT were your grades? WHAT class were you failing?] I was deeply in love with her, and I always wondered why she paid attention to me. [HOW had you met? WHY were you wondering? HOW was she different than you?]
It was her love and belief in me that struck me, motivating me to push through my struggles and be better for myself. That support pushed me to take control of my life in ways I hadnât before.
One memory that stands out is when Amina invited me to tour Boston University, her dream college. Her mom, Karen, suggested that we both apply, saying how fun it would be to go to school together. I remember feeling a mix of emotions, excitement for her, but frustration with myself. I knew my GPA wasnât good enough to qualify, and while it wasnât my dream school, it still stung knowing I wasnât living up to my potential.
I had been using my mental health as an excuse for not doing well in school. [WHAT mental difficulties?]. That visit [WHAT was that visit to BU like? CSD] made me realize I was capable of more, and it sparked a change in me.
WHAT are the next events that show how Amina sparked this change in you? WHAT was the change in you?
Curious to know â maybe this can be an ending in your outline â WHERE did she end up going to college? ARE you still together? WHAT is the new vision you have for yourself?
That’s Really Cool Derek Its great to see that you cared so much for someone you loved that you changed for the better.