There are many things I can do to improve my essay but the approach I’m going to take that’ll drastically change my essay is writing a whole new one but carry the same point behind it. Of course, I’ll keep some things from the essay I’ve written, but reform it in a way where it’ll make a lot more sense to the reader with more details included. My essay currently jumps from many different points and doesn’t stick to one specific thing, which is my downfall, and is very vague, again my fault. I took the stupid route of procrastinating and rushing my essay in less than an hour and wrote it to meet criteria but my grade reflected poorly. I know what I have to do to improve it and the drastic approach is the only approach I can logically do. Having written a new introduction to adding emphasis to my point and after doing the presentations in class, it gave me a lot of inspiration on how to write the revision and what I have to include/remove. My new structure will definitely stick to one point and just create a branch of details stemming from that one point. Many of my peers who reviewed my essay, including the professor, stated that there were many points but not even details to build from it and that’s something I need to completely change in my revision. The presentation and my slides really made me realize what I need to say and how I can get my point across in regards to social media affecting the mind of students into hating it as many of the things said online about school really formed an opinion of resenting it.
