My plan to revise my essay is to start by changing my Audience, right now it’s for kids who come from an immigrant family and I think that I want to add someone who may be high athority because I want them to see and know that there is a real problem with mixing rascim and education. I want them to see that it’s not fair. I also want to fix my introduction, I want to make it really interesting and eye catching so that when someone is reading it they won’t get bored and they will want to continue reading. My essay also needs a good conclusion and I want it to wrap up my whole essay without repeating what my introduction says. I think I will do the introduction last so that I can do my main paragraphs first and then get ideas on what to put for my introduction. As professor Hall told me I should describe my scenarios more so that the reader can feel as if they were there with me. I will definitely do that and I hope the reader will feel more attached to my essay because if it. Something that I need to work on more too is my time. When I revise my essay I’m going to do it with time because I’ll fele less stress and I can focus on actually revising it.
