Category: Revision One

The mentor text that I chose for my first revision is “What is the importance of Education in One’s Life” by Nitish Soni on the “Inspire Advices” website. In the article there are a lot of scenarios presented where students would choose big paying majors instead of their passion. The writer states a list of what education is really about which is self improvement. They also state that education isn’t just in school, but within the world. Everyday is an education experience whether it is in or out of school. I like this article because it can help me reinforce my claim of education preparing students for the real world. There were some good examples of why education is important for doing so and does a good job of putting other claims to rest such as education being only for money when it is more about what you personally enjoy. The article basically states that education is determined based on how you view and use it, not what other people think who have not used it for self improvement. I believe that I can use a lot of good examples from this article in order to shape my own piece.

Mentor Article: “College Is Hard: Stick With It” By: Tamisha Worrell

Published in: The Companion For The First Year At City Tech: 5th Edition

I like how the writer describes different types of students in different situations and includes them in her discussion of her article. I also enjoyed the personal tone of her paper and usage of “you” including the reader in the work. Using “you” helps identify the audience as fellow students of City Tech. She continues in her article to describe her situation and the obstacles that she has to deal with in order to succeed in school. Her analysis of the importance of going through college to get a degree is stressed; when she puts focus the cost of living in New York and the implications of trying to find a good paying job without a degree. I liked how she explained her experience with registering for classes and misconceptions when it was time to register for the next semester. I enjoyed the way the writer tied in the inspirational tone and information about services provided in the school to facilitate the returning to school process. The writer provides names of specific programs she utilized in the school. She ends the article stressing the importance of early registration which would have helped her more than once. Moreover, she reminds the reader to make use of the various programs the school offers to students.

For my mentor text, I have chosen a article called “You can’t buy education” by Robert Ware which shows people trying to get through life with money. But if you have no education or any type of education money can’t get you far. Buying education is connected to my essay because some people cheat their way through education because they are afraid of failing. Bringing real reforms that ensure a good teacher is in every classroom and gives parents options of where they send their kids are the steps we need to take. I learned that the The federal government throws dollars at the state, the state throws dollars at local school boards and the local boards throw dollars at schools (which shows money affecting the way schools operate because if they don’t do what they are told the money could be affected). School Board should  develop a SWOT analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) for each school located in the county, then share that report with the public. “While there are bright spots in some private school systems, the public education system, where the vast majority of our children are being taught, guided and motivated is a dated, bloated, inefficient, bureaucratic dinosaur”, which shows it lost sight and understanding of its students education and the way they are taught.

Link: https://www.thejakartapost.com/life/2019/03/15/yogyakarta-play-shines-light-on-rape-victims-despair.html

The publication I chose is The Jakarta Post. I decided to use “Yogyakarta play shines light on rape victims’ despair” as my mentor article for various reasons. I really like the structure of the article and would like to apply some of these techniques into my own writing. The author could have started off by talking about this play and what it was about but instead he utilized a specific scene from the play as an introduction. The flow of the article felt natural for me that it was easy to follow which is what I want for my own paper, an organization which doesn’t leave the audience having to think where and how this paragraph and the next paragraph are linked. The author also incorporated with the performers’ feelings and thoughts of the play in the article which made me, as a reader, sympathize with the victim. The play was inspired by Ela’s experience of being raped by her stepfather. Towards the end of the article, the author provided statistics on the number of cases involving sexual violence in Indonesia. I think that it helps the readers grasp how important this play is considering the many sexual violence cases that are taken lightly. Basically, I want my paper to be able to make people feel just like how this paper made me feel after hearing Ela’s story.

Hey, everyone– for Tuesday, please read the handout below: “Choosing a Mentor Text” and then– choose a mentor text for your revision.

Remember– in the revision, you will be rewriting your first paper for a magazine, website, newspaper or other publication. You DO NOT have to keep to the original essay question, but you can’t rewrite your first paper 100% (this needs to be a re-vision, not a whole new paper.)  The “mentor text” is an article from the publication you would like to write for– but it does not need to be about education. In fact, I don’t think it should be. That said, the publication you choose should be a publication where you can talk about educational issues. For example, Sports Illustrated probably would not work, UNLESS you plan to discuss issues surrounding athletics and education.

You don’t have to copy the mentor text exactly– it’s just there for you to learn from.  With this in mind, I would like you to read and annotate your mentor text, and post a 200 word entry on Open Lab explaining what your mentor text is doing that you would like to do in your own writing. In other words, what can you learn from this writer? 

Please also print out and bring a copy of your first paper to class on Tuesday– you will get some feedback from others about where to start on this revision.

To recap:

1. Read “How to choose a Mentor Text” (below). The publications listed in this handout are just suggestions– you can use others– whatever you want.
2. Choose a mentor text for your revision– this should be from a publication where you can imagine your revision being published.
3. Read and annotate your mentor text and write a 200 word response about what you learned from that mentor text that you want to use in your revision. Category: Revision One
4. Print out a copy of paper one to bring to Tuesday’s class.

mentor-text-handout

Hi you guys, for Thursday, please print out, read and annotate “The Maker’s Eye” below.

Also, if you didn’t do a “proper” bibliography for your last paper, please do so. You can use easybib.com or any other online bibliography generator. Remember we are using MLA citation, so you would need an MLA style bibliography.

Also, here are the conferences we scheduled. They are all in my office, Namm 525.

Weds, March 20:

2:20: Manny

Thursday, March 21:

• 11:00 Britney
• 2:00 Nina
• 2:20 Xavier

Tuesday, March 26

• 11:00 Jessica
• 2:00 Darlene

Microsoft Word - Murray, Donald - The Maker's Eye.doc