Revision 2 (KO)

Kalissa Ortiz

 

XXXTentacion- ‘You See Him Too.’

 

Album:  “SKINS”

Song: “TRAIN FOOD”

  

I remember when i first heard the song “TRAIN FOOD” it hit me like a moving train that has run off track. I tend to listen to simpler songs, songs with meanings like depression and bad breakups. But this one was different, i’ve never experienced a song like this.

I was laying down in bed and it was almost midnight, it was pretty cold outside but i still had my fan on. I was wrapped in my fluffy blanket, and had my headphones in my ears ready to listen to my late night tunes. I always listen to music before i go to sleep since i have trouble sleeping and this helps. I go onto my Apple music and see that XXXTentacion album “SKINS” was released. I listened to the first song and loved it, “TRAINFOOD” is the third song listed on the album. At first i was listening to it more like a regular song but certain lyrics stood out to me.

“His frequency distorted quick, i seen it in his image, I should’ve run right Fucking there.”

This line caught my attention and i really started to pay closer attention to what he was saying. I also realized how this song almost was like he was talking, it didn’t sound like he was singing or even rapping just sounded like he was having a conversation with listeners. As i listened to the rest of the song what really scared me was when he said “Now it’s here, Death has now arrived, times finally up.” After the song finished all i kept thinking about is that line. It wouldn’t leave my head for hours trying to figure out what he meant. Until i decided to dig deeper.

 

I remember I had walked home that day

Content with all my misery

(This line is very powerful in its own sense, and he says this line a few times in the song. It just shows that he has given up and has comes to term that its always going to be miserable for him)

Told my self it’d get better, no clue what there was next to me

(Kept telling himself it will get better, but it just all got worse from there)

Remember there was people, walkin’, talkin’ in the distance

I was dressed for winter weather

But the summer rays were kissing me

I, I was lost

So I took a different path, in the distance he awaited me

(meaning he had taken a different path with drugs and violence in his life at this point, i think than he realized because of this path he’s chosen now he faces death because of it.)

Had no weapon, I’m guessing his hands were just enough for me

Was no question, I’m guessing he laughed just at the sight of me

I was lost

(This could mean his history with drugs and gang violence)

I remember I had walked home that day

Content with all my misery

Told my self it’d get better, no clue what there was next to me

Remember there was people, walkin’, talkin’ in the distance

I was dressed for winter weather

But the summer rays were kissing me

I, I was lost

And there he was, his presence was alarming

As he approaches casual, we talk ’bout self-harming

He told me “kid, you shouldn’t be walkin’ on your own”

He smiled and laughed, and pat my back

He said, “how far are you from home?”

I said, “maybe 30 minutes”

His frequency distorted quick, I seen it in his image

I should’ve run right fucking there, I-

(I think he may be talking about death here, the conversation he is having is with death. In a lot of his songs he always talks about death, and i think all along he always knew he would die very young)

You ever woke up on a train track

With no motherfuckin’ clothes on?

Death before your eyes, you prayin’ to God, but ain’t no response

Trying to scream for hope, just a shoulder that you can lean on

But ain’t nobody coming, so you scream on

And scream on and scream on

(I think he’s saying that he’s on this train of death, he can’t stop it. There’s no brake, there’s no way out it keeps moving faster by the minute he can’t comprehend it.)

While this evil fuck laugh at you?

(The grim reaper watching him struggle for his life)

Train getting closer, you still surprised that he battered you

Tears falling harder and harder, minutes get minuscule

Could’ve had a son or a daughter, now what you finna do?  

You finna die here on this train track

‘Cause clearly after death, ain’t no way you can find your way back

(After death there’s no way out, no reset button)

Thinking ’bout your previous memories, going way back

All them fucking dreams ’bout the diamond chain and the Maybach

(wasted all his time dreaming about materialistic items than thinking about the more important things in his life)

Now your time finally up

Ask yourself the final question, is you going down or up?

(Asking the question if he’s going to heaven or hell)

Recollectin’ all the moments that you never gave a fuck

(i wanted to say think i think he was scared of death which i do think at one point he was. I feel that as the song goes on he doesn’t even care if he dies anymore)

Now it’s here, death has now arrived, time’s finally up

 

(Reading this is very dark and just shows how all along he knew death was coming and in fact he’d been faced with it many times before. He’s been so close with death almost like he can touch it, but finally it’s got him)

 

This song really spoke volumes to me, even though we don’t exactly know how he knew that he was just inches away from death reading and listening to his music really bought chills to my body. I’ve never experienced actually seeing death before, I’ve never felt like I was walking on a path that could lead to my end. But I have seeked it, when I was in a deep depression there were multiple times that I felt like I needed to let go of everything around me. Let go of my family’s and friends, let go of my past and let go of my future. It’s a bit surreal to talk about it because this is something I’ve held onto for so long. For years I have had periods of days that I saw a train moving by and thought to myself I should jump in front of it or if someone broke into my house and tried to kill me would I even fight back or would I just let them. Simpler to just die than to even try to fight a fight I can’t even fight anymore. Luckily I don’t think like this anymore. Sounds like I’m a bit fucking crazy but after awhile I realized that I wasn’t meant to touch the angel of death’s hand yet. I mean XXX knew he was going to die, in this song he literally is talking about seeing death, he knows his time is running out. When you know, you know. I didn’t feel like I was going to die, but I felt like I needed to. But it wasn’t my time yet, and I don’t believe it will be anytime soon. What’s always makes this important to me is that I don’t believe XXX was scared of death I think in a way he was embracing the outcome. I’ve never feared death either, I feared life actually. Feared that I wouldn’t meet the expectations that I gave myself and what others expected of me. That I wouldn’t live a fulfilling life and be faced with disappointment. This I do indeed still feel, The thought of not being able to have a life with purpose scares me. I think about it all the time, and I think XXX felt that too.

This means so much to me because even though I haven’t had the grim reaper knocking on my door I know what’s it like to constantly think he will be waiting for me. Knowing that one day I will eventually have to open the door and take his skeleton hands and walk towards the tunnel of darkness that we don’t know what’s at the end of it.

 

(Reading this back just made me realize how much of a broken ass kid I am…. or was)

Works Cited:

Adam@JRT ,“XXXTentacion – Train Food (Lyrics Review and Song Meaning)”            December 8, 2018   http://justrandomthings.com/2018/12/08/xxxtentacion-train-food-lyrics-review-and-song-meaning/