ENG1141-E311 Intro to Creative Writing, SP2024

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  • Discussion Board 3: Story Starters
  • #93303

    Angelica Tellez

    @selineeherrera78 your story is in first person. My question is, who is “we?” Describe the people you’re with so the reader can visualize everything in your story.



    I look at the detective waiting for him to sit down before I say, “You know, I never wanted to kill them.”

    “It all just sort of happened before I knew what was going on,” I said, leaning into the table that separated us, straining against the cuffs that held my hands in place on the surface.  Detective Chowdhury – P. Chowdhury according to the badge hanging from his neck – leaned away from me.  I must have smelled.  The mud was starting to dry on my clothes, but every time I moved, it cracked, and a wave of shit stink spread across the tiny room.  Just let me get out of this, I thought, even if it’s only to take a shower.

    He waited patiently, Detective Chowdhury, for me to say more.  Could I trust him?  Was he a good guy?  Or was he owned by them?  Bought off or threatened?

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by hopemreiser.


    Hi Angelica,

    Your first person story sets the stakes high immediately.

    How did the baby react to the fall and the narrators reactions?




    ZhiYang Chong

    Everything changed when demon king came back to us. The fire , disaster and the wailing all the way. The demon army try to take away human’s land. Just when human was in despair, one of the warrior stand out and try to crusade the demon king. He’s name is Lehir Oblithus.
    He was known as the Chosen Son because a magic sword was part of him. It appeared to fight when he was in danger..

    Moria Thea was raised by a powerful witch. She learned magic from a young age. One day, Lehir and Moria met in the forest. It seemed meant to be. They fell in love quickly.

    Lehir proposed to Moria on a special night. They planned to marry in early spring. But then, the demon king attacked. Lehir knew he had to fight. He left to battle, leaving Moria behind.

    Three years later, news came. Lehir had defeated the demon king but died in the war. People were happy but also sad for the hero, Lehir. Moria was heartbroken. She lived in sadness until the witch told her, “Death is not the end. Being forgotten is worse.”

    Moria decided to follow Lehir’s path. She wanted to see where he had been and to visit his grave. She hoped to remember him and keep his memory alive.


    Veniamin Isakov

    Deepening into the rattling forest, Detective Inspector Jaylinn F. Sanchez ducked to avoid the branches. “Where the hell is he?” She mumbled angrily to herself. She expected Detective Michael J. Smith to arrive before she did. With hesitation, she decides to step alone into the area, crossing under the yellow “CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS” tape. The beams of the sun barely reach into the secluded wooded area, and with each step, her grimace only grows bleary. Sanchez rethinks her actions “Oh, fuck, should I get inside by myself?”. She continues to walk further until another marking stop gets in her sight. A thick bush behind the bright mark. With her eyes, she tracks a thin trace of blood that embouchures into a larger body of dried blood. The moment she finally decides to examine behind the bush, she sickens. Appearing to be the body of a young male adult and an image of a corpse lying in its pool of blood is something Sanchez couldn’t imagine seeing. What’s more, is the uncountable number of stabs and wounds presented on the victim’s body. Before she can get herself in control, she runs away, heading to the main road of patrol.
    She vomits by the stop lane as the media and police staff watch her closely, with slight disgust. At this moment, another undercover car pulls up to the scene. A middle-aged, clean-looking man walks out. We see the police badge in his chest pocket. It’s Detective Smith. His outfit suggests that he spends more time picking it out than driving to the crime scene. He removes the sunglasses as he notices Jaylinn trying to get herself together. Reluctantly, he walks closer, trying to embrace some sympathy for Jaylinn’s situation. As she notices him, her face gets only more tense. “Hard to ask if everything’s alright.” – Smith grins. “Far from my expectations of how the first day’s playing out…” She mumbles angrily. “Don’t worry, we’ve all failed at judging our confidence.” She reimagines the picture she saw earlier, with a cold feeling grabbing her once again. While staring at the Detective’s full-blown mug, she irritatedly thinks – “as if your tough ass, sissy self would somehow react differently…”


    Veniamin Isakov

    At first, it seems that the author ZhiYang writes in the first point of view, using “us” as a way to describe himself among human beings, but then he changes to the third point of view by diving into the story-tale surrounding the warrior, his kingdom and his wife.

    My suggestion is to give the story more depth as to how different was the setting/kingdom before the demon king arrived. Show how the characters remain in a comfortable state of being until the actual inciting incident happens which will become the first turning point. Also, give more characteristics to the main warrior and his love plot with Moria Thea.


    Borys Solorzano

    When I was younger there was a story that people knew very well not just because everyone claimed to have witnessed it in real life, but because everyone shared their experiences. In my town there were around 300 people and 10,000 people in the city the houses were very humble, yet somehow there was always something to eat drink and do but people believe in old folk tales like El duende which was said to be a small man that would go around and hunt people who had committed some sort of crime or held something heavy in their conscience. Some described him as a small man with hair everywhere and a raspy voice that could bring fear to children and adults alike. A close family friend claimed that her son had seen him and fought him off. What Intrigued us was a small detail, she mentioned her son punched him with the right hand and it had no effect. Since then it has been said that if you see El Duende you should only hit him with your left hand and getting rid of them could prove to be a challenge.

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