Giomara Castillo

September 27,2015

Class 1101-D323

Peer editing – Ehsan Zarghani

He doesn’t have a title

Thesis and 3 subtopics:

My experience in becoming a lifeguard has been challenging in terms of

1 Rescuing victims from a life or death situation.

2 Keeping my body fit enough to help me get an advantage.

3 Having a partner to help me understand my strengths and weaknesses.

Subtopics

1 Becoming a lifeguard has been challenging mainly because I wasn’t mentally and physically prepared to start rescuing victims from a life or death situation.

2 Keeping my body fit enough was another challenge I had to face while becoming a lifeguard.

3 Having a partner helped me to understand my strengths and weaknesses.

Transitional words

Needs more transitional words

Grammar and Convention

– Needs to indent the paragraphs.

– Need to be more organized with his ideas

– He has a lot of spelling errors

Conclusion

He doesn’t have a conclusion