Gabrielle Alwi

February 23, 2014

English 1121

Outline Review

Jonathan’s Essay Review

1. Jonathans essay is a bit messy and repetitive. The sentences needs to be cut in half because it’s to long. The thesis is clear and the introduction provides a good idea about the essay.
2. The bodies are there but it needs to be explained more. He needs to elaborate on his sub ideas in each body paragraph. The transition sentences needs to be improved because other I got confused and so might others.
3. The conclusion leads out well and is very clear. He wraps up with a strong point and with the supporting information’s, is leads out very well.