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Developmental Writing Express Summer 2019
The Split Self: Personal Identity On- and Off-line
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Kelvin describes what a selfie is, and he clearly states what is Jenna Wortham’s thesis. In the second paragraph he mentions his personal experience when he takes selfies, what he also could have done in the second paragraph was talk about who he took a selfie with. In the Instagram video, with the lady and the dog he could have added on to it by having the viewers reaction toward her abusing her dog and what the comments were saying.
Kelvin’s essay was well written and well thought out. He gave clear examples and explained them thoroughly. we were able to connect to his personal experiences as the readers. He made huge progress from his last essay.He presented the author’s thesis clearly. Clearly stated his own thesis. His counter argument connected well with essay and gave solid reasoning as to why selfies may not have a positive outcome. He still needs to elaborate a little more on his examples give a little more explanation. Other than that is was a great essay.
For this essay, Kelvin showed improvement regards to his previous work he gave us a topic and explained why it’s important. Afterwards he refers to the article and presents us his thesis. Continuing the essay he gave a detailed story from experience that connected to his thesis. In the counter argument he gave reasons why many might disagree but yet gave a strong argument.