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Developmental Writing Express Summer 2019
The Split Self: Personal Identity On- and Off-line
Kelvin’s Essay was well developed and had great aspects to it. I liked the fact that he started with a general statement. He had a very clear thesis statement. A well formed introduction. Continuing to the rest of the essay he had great examples to support his thesis. In paragraph four, I’d like to see a little more detail. For example, when speaking upon the bullying aspect of your life and the name calling you received go into what was going on in your mind as that was happening with you and how you dealt with it. Your conclusion was well written and gave solid reasons why this topic is important.
From Munair: At the beginning of your essay, the way you introduce the text was fine. When you started going into your 1st paragraph you started to become a little repetitive. It was very accurate the way you use your outside information to help develop the aspect of the task, you could have elaborated more on the 2nd paragraph about the conflict with the clown also on your 3rd paragraph were you said You have trouble But there was nothing wrong with it Apart from it needing to be explained more I think that was a good analogy also how you brought about viewpoints spot on.