Open Letter Introductions

Post the full introductory paragraph to your Open Letter here by pasting it into the comment box. The deadline for posting introductions is BEFORE 12pm on Sunday, October 21.

Then, read and comment on the introductions of at least 3 your classmates. Please post detailed feedback/comments to each other’s introductions by replying to the individual post. If a particular introduction has already received a few comments and you have nothing new/unique to add, please choose another student’s work to comment on. The deadline for comments is before class on Monday, October 22.

54 thoughts on “Open Letter Introductions”

  1. Mikayla Carter-Coleman
    Prof. Choi
    ENG 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter Introduction

    “17 year old undisciplined punk thug, drug dealing, thief and wannabe gangsta” is how an online article described Trayvon Martin, a young teenage boy who was shot to death by a man who believed he was suspicious looking and felt the need to chase and shoot him down, even after being advised not to follow him by police dispatchers. Within the same year, Rodney King was murdered by law enforcement officers who beat him to death, took a cigarette break, and went back to brutally beating him. Tamir Rice lost his life at 12 years old in 2014 when police shot him after mistaking his toy gun for a real one. Sandra Bland, who was pulled over by officers for a traffic stop, was held in a cell for three days before her dying suddenly in the presence of police officers, her mysterious death was labeled a suicide. With negative media portrayal, the injustice of these deaths, and many more relating to police shooting, public outrage helped create the Black Lives Matter movement- a social activist group who speak out against police brutality and wrongful killings of African American lives, not a terrorist group seeking violence.

    3. Was Rodney King murdered? Wasn’t he just brutally beaten by police after they pulled him over for speeding? After videos of the beating were released, he became a symbol of police brutality at the hands of the LAPD.

      So your goal seems to be to set the record straight about the Black Lives Matter movement, but you haven’t really established this yet in your intro. Perhaps rather than citing all the incidents of police brutality/wrongful killings of African Americans, you can cite the truth behind a series of rumored incidents that portray the BLM in a negative light?

  2. Yelitza Fernanda CenXie
    Prof.Choi
    English 1101 (D348)
    Open letter Introduction

    Did you know a child is bullied every seven minutes? Have you ever been bullied or have had suicidal thoughts because of being bullied? Bullying has a negative impact on everyone involved; the victims, the bully, and the bystanders. The long-term psychological impact on victims is directly due to the short-term effects of being bullied during childhood. It is difficult for victims to trust people, which affects their career opportunities in the future, even if they are adults, they tend to be alone. The impact on bullies is significant because it created isolation and negative thought. The impact on the bystanders is they might feel powerless and guilty for not taking action to stop the bullying and reluctant to attend school. I think bullying has been a serious issue across the country. It causes many children to suffer from depression and anxiety. It might also lead to a child to have suicide thought. According to the study of Yale University, bully victims are two to nine times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims. On the authority of the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year. People should pay more attention and to stop this issue to happen.

    4. This intro contains a lot of important information that will effectively impact the reader. One suggestion: How about changing the questions into startling statistics? A child is bullied every seven minutes (parenthetically cite source). Victims of bullying are _____ more likely to have suicidal thoughts (source). Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year (source?).

      Then you can provide exposition on the issue and finally state your thesis.

  3. Emeli Perez Ceballos
    Prof. Choi
    ENG 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter Introduction
    When you think about the topic of immigration, do you wonder about the underlining issues that are going on till this day? These issues are mainly about certain peoples opinion about immigrants migrating to America and why they do. This has led to a major conflict as well led people to have two-sided opinions. This conflict is Immigration, it became a conflict because of how people feel about it. One side thinks that immigrants shouldn’t be allowed in America because they are seen as criminals and basically no good for the country. On the other side, others think that immigrants are quite nice and come to America to start a new life. I will discuss both sides in full and I will include my own view. To support my view I will use the articles “The Immigrant Children: A Clash of Views” and “Texas Desert Tent City for Immigrant Children Balloons in Size”, on how the issues about immigration that should be addressed. As I discuss my view on Immigration I will include my solution to this conflict and a solution from the article that supports my view.

    4. Questions used as hooks should be open-ended, not yes/no questions. Who is your audience? You say you will discuss your view on immigration, but you should clearly state what that view is (your thesis and main points of support).

      Your intro needs more specificity. For instance, your second sentence reads, “These issues are mainly about certain people’s opinions…” Following this you don’t explain what those opinions actually are. Similarly you say there’s a “major conflict” resulting from “how people feel about [immigration].” Again, what is this conflict and how do people feel about the issue of immigration?

      What is your goal? What important information will you convey to readers via your open letter? This remains unclear.

  4. Khaskhali Waleed
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 D348
    Open Letter Essay
    If anyone ever told you video games are bad for you well they dont know what they are talking about. Parents believe that since their kids are playing games all day, they get inspired by what they see on their screens, they also have no social life, and get no physical activities. This causes their kids to get health problems such as obesity, bad eyesight,etc. So to all parents out there, let me explain why you should let your kids play video games more often. Most of the claims parents make are false, as a matter of fact video games can help benefit your kids in a way you would of never known. Such as video games are a good source of learning, improves visualization skills and improves memory.

    5. Who’s your audience? Certainly not kids who play video games? I think they would already think that video game naysayers “don’t know what they are talking about.” The hook doesn’t match the rest of your introduction because as you make clear from the second sentence on, you’re addressing parents.

      Also, the claims do not originate from parents, but studies, media, etc. So you should directly address those claims.

      In the body of your essay, you could elaborate on what actually is the number one cause of obesity, bad eye sight and all the things blamed on video games.

  5. Allen Lin
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 D348
    Open Letter Intro
    In the past, I did not even bother about rumors until there was a horrible rumor about my friend and I got the feeling that I had to solve this misunderstanding. it was then I realized that rumors were not a small issue. When I hard about Stella’s case I felt the need to do more researched to find out about what really happened.

    2. Your intro must include the following:

      -an effective hook that pulls readers into the essay
      -sufficient exposition (summary of issue and the different perspective on it)
      -a clear thesis (what is your informed opinion on the issue, including a preview of your main points of support)

  6. Yasmin Zeidyyeh
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter Introduction

    There is a current obsession in mainstream media that is pertaining to Islam and the West. This current obsession is depicting Muslims generally as violent, fanatical, bigoted, or as extremists and terrorists. As a Muslim woman living in a western country, I face discrimination often due to the negative portrayal of Islam and Muslims. We as Muslims do know the fact that living life as a practicing and religious Muslim is not easy in the west. Media portrayal of the Islamic religion often focuses on terrorist groups or violence. Those who claim Islam is an inherently violent religion ignore the fact that there are more than 1.5 billion Muslims worldwide — who live peacefully. Islam teaches that it is through the doing of good deeds and seeking the pleasure of God that souls find true happiness and peace. This misconception of Islam can be resolved by having an open mind and deeply understand.

    2. This is a focused and powerful intro! I would suggest even briefly mentioning the kinds of discrimination you face as a result of this close-minded thinking towards Muslims. Also, following the sentence that starts, “Media portrayal of the Islamic religion…” you could call out certain publications and recent news stories that demonstrate this.

      Finally, the last sentence (your solution) could be tweaked. Since you cite media as the problem, then the solution should also involve something that will fix how the media portrays Muslims and how the public then replicates this thinking in their daily lives. This seems more involved than just having an open mind (which seems too simplistic/idealistic).

    4. I agree a lot of people misinterpret the true meaning of Islam. Not only is it adults but also kids in elementary school in which they aren’t really taught the religion but hear older people around them talking about how bad Muslims are.

  7. You ever wondered what it was like to get accused for something you had never done and rumors being constantly spread about the situation? well this is what a current NBA player Jimmy Butler had to go through. Often times in professional sports rumors are often spread by media outlets to create controversy and create drama within sports because those kind of antics get people more interested too see whats gonna happen next, but is it all worth too make these accusations at an expense of someone else? The rumor all started in the NBA playoffs after a loss to the rockets and they’re were talks of Jimmy Butler having a sexual altercation with one of his teammates girlfriends. No one new what too believe but some of the teammates didn’t know what was true and what was false and that rumor started to divide the locker room and everyone had too choose a side which wasn’t a good thing for the team at the time because they were currently facing an elimination game and instead of coming together they were falling apart.

    1. How about changing the question into an “Imagine Lead”? Imagine you were accused of something you didn’t do, and rumors were being spread, making you appear guilty.

      Could you give us more information on who Jimmy Butler is and why we should care about his situation? Who is your audience? Is your point to point out the irresponsibility of the media in reporting rumors as news? I think to ask “but is it all worth it to make these accusations at the expense of someone else?” is unnecessary, and you should rather focus on who/what you’re criticizing as the problem in Butler’s situation.

      The introduction is missing your thesis – what is the new information that your letter will present to readers on this issue? Why should we care about Butler’s situation? How does it speak to a broader problem?

      Also, please proofread – there are lots of spelling errors or misused words!

  8. Aylin Ortega
    Pro. Choi
    ENG 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter Introduction

    If you’re into cosmetology then I’m sure you’ve heard of the brands such as AVON, Benefit Inc, Clinique, Make up Forever, Maybelline, MAC etc. These brands make millions of dollars on beauty and face products but how did they become these big labeled brands? There is a process to achieving one single product but to achieve this, cosmetics scientists have to test it several times to make sure it won’t harm a humans flesh. During this process some brands use animals to test out their products before they are released out to the public. The process is not pretty at all and according to Humane Society International Society it’s extremely painful for the animals: “Typically, animal tests for cosmetics include skin and eye irritation tests where chemicals are rubbed onto the shaved skin or dripped into the eyes of rabbits; repeated oral force-feeding studies lasting weeks or months to look for signs of general illness or specific health hazards, such as cancer or birth defects; and even widely condemned “lethal dose” tests-”. These tests lead up to death, blindness, swollen eyes, internal bleeding etc. Makeup brands argue that these crucial procedures need to be done because products have to be safe and it’s the responsibility of the manufacturer to ensure that they undergo scientific safety assessments. However I believe that besides animal testing being cruel it’s also ineffective because animals don’t get all the diseases that humans do get, its unethical and, it’s a wasteful bad science due to the fact that we’ve developed new ways to test out cosmetic products.

    1. Who’s your audience? Only people who are into cosmetology? How can you broaden your audience with your opening? Try a startling statistic or, perhaps, and “Imagine Lead”?

      Your thesis is strong. I especially like the point that there are other more effective ways to test cosmetic products. That definitely makes it seem unnecessary to involve animals in testing if there are more humane and effective approaches.

      Also, don’t forget to parenthetically cite your source (Author’s Last Name page #) after the direct quote.

  9. Alghazali Yasmin
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101
    Open Letter

    Have you ever kept something inside of you so long you felt like it’s eating you alive there’s no escaping it. Well that’s the way women sexually assaulted are taught “Boys will be boys” as if there’s nothing they can do to possibly change the way men act. Instead they teach women ways in which they can avoid getting assaulted as if it’s their fault and this needs to change women need to start speaking up. We can not keeping put in their minds that it’s their faults when it’s not and they should stay quiet when they shouldn’t.

    2. Yasmin, good opening – it feels urgent and puts the intended audience in the victims’ shoes. However, your questions should be open-ended, not a yes/no question. Make sure to identify who your intended reader is, though: “Dear _______”

      The exposition (summary of issues and the different perspectives on it) needs elaboration. Does the opposition actually use “Boys will be boys” as one of their strongest arguments? Break down what this actually means and why this thinking is detrimental to women in society. Demonstrate the severity of this problem with recent cases.

      For your thesis, be sure to preview your main points of support as to why this culture of blaming women must change now.

    3. I like that you mention “boys will be boys” in your in introduction because I think that it’s a big issue that women are having and they want to end that. I can’t wait to read more about it.

  10. Ever E. Guzman
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter

    Did everyone forget about the school shooting that had happened in Parkland, Florida on February 14, 2018? I know I did and I’m ashamed that I did, the only way that I remember was because I was playing a game with my friends and we were running away from a killer in a school. There hasn’t been any news lately about gun control and what the government is going to do about it. People have always been in agues about the 2nd amendment and if we should have the right to bear arms. The first thing people bring up about gun control is school shooting and why we need stricter gun control. I agree that we need stricter gun control but not getting rid of the 2nd amendment, I believe that we have the right to bear arms but to certain kind of guns.

  11. Alexis Basarte
    ENG 1101 (D348)
    Prof. Choi
    Open Letter Intro
    The #MeToo Movement has helped many women to come out and speak about sexual assault and sexual harassment. The ‘me too.’ the movement was founded in 2006 to help survivors of sexual violence, particularly Black women and girls, and other young women of color from low wealth communities, find pathways to healing. The vision from the beginning was to address both the dearth in resources for survivors of sexual violence and to build a community of advocates, driven by survivors, who will be at the forefront of creating solutions to interrupt sexual violence in their communities. In 2009, football star Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly raped a woman named Kathryn Mayorga in Las Vegas. Mayorga said she had gone public with her allegations in the wake of the #MeToo movement.

  12. Matthew Samaroo
    Prof.Choi
    Eng 1101 D348
    Open Letter Introduction

    On Friday, October 19, 2018, thousands of migrants from Honduras seeking asylum laid siege at the southern Guatemala-Mexican border with intentions to enter the United States. The standoff between the caravan and Mexican riot police left six officers suffering injuries as a result of tear gas dispersed to the crowds of migrants. During this humanitarian crisis, the Trump administration uses this controversial issue to advance the fears of allowing illegal immigrants to cross the border shifting voters’ perspective ahead of the midterm elections to vote Republican. President Trump argues that an open border policy results in a significant amount of criminals and drugs pouring in the U.S and has threaten to station military reserves to the southwest border in the event that members of the caravan overwhelm the Mexican border patrols. These migrants are fleeing Honduras due to economic collapses and several accounts of drug violence. Using this issue to advance your political views of the Republican Party is immoral and fails to address the growing number migrants of the caravan at the Mexican border. Democrats’ agenda on immigration policy is for the protection of human rights, safety, and welfare of asylum seekers. I agree for migrants fleeing Honduras to seek entry into Mexico receive the opportunity to be processed legally with visas and valid documents and enter the United States with intentions of asylum.

  13. Nimra Naz
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D348)
    Open Letter

    Why are people judged by their appearance? The older I got, the more I realize that society is very judgmental. I’ve noticed that people are often criticized on what they wear. Just because somebody dresses a certain way doesn’t mean that’s how they are. People are dressed up based on their personal choices and many other reasons. People are being bullied all over the world on their looks. But there is so much more to a person than what they wear.

      1. Albert koroma
        Prof. Choi
        English 1101 (D348)
        Open Letter

        The lettuce,onions, mayonnaise, chicken etc… yea it may sound so aromatic but, do you know that most of those burgers we mostly eat is unhealthy? Well it has come to our attention that A new report gives most burger chains in the United States a failing grade when it comes to their use of beef produced with antibiotics. Antibiotic overuse in livestock production is a massive public health problem because it can lead to the growth of antibiotic resistant bacteria and antibiotic resistant infections in people from contaminated meat. Antibiotics have been added to cattle feed and water to speed growth, prevent disease, and treat active infections.

  14. You ever just felt pain that made you cringed at the feeling,cry when it tightens,scream when it intensifies and give up on life when you feel there’s no hope for feeling better.Doctors assisting patients in there death is called physician assisted suicide also known as euthanasia .Everybody has had that family member that was going through a crazy amount of pain and suffering leading up to their death.There body is fighting all types infections and disease while trying to work with medications and other treatments.Some people even just asked to end their lives because they can’t deal with it no more . So my question is to you is do you think euthanasia is ethical when the patient itself is in dying need of your help.

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