Open Letter Introductions

Post the full introductory paragraph to your Open Letter here by pasting it into the comment box. The deadline for posting introductions is BEFORE 12pm on Sunday, October 21.

Then, read and comment on the introductions of at least 3 your classmates. Please post detailed feedback/comments to each other’s introductions by replying to the individual post. If a particular introduction has already received a few comments and you have nothing new/unique to add, please choose another student’s work to comment on. The deadline for comments is before class on Monday, October 22.

51 thoughts on “Open Letter Introductions”

  1. Sanjidah Khan
    Prof Choi.
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    Dear student, teachers and school faculty,

    Social media monitoring for students can prevent school shootings. There has been a rapid rise for the amount of school shootings in the America and most of them have been happening while social media is used. Some may believe that social media monitoring isn’t necessary while others believe it is necessary. Although, it wouldn’t hurt to take more safety precautions. With social media being introduced to the new generation, it helps decrease the risk of school shootings happening since we are able to know more about the students and what information they put out for the public such as photos, live statuses and much more. There can be threatening messages or signs of cyberbullying on a student’s Instagram or any other sort of media that can be handled before any tragedy even begins to happen. The best approach to fixing this issue is to start at the root of the problem.

    1. Try starting with a startling statistic – have you researched what is the rapid rise of school shootings since social media? Save the solution (to monitor social media) for later in the intro.

      You mention some believe social media monitoring is necessary while others don’t, but why? Give the full context of these arguments. Here would be a good place to begin addressing issues of privacy, which is one of the largest arguments for opponents.

      Also, I wonder if law enforcements is part of your audience too?

    4. You have a well developed introduction paragraph. I like how you go over school shooting and how well you broke down the topic for you open letter. However, I think you should incorporate a grabber when you start you paragraph instead of just going straight in to the topic.

  2. xincheng zeng 1
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    The world war third is about to begin. We know that in the past 17 years, China’s GDP has increased nine times, and it has become the world’s second-largest economy. In America, almost everything is made in China, such as clothes, furniture, electronics, food, and cars. But you start a new trade war with China on March 22, 2018, because you want to punish China for stealing American intellectual property and trade secrets. When you raise tariffs on all goods don’t forget that China holds nearly a trillion dollars in U.S. Treasury bonds, and it would be a huge shock to the U.S. if China sold them all. It also caused a large number of American businesses in China to flee back to the United States. Then there is the possibility of a real war.

    1. The first sentence grabs my attention and I already want to know what you have to say but it feels like you are addressing one person and that really turns my interest off on the subject because it feels like I do not have to read the rest of it. Last sentence it great to end on.

      1. That’s a really interesting point, Diego. Jack, is there a way you could make the letter more accessible to general audiences as well? Your audience is Trump and the U.S. government, is that right? Don’t forget to indicate this by adding, “Dear _______” at the start.

        I agree that your opening is powerful, but remember to check your grammar. Perhaps revise to: “World War III is on the rise.”

  3. Diego J Mieles Jr
    Prof Choi
    English 1101(D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    Vaping is Not Safer

    Information that is false is toxic and it will not benefit anyone if we let spread more people will fall victim to it. The rumor that vaping is safer than cigarettes is false and should not be let to spread because the people unknown to the truth will use vaping under the false mind that they are not poisoning their body with a drug that is unsafe and more addictive than other drugs. I will inform people the truth and if they so they desire to kept or begin vaping than at least they know the consequences and they have at least thought about what they are actually putting in their bodies. We should counter this rumor by spreading the truth much faster and the more people know the better because they will also spread the truth. What vaping actually does and why it is not safer than cigarettes should not be put in the darkness because it will and it can affect more people for the worse than the good.

    2. Excellent! You have a clear thesis! Now don’t forget the other aspects of the intro: (1) an interesting hook and (2) a complete summary of the issue and the different perspectives on it.

      Maybe start with a list of all the specific rumors about vaping and point out why they’re ridiculous? I feel like you need to ground your introduction with more specifics on the issue. What does the actual data say about the health risks of vaping? This would require a compare/contrast type of breakdown between vaping vs. smoking cigarettes.

      Also, don’t forget to identify your audience: “Dear ________.”

    4. great topic I think the rest of the essay should be great since this topic is something I see frequently in ads or in general and you have a very strong thesis perhaps you could work on wording

  4. Giuseppe Biondi
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    Nowadays, most every person in the world, thinks that people are defined by their culture and religion. This can be wrong; for example if a person that believes Catholic religion comes in New York, one day kills someone, it does not mean that every person that is Catholic is a killer. Racism in most cases is what pushes people to believe that, and because of racism a lot of persons coming from different religions and cultures are not being treated equally. Just because they are faithful to their culture, others will treat them as “aliens”. Being different is a normal habit of every human in the world, and everyone should be equally treated even if different then you; to them you are different too, so is not that we are the “good people” and they are the “bad ones”. Everyone is different in the world, and the word “different” is what makes us special.

    2. Who is your audience here? What is your goal? Many of your arguments would already be agreed with by reasonable people, i.e., “Everyone is different in the world” and “Everyone should be equally treated even if different than you.” So what new information will your Open Letter offer? Is there something new about the cause of racism that you can point out, so we can avoid doing this? Please revise accordingly.

  5. Amy Jeenarine
    Professor Choi
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter

    Technology’s Effect On Us

    Technology has been advancing since the prehistoric ages. The invention of the earliest boats in 10000 B.C. and the wheel in 3500 B.C. is where it began evolving to the type of technology today that can take you to another continent in mere hours or minutes. Many of these advances have been for the improvement of human activities. Others, however, are highly detrimental advances like phones and computers. With these advances, go human interaction which has been weakening slowly as technology advances. Little by little, internet and mobile technology is subtly destroying the meaningfulness of interactions we have with others, disconnecting us from the world around us, and leading to an imminent sense of isolation in today’s society. Instead of spending time in person with friends, we just call, text or instant message them. Also, technology is undoubtedly a major contributing factor in the fake news phenomena that has been a worrying trend as of late. Technology and social media has made it easy, convenient and cheap to create and disseminate information. Suddenly we all have the power to report and publish, but is it really technology’s fault for all these worrying issues?

    2. This is an interesting and well-written introduction, but I feel like your thesis is somewhat buried. At first it seems like your letter is about how technology interferes with the quality of our communication. However, towards the end, you seem to introduce the issue of technology’s role in the dissemination of fake news. But, then, in the final line you seem to suggest that it something other than technology that is responsible for both the failure in modern day communication and the spread of fake news. So is this ultimately what your letter will inform us about? If so, why the heavy focus on technology and why is the actual cause left a mystery? Your intro should provide sufficient exposition (a summary of the issue and the different perspectives on it) on the actual focus of your letter, plus your informed opinion of the issue, including a preview of your main points of support (thesis). Please revise accordingly.

      Also, indicate who your audience is.

  6. Mohamed Hawater
    Prof. Choi
    Eng. 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    Can you ever imagine people smoke marijuana anywhere they want without scaring of the law and the police? The government of Canada wants to legalize the marijuana in the country. There are many questions in your head wondering because the cannabis has a big bad effect on people’s health, kids and social behavior among the people. Also, legalizing the marijuana in Canada which have big population will affect many countries. In other words, it will affect the whole entire world. A very controversial serious issue that the whole world goes through which is whether the marijuana should be legalized by the government of Canada. The government should care more about the people’s health, and what will happen in the future because of this legalization. They only care about the economy and reducing the number of reports made by the police to the people who smoke marijuana. I disagree with the legalization idea of the marijuana in Canada because people’s health will be harmed, it will cause impact in the whole world and will affect many countries that wants to take this step and it will damage the social behavior among the people.

    1. I would make the first sentence a statement rather than a question. However, what do you want to achieve with that “Imagine Lead?” Some people may imagine that scenario as a good thing. Who’s your audience? If you’re goal is to immediately portray a negative image about the legalization of marijuana, you may try a different lead.

      Even though you’re against the legalization of marijuana, you still have to present a clear summary of both sides of the debate. You include some strong statements, such as “The government should care more about the people’s health, and what will happen in the future because of this legalization.” Can you back this up by some of your research? What are some possible health risks that will spike due to the legalization? Also, you write, “They only care about the economy and reducing the number of reports made by the police to the people who smoke marijuana.” Again, can you support this with secondary sources? What has the government done to justify this criticism?

    2. Should government control what citizens can do or not? How would criminalizing marijuana help society when there are people wanting to use it? please give more ideas of how the government should prevent people from smoking weed and I would like to read more on whether an authority should say what’s right and wrong.- Vincent Romualdo

    4. I really like this topic because it is a very controversial one and as a non legal country/state we can get an outsiders view on a whole country that is legal especially a country as close as Canada but what exactly is the rumor?

  7. Anderson Salcedo
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction
    Imagine seeing your parents climbe mountains, cross dangerous rivers, even put their lives on the edge to get you to a place in which they see as their salvation and yours. After arriving to this place imagine waking up the next morning in a cage away from your parents, loved ones, and in complete isolation. Well this is what illegal immigrant kids are going through. However, this just shows a small percentage of what illegal immigrants are currently going through in the United States. After President Trump came to power and started his administration immigrants overall have been defamed. Immigrants are now called rapist, drug dealers, and made seen as if they are poison to the Unites States. However, this rumors aren’t true and there is much more to bring to the table then what is speculated. Immigrants contribute to the economy, bring new innovations, and are not the ones to blame for the crime rate.

    1. Who is your audience, Anderson? From your last line, it seems you’re addressing people who are anti-immigration, or unaware of the benefits that immigrants bring to the U.S. Is that right? In that case, even though your opening is powerful to a general audience, those who are anti-immigration may not be necessarily moved by this heart wrenching image. In this case, pointing out the inaccuracies about how immigrants are portrayed and listing all the actual benefits they bring to the country might be more effective. The goal is to break down misconceptions about immigrants and demonstrate their actual worth to the non-believers.

    2. “Climbe” and “This rumors”=>”These rumors”…… Besides that, I see much emotion used throughout the introduction to argue defending illegal immigrants despite questioning their moralities especially when bringing children along to get to the U.S.. As devil’s advocate, I want to know what happens to the children after they are in “cages”; why is the government separating children from their parents? I’m wonder… if this happens to a small amount of immigrants, does that mean that the other amount of illegal immigrants evade into the U.S. for breaking the law and that border control are not doing their job well? When Trump called immigrants “rapists, drug dealers,etc…”; are you including legal immigrants as well since it seems you use “immigrants” to generalize all of them. From what I call, Trump said that there were some illegal immigrants who would arrive with no criminal history, but it still would be illegal to cross the border, without going through process with correct documentation. I would like to go on about the topic of illegal immigration but I’m more interested in reading it as a whole; wishing to see a sturdy paper defending illegal immigrants.- Vincent Romualdo

  8. Brianna Guillen
    Prof. Choi
    English 1101 (D302)
    Open Letter Introduction

    Imagine we live in a world where women weren’t able to receive what they need. Things like abortion, breast examination, birth control and etc. Well that’s the world we’re about to live in when president Donald Trump proposes a plan to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood is a non profit organization that provides reproductive health care to many women throughout the United States. President Trump doesn’t believe in what they provide for. He’s against abortion. He believes that women shouldn’t have the right to get one under any circumstances. Therefore, Mr. Trump has a plan to defund Planned Parenthood. This is unacceptable and taking away our women’s rights. I disagree with Mr. Trump’s idea because it violates our women’s rights, create problems and young adults won’t be able to have a place to go to.

    1. I think you can work on your “Imagine Lead” to be more descriptive and specific. What about following up the first sentence with describing what that world would look like? What happens when women can’t have breast exams, birth control, etc.? More cancer? More infant deaths? What? This would add to the urgency of the issue.

      “many women” – could you give a more concrete figure? Hundreds? Thousands? More? Specifically what type of women (i.e., is it young girls from lower class families)? Also, does this only affect women? You can broaden your audience to include men also, as I imagine they will be affected too.

      Also, when you’re explaining the oppositions side, make sure you give the full story. Trump wants to defund Planned Parenthood just because he’s against abortion? Surely there’s more to it than that? Quote his reasoning and then show why it’s invalid. Many times the opposition’s own words can work against them.

    2. First off, the government is not responsible for handing out birth control to female citizens and they can be purchased from stores to prevent unwanted pregnancy easily. Second, I don’t think Trump had said women shouldn’t have the right to get an abortion under circumstances; in certain circumstances it would be necessary after a sexual assault had occurred. I can see how it restricts the rights of women; however there is the consequence of not taking any precautions when getting an unwanted pregnancy. Nonetheless, this open letter will further explain the entire issue and I would be open minded to listen to arguments advocating for pro choice ideals- Vincent Romualdo

  9. Firearms are extraordinarily part of U.S. culture, they have been around for over 200 years and possibly,they’ll disappear out of the hands of armed civilians. Gun control advocates believe placing regulations on gun ownership; helps solve gun crimes, reduce violence, and keep weapons away from criminals. While this may sound utopia, gun owners view that these laws are putting at risk there Second Amendment right for so called “security”; unable to protect their state from violent attackers and the rise of a tyrannical government. It’s a debate that has been going on for many decades; changing the way how U.S. citizens live in different states under different laws, some are restrictive and others are more lenient. In my opinion, firearms should not be regulated heavily as it is now; it doesn’t just violate a part of the constitution, it puts civilians in danger by giving up there liberty to government, it gives criminals more power to commit more crimes, and it also violates a human right to defend. -Vincent Romualdo

    1. Who is your audience, Vincent? Opponents of gun ownership, right? In that case, I don’t think the opening is a particularly effective hook for that audience.

      You do a good job with providing exposition of both sides. I wonder if you could pair your summary with some recent news stories to further demonstrate why gun ownership and laws should be protected. You mention some states are more lenient with gun laws. In these states, are guns more or less of a problem? Basically, which states have the most issues with guns? If it’s the ones with the strictest gun laws, then that’s more support towards your argument.

  11. Jalen Costa
    Prof.Choi
    English 1101(d302)
    Open letter introduction
    Dear Readers
    There are many people in this world who would claim to be things there not even when evidence is stacked against them. This of course is not a new thing and I feel that everyone has meet this type of person at lest once in their lives. The reason I am talking about this now is because of a certain someone who came on the news recently. This person is Elizabeth Warren who had claimed to be part Cherokee and for this she was called out number’s times by many people. But recently she had a DNA test taken and the results show that she is 1/1000 part native American. This has sparked much backlash from not only the media but also the Cherokee nation. Even now she still claims to be native american even though she has more European in her DNA than anything else. she even use native american terms and slang to “prove” that she is. But you know what we call that cultural appropriation and I cant stand that the news ,and other media defends her saying she isn’t. But when other people do similar its wrong and unacceptable. So my dear reader I say don’t be fooled by these people.

  12. William Tang
    Prof.Choi
    ENG 1101(D302)
    Open letter introduction

    Gaming has always been seen as an entertainment. It was something that was created for people

    to return home to relax and enjoy some entertainment. However time has changed, today gaming

    can be seen as a sport a way where players could have a job as a pro gamer and earn money

    playing game. There are places or company that hosts event like a world championship such as

    the league of legends world championship and esl cs;go and slowly people began to regard

    gaming as sports or rather an esports. However many people don’t Regard esports as sports and

    say how it tarnishes sports. Many say gaming shouldn’t be treated as a sport and how sports is

    defined by heavy movements and long hours of practice. Esports is the same having long hour of

    practice it doesn’t have heavy movement but it does require a huge mental strength to keep on

    practicing the same game.Yet people still ridicule esports and shames on players and their fans

    but thats wrong and esports is also a fast growing sports branch that gains millions or even

    billions of dollars each year. So I believe that esports will one day be regarded as a true sports

    and be recognize.

  13. Damirjon Ulmasov
    Prof. Choi
    Eng 1101 (D302)
    Open letter introduction
    Before 1973 abortion was illegal and people those who didn’t followed the rule punished by the government. However everything changed after the January 22, 1973, when Supreme Court issued its ruling in Roe v. Wade, which made abortion legal. Reasons that lead abortion to become legal are preventing suicide, not being able to give birth and being raped and etc. Some people agrees with abortion being legal, however they are not thinking about negative side of this legalization. Some people still fighting against abortion rights to make illegal. Such as our president Donald Trump wanting to overturn Roe v. Wade case to make abortion illegal. Therefore we shouldn’t play god’s role and we should prevent abortion and make illegal, because of religion, to prevent political problems and conflict between society.

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