xx Monroe Street xx
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Noemie you posted an incorrect link of what meant to be your essay.
i edited it you can try it now
Thanks.
I liked this draft, Noemie. There are moments of repetition between your sentences and phrases that are quite rhythmic and poetic. Your thesis is also quite clear.
That said, I’d suggest the following:
–Add a story that shows either the problem (racist police) or a part of the solution (how to undo racism).
–How you think racism can be undone is a major point in need of clarification. Feel free to think beyond the context of re-training the police.
–I want you to summarize and quote from at least one article in this essay. I thought that Kaba’s article would work well in your counter-argument paragraph because she is making a different argument than you; she is arguing to abolish/defund the police.
Thesis: Abolishing the current policing system to create a more substantial one.
Supporting Reason: With a new system, people will no longer fear the officers whose job is to “Serve and Protect.” Also, adding the polygraph test to its policing can go a long way for all the officers to be more transparent about how they feel towards racism and violence.
Counter-argument: Instead of creating a more trustworthy system, why not abolish them for good or defund the system.
Mumin,
This is a good read of Noemie’s paper.
However, I don’t think she’s arguing that we should “abolish” the police. Maybe another word there?
Also, can you say more about what you think could be added or improved to Noemie’s draft?
It occurs to me that she could maybe say more about how to make the police system “more substantial” (as you put it).