https://docs.google.com/document/d/11HUWt1f-koedN2hzOrFhLjrPRZCx7pTtYBlARw9QsRQ/edit?usp=sharing
xx Monroe Street xx
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1. Mumin says the police should be defunded because as you can see from his details some of their actions are just unaccecptable . Also saying how there should be a community that could be there for some situations than the police.
2.in Mumin he tells us a story about Rayshard Brooks who fell asleep in his car and was drunk then resisted arrest and then shot in the back while fleeing .
3.Although defunding the police has its benefits there are also many cons if you want there to be a community for certain situations what are you going to do when or if the situation escalates.
Good read of Mumin’s essay. Can you add what you think Mumin should add or change or make more clear?
i believe that your thesis is defunding the police due to them not being incapable of doing their jobs right. i know because in the first paragraph you sate how there have been many incidents involving police brutality. As for your counter claim i think it does state why people would be against defunding police stating what would happen if police were to be defunded like more 911 calls and more increase in crimes you also counter attack by saying how on most states the police budget is more then in the health service schools and so on.
Good read of Mumin’s essay. Can you add what you think Mumin should add or change or make more clear?
Mumin,
This is a really great draft. Just a couple of things to have in mind for revising this:
–More detail from Baldwin’s essay would be great as well as context (this was in the 1960s) and a connection to current times—ie racist police brutality is STILL going on?!?
–Can you be clearer in your thesis about HOW you want to defund the police—ie that you want to PARTIALLY defund the police—and also WHY you want to do this (just give a brief overview of your reasons in your intro)?
–I’m not sure your first two sentences of your first body paragraph frame the story of Rayshard Brooks all that accurately. Here they are: “Police are not qualified and were not expected to do many of the tasks they perform. Defunding the police allows specialists to step in and do what’s necessary to help its people. ”
Your next sentence, however, DOES frame the story accurately: There have been many noteworthy incidents in our society involving police brutality.
Use that third sentence to begin this paragraph.
Use the first two sentences in another 1-2 paragraphs that develop further your point that other professionals are better equipped to deal with certain issues (mental health, substance use, etc.) better than the police. I also want you to add more details (or even a story) on HOW the other professionals / social service specialists can and would provide better support to the community than police. SHOW us this more. In particular, this would help you strengthen your response to the counter-claim you introduce.