- This week, I am asking you to make two separate posts for your Group Assignment. Please post GA4.1 and GA4.2 as comments to this post.
-
Group Assignment 4.1: Based on the questions below, please write three to four sentences describing your feelings and thoughts about Revision. I’d like you to first think about this word and what connotations it has for you. Can you recall any particular experiences when you have had the opportunity to re-see something, e.g., see something in a new way or from a new perspective? What was that like? Could that experience inform your understanding of revision in writing? Why or why not?
-
- Group Assignment 4.2–Revision through Rewriting: Please choose one paragraph from the first draft of your literacies narrative essay and answer the following questions: What is this paragraph about? What is the purpose of this paragraph? As written, how well does this paragraph fulfill its purpose? What questions might a reader have about this paragraph as it is currently written? After answering these questions, please re-write your paragraph FROM SCRATCH. Then, post 1/ the original paragraph, 2/ your answers to these questions and 3/ the re-written paragraph
SITE MAP
-
Recent Posts
Recent Comments
- Mark on GA10: Questions About Research and Bibliographic Citations
- Mark on GA10: Questions About Research and Bibliographic Citations
- Mark on GA10: Questions About Research and Bibliographic Citations
- Mark on GA10: Questions About Research and Bibliographic Citations
- Mark on GA11: One Paragraph Blog Post Comparing and Contrasting Your Three Sources
Archives
Categories
Meta
GA4.1
Revision gives the opportunity to the reader to review their writing mistakes that the reader or peer editor saw on the draft. Revision allows the writer to develop a strong argument in the essay. As an experience, at my freshmen year of high school, in my ESL class we did some drafts to revise them and later we have developed a successful essay. Revision doesn’t always involves just looking for grammar mistakes it also includes looking for thesis statement and the structure of the writing.
GA4.2
1) 7 years of age I was when I began to read and write. I was so enthusiastic to begin to read and write. I wanted to begin to read and write so can my mother could be happy and proud of me, her little princess. I made it, me and my mother were so happy that we couldn’t explianed our feeling. I have my family, specially my mother as a contribution to my motivation. I have never gave up nor saw reading and writing so boring those days. I had enjoyed those reading and writing days in my school.
2) As a concluding paragraph, its purpose is to give a background of what this essay was about. This paragraph tells how excited I was when I have accomplished my goal of reading and writing to make my family proud. In my opinion this concluding paragraph fulfills its purpose since I did not have a bad comment when peer editing. Since I don’t have any negative response to my paragraph I believe the reader would not have any questions about it.
3) As a little girl I was so enthusiastic to start reading and writing. I wanted to begin to read and write so my mother could be happy and proud of me, of her little princess. After trying hard at school, I finally made it, me and my mother were so happy of my accomplishment that words could not explained our feelings. I have my family, specially my mother as my biggest motivation to succeed. I have never give up nor saw limits to my reading or writing process. Those days at my school weren’t boring, I had enjoyed each day at my school learning how to read and write.
Maricel,
Thanks so much for getting this in on time. I really appreciate it. I also appreciate the thoroughness of your post. You make some excellent points in your first paragraph, and I hope that others in the class will read this so they, too, can understand that revision is not just about correcting mistakes.
Regarding your discussion of your paragraph and your revision of it, I was impressed with the discussion and, at first, with the revision since the first sentence seemed to change so drastically. However, I then noticed that not much else had changed. More needs to change in this paragraph for it to be considered revised. Here are some suggestions: 1/ Is your topic sentence a good topic sentence for a concluding paragraph? Why or why not? 2/ Please review your usage of commas. 3/ Please make sure each sentence in the paragraph is a complete sentence according to the guidelines of SWE. 4/ Please review verb usage in SWE. It may very well be a good idea to take this paragraph with you to the tutoring center and review it with them. I hope you will do that. I will also look forward to seeing the revised revised paragraph. Please post that as a reply to this reply before Thursday. Thanks!
GA4.1
Peer review gives me advices about my writing mistakes includes grammar and the structure of the writing from readers point of view. It it hard to find mistakes by myself or sometimes even though I know the mistakes but I don’t know how I can develope my ideas but revision helps me flourish it. When I was in a high school, we did a revision of draft assay and classmates pointed out my whole essay was off a bit from the topic which was that I wasn’t noticed, later, I could finish my essay successfully.
Nami,
Content-wise, this is an excellent paragraph. In terms of adhering to the guidelines of sentence structure for Standard Written English, this post needs a lot of revision. Could you take this to the tutoring center and discuss the following issues with them: 1/ SWE sentence boundaries and identifying complete sentences in SWE; 2/ SWE syntax. Since you did not post a second paragraph for this assignment, why don’t you go ahead and revise the paragraph you posted and re-post that.
GA4.1
Revision is a writing process where you look over and edit someones writing material that they drafted out. It gives the writer the opportunity to fix any and every mistake in there 1st draft so that they final draft is perfectly revised and ready to had in. From experience, throughout my whole 4 years of high school in my English classes, my classmates and I always had to revise each others writing whenever we did an writing assignment.
GA4.2-Revision through Rewriting
P1: ” I learned to read in Pre-Kindergarten. Mr. Pierre, my pre-k teacher, always pilled out them huge, 3 foot, sing-along books every morning after breakfast . I remember him always pulling out my favorite book about a delicious big meatball that a royal family wanted that king had . “ The king has a big yummy meatball . The queen asks for a piece and the king gave her a piece. The prince also wants a piece and so does the princess,,” says Mr. Pierre when reciting the book has my classmates and I repeats after him. I got on to reading the words by him pointing at them has he reads. After that , I knew how to read and say the words on my own. Me saying and reading all of them words at 4 surprises me now cause some 4 year olds today hardly now how to read. Not even there names.”
P2: 1) In my first paragraph , it is about how I learned to read in pre-kindergarten.
2) The purpose of this paragraph is to explain how I really began to read.
3) This paragraph fulfill its purpose well because it shows how enthusiastic I was about reading.
P3: I first learned to read in Pre-Kindergarten from my favorite teacher, Mr. Pierre . It all started with Mr. Pierre pulling out the 3 foot books that you would to hold with both of your hands. He surprisingly would always pull out my favorite reading about a delicious big meatball that a royal family wanted that king had. ” Repeat after me ” he always say to my classmates and I. ” The king has a big yummy meatball . The queen asks for a piece and the king gave her a piece. The prince also wants a piece and so does the princess”, he reads slow so that we can catch up on what he reads. He did this every morning after so till we gotten use to it. He did it of course with many other books. After him doing that daily routine for about 6 months, I knew how to read and say certain words on my own. Me saying and reading all of them words at 4 surprises me now cause some 4 year olds today hardly now how to read. Not even there names.
GA 4.1
Revision is a process in which you get to fix up your mistakes in your writing. Peer editing allows for someone else to look over your writing and say what they think should be fixed up. I find peer editing very helpful to me because I like to see how my writing is in someone else’s eyes. Sometimes its hard to find my mistakes in my writing but when someone else looks at it they can point out a mistake right away. Throughout high school, my teacher always made us do peer editing whenever we were assigned a writing. I always found peer editing helpful.
G.A 4.2
1) When I was little I did not find reading entertaining. I would rather occupy my time with playing with my siblings, playing outside, or even watching TV. I found reading difficult and not enjoyable. In first grade I had to go to a reading specialist to help me keep up with the rest of the class and she used fun and exciting activities that sparked my interest in reading. I remember acting out plays and dressing up as characters in a book making the story come alive. This memory is so vivid to me that I still remember the teachers name, Miss Sara. Miss Sara taught me how reading can be fun and exciting if you want it to be. I would enjoy reading when I was with her but when I came home from school I would never think twice to pick up a book on my own and start reading.
2) This paragraph explains how I did not enjoy reading when I was little. I don’t find this paragraph to be a very good one. I feel that this paragraph should be broken up into 2 separate paragraphs, an introduction and body paragraph. This paragraph is my new introduction.
3) Reading pretty much always seemed like a bore to me. The people who liked reading bored me even more. Why would you read when you can play outside or watch TV? How do people enjoy reading, it takes up so much time and concentration? I never understood it, until I understood it!
*GA 4.1
Revision is a process in which you are done your draft, are ready to correct any mistakes, and make your essay as good as possible. Peer editing is a part of the revision process that was new to me. However I liked it a lot.Its a very important part of the revision process because its revision being done by someone who didn’t write the essay so its being seen through a readers perspective. After getting revised by a reader the writer’s too must revise they’re essay until they are happy with the way they’re work sounds.
*GA 4.2- Revision through Rewriting-
Draft paragraph: I learnt to read the same way most of us did. Our parents taught us the alphabet song when we’re first able to talk. Then in kindergarten and through 1st grade we actually learned the alphabet and what sound each letter makes.Then to put the letters and sounds together to form words. I would say that’s how most people these days have learnt to read. For me however it was different.
1. This paragraph is about the way most people learn to read and write.
2.This paragraph is my introduction. Its supposed to show how most people learn to read and it ends off kind of leaving the reader wanting to read the next paragraph. The paragraph ends by saying that I am not the same as everyone else but it doesn’t say why I am different until the next paragraph.
3. I think it fulfills its purpose pretty well about the concept of reading but not writing. I would have to add in writing somehow.
4. The only question I would think the reader would have is how was it differnt for me?
Revised paragraph: I would say that writing comes along with reading. It makes sense because if we can’t form words to read how can we write them? I learnt to read the same way most of us did. Our parents taught us the alphabet song when we are first able to talk. Then through our beginning year of schooling we actually learn the sounds each letter makes and eventually to put the letters and sounds together to form words. Once you’ve learnt to read at about the age of 6 or 7 you then learn to write. That’s how it works for pretty much everyone besides for me.
GA 4.1 Revision is a term of writers and editors that is changed to make the reading articles from writers more sense. Imagine if you made a sentence that had a little bit of flaws but with revision, you can improve your mistakes and show the readers that even writers can make mistakes but improve their actions to make the writing more understanding. Revision helps others make corrections to sentences that needs to be changed or fixed. If I try to revise something in one of my paragraphs it would need to be revised to show the readers how I can improve my work and understand how my writing functions properly.
GA4.1
I take revision as it’s literal definition, that is to revise or edit something in light of new knowledge or infomation. The connotations usualy associated with the word for me was when writing a literary piece and mistakes or information needed to be corrected. Following the strict definiton i see things being revised everyday even certain viewpoints i had can get revised just by engaging in casual conversation with someone. i see revision in writing as a way to make changes, to me it does not mean final you can revise a revision if need be, simply for the fact that the wording may sound better no mistakes were made, or new information found except the fact that you like one way over the other. Thats all revision in writing seems to be to me , editing more off of preference.
GA4.2
Unfortunately, English was my first language. Being that as it is reading and writing came fairly easy; as I was doing so in my native tongue. I don’t remember learning how to read, I even interviewed several close friends, and family they seem to not remember either. The general consensus seems to be we learned to read at too early a stage to remember something like our first book or even sentence. I also was never read to as a child, neither were my brothers, sisters, parents, nor most of my friends. I don’t know how big a role or memory that is for a child, but it is always depicted in movies as a bonding, learning point in a child’s life. Regardless of story time in my household or lack thereof there are some unforgettable memories I have associated with learning to write.
1) The purpose of this paragraph was to give insight to the direction of my essay. As a narrative i took a more conversational tone providing a backstory explaining my thesis, that upon further anylysis seems dragged
2)The paragraph does complete its purpose however i now notice that it is mostly completed in the last sentence and i need a more concise intro, however drawing it is
3)A reader may ask why i shifted topics so quickly, which is why im demoloshing the entire intro and redesigning
Did you know that lefties make up 10 percent of the population? That would explain the uncomfortable desks in school, right-handed devices and gadgets such as scissors, and a a general inabilty to color inside the lines. Granted, 90 percent is an overwhelming majority but I belive I speak for all lefties when I say; I’m here too! It was annoying growing up but that just meant we had to adapt, however that wasn’t easy or an option in my case but that led to some unforgettable memories in learning to write.
GA:4.1
Revision is a process of letting the reader know about the mistakes they made in their writing. It helps the reader identify the mistakes they made and can able to fix it. revising the final draft could help the writer do much better in their 1st draft. Back in high school whenever we used to write any kind of essays we always use to do peer editing and revise each others essay so we can help each other out to form a brilliant essay.
GA:4.2
Draft paragraph:
As technology got better and placed itself into our everyday lives people got lazier day by day and instead of writing we started typing and instead of reading the chapter or the book some of us just search up the summary and just read the paragraph. Technology had a big impact on us. As it helps some to bright achievements but also got some people towards failure. It all depends of how you use it. Writing is a kind of creativity, which gives you enjoyment and sometimes just relieves your mind from your thoughts.
1. This paragraph is one of my body paragraphs.
2. This paragraph about how reading and writing go affected by introducing of technology.People started typing instead of writing, and reading short summarized paragraphs instead of finish reading the book or the chapter. Even though technology had impacts on us which had a bright side and also a dark side and it totally depends how one uses it which differs in their reading and writing.
3. I think I need to add a few more information and have to build up more stronger points.
Revised paragraph:
As technology introduced itself into our daily life and as it got better and placed itself into our everyday lives people got lazier day by day and instead of writing we started typing and instead of reading the chapter or the book some of us just search up the summary and just read the short summarized paragraphs. Technology had a big impact on us. As it helps some to bright achievements but also got some people towards failure. It all depends of how you use it. Writing is a kind of creativity, which gives you enjoyment and sometimes just relieves your mind from your thoughts. Reading gives us peace and can make us pass our spare time and be informative at sometimes and give us useful information which we can use.
GA4.1
Revision to me means seeing something from a different perspective. Revising something, like a piece of writing, is actively reading it over while thinking of things you can add/take out. When I revised my most recent song, I ended up simplifying it and rephrasing it to get rid of access wording. The song turned out better sounding and the message was clearer.
GA4.2
The second paragraph in my essay is all about personal experience. It is a brief summary of my experience moving to this country and being first introduced to writing. In this paragraph I wrote some of the difficulties I have faced as a young kid trying to fit into a new culture and learn a new language. Also I tried to portray my early connection with writing. I feel like this would make the reader partially understand the struggle behind moving to a new place and learning a new language. Some of the questions people might ask is:
How old was I?
Where did I move from?
What caused me to move?
Starting young, writing in English used to be my biggest weakness. When my parents divorced, I was forced to move to America from Ukraine at 12 years old and had no other choice but to learn English. I started school here less than a year after I moved. Going to school without being able to communicate with others was really difficult for me. I wanted to fit in and that desire to be a part of caused great determination to learn the language. It took me about 3 weeks to be able to leave the ESL class and join a somewhat regular class. I say somewhat regular because you don’t usually see sixteen and seventeen year olds in sixth grade. It was almost impossible to learn anything with all the talking and the fighting that constantly went on in the back of the class; however, I managed. Unfortunately, my first teacher from that class died of a heart attack after a parent teacher conference that was held after the first semester of classes. In my eyes, he was a great teacher. He always talked about reading and writing as a tool to become wise. This made me inspired and more determined to progress.