Growing up I was a kid with no direction, no motivation or understanding of why we have to go to school every day. Every day in school I never really put much effort into anything school related, with my only reason for even attending and getting normal grades being my parents. I was tired today due to staying awake all night playing with my friends the night before. In class my teacher called on me to answer a question on the board, I got up to do it. Feeling sluggish, I answered the question. going back to my seat, I went to open my phone and probably slack off or something, but then as I opened my music app I saw a message from my mother that would change things forever. “Abba had a heart attack, he just arrived at the hospital.” My heart started beating at a very accelerated rate, I thought to myself “MY father? this can’t be happening.”
After school I immediately head home to get picked up to the hospital. “What happened” I asked my mom in a worried voice. “He was carrying some boxes into the house and he just got a heart attack.” tears flowing down my eyes I told my mother that this couldn’t be real. My father was a strong person who couldn’t fall to something like a heart attack. My biggest inspiration throughout my whole life, the strongest person ever, falling to something like this? it couldn’t be true. I arrived at the hospital and found out that he was in very bad shape. I went to the emergency room and the first words that came out of my fathers mouth are “You need to apply yourself more in school, you are going nowhere in life.” This statement shocked me, before even addressing anything about himself he decided to make a remark about me? that was a surprise. thinking he would recover fast, I just took the words as words and carried on… how wrong I was to think like that.
I’m sorry to hear about your father, from what I’ve read it looks like your father’s unfortunate accident is going to affect the amount of effort you put into school, in that case, I can see the direction your story is going, and feel since I’m able to do that you’re story telling is good since it has a clear direction.
RAZ: Ok finally after a few attempts at different HWs, you are getting going on a story that might work. I believe you are using the Resilience option 4 about a hardship you faced in school. Am I correct?
Work on par breaks
Growing up I was a kid with no direction, no motivation or understanding of why we have to go to school every day. Every day in school I never really put much effort into anything school related, with my only reason for even attending and getting normal grades being my parents. [Rephrase for CLARITY. Make one sentence. The only reason I was even attending classes and getting normal grades was my parents.]
I was tired today [when? Cold winter day at the beginning of second semester of my junior year] due Rephrase for Clarity. Make one sentence. I had been staying awake] to staying awake all night playing with my friends the night before. In class my teacher [WHAT class? WHAT teacher name?] called on me to answer a question on the board, I got up to do it. Feeling sluggish, I answered the question. [cap] going back to my seat, I went to open my phone and probably slack off or something, but then
[New sentence new paragraph As I] as I opened my music app I saw a message from my mother that would change things forever. “Abba had a heart attack, he just arrived at the hospital.”
[new speaker = new par] My heart started beating at a very accelerated rate, I thought to myself “MY father? this can’t be happening.”
After school I immediately head home to get picked up to the hospital. “What happened” I asked my mom in a worried voice.
“He was carrying some boxes into the house and he just got a heart attack.” [cap!] tears flowing down my eyes I told my mother that this couldn’t be real. My father was a strong person who couldn’t fall to something like a heart attack. My biggest inspiration throughout my whole life, the strongest person ever, falling to something like this? it couldn’t be true.
[new par] I arrived at the hospital and found out that he was in very bad shape. I went to the emergency room and the first words that came out of my fathers mouth are “You need to apply yourself more in school, you are going nowhere in life.” This statement shocked me, before even addressing anything about himself he decided to make a remark about me? that was a surprise. thinking he would recover fast, I just took the words as words and carried on… how wrong I was to think like that.
NOW you are at the beginning of your story. WHAT are the events that will move your story forward? WHAT events can show you changing at school because these words from your father ring in your ears? HOW did his illness affect you? Did your father make it? Did you have to spend time at home helping him recuperate? SHOW me a scene with CSD that SHOWs the hardship and the difficulty you faced at school because you were dealing with your dad’s serious illness at home.
STUDY writing options4 Resilience from the Assignment Unit One.