“We don’t have school next week”
“How do you know?”
“I heard Mr.Paul talking about it”
8th Grade, whispers of having no school the following week flew around the class. Little did we know that this week would turn into a month, and from a month to a year. I would say I was a social butterfly in my early years, I was a very energetic, imaginative, child. like most of my peers were I’m sure, everyone went through something during the pandemic, loved ones were lost, connections were severed, and quarantine for most had transformed their beloved homes, into prison cells. And like the rest of the world, I had hit rock bottom. by the time quarantine had come to an end. and schools were open to reattend, I’d changed. I remember feeling nervous, I hadn’t kept in contact with most or any of my friends, and I was going into the same building I left back in 8th grade, everything looked relatively the same, but it felt foreign, all you could see were eyes, everyone wore a mask, the school was silent, although I think that’s only how it seemed in my head. My first class was physics, the room was cold and bright white, like a doctor’s examination room, except filled with tables, I sat down, alone in the back. I bought a hoodie to combat the cold the following day and every day after. I never spoke in that class or any, people were barely showing up to school, so I had a hard time making friends, my teachers never or rarely called me to speak, and when they did I’d decline.
I got used to the routine, Grab a hoodie, go to school, sit in silence and do my work, go home. I had two friends, but I hardly went out of my way to talk to them, I’d usually just follow them around while they socialized, nobody had seen me without a mask, because I never took it off, not even to eat. I was essentially mute as far as anyone outside of my little circle knew. Then Ms.Rust my physics teacher called me to solve and explain a problem to the class. As I’d usually do, I politely declined, but she insisted and made a comment about my lack of participation, I had figured being top of her class would be more than enough (little brag). reluctantly I got up to the board, shivering not from the cool air, but from nervousness. I solved the problem on the board and wrote it out, just the answer. That was my mistake, Ms.Rust asked me to explain, and I looked back, all eyes on me, the class dead silent. I began, trying to get the words out felt weird, I rarely had to speak, let alone at a loud volume, it kind of felt like I lost my voice because once I tried forming my first word nothing came out. like there was a barrier blocking it in my throat, I tried again this time I was successful, before I could finish my first sentence, an accumulation of shocked faces and dropped jaws filled the class. I continued when this kid from the back of the class exclaimed about me sounding like a man and having a baby face. “say I’m Batman” someone else chimed in. As time went on, and I spoke more often, those faces and reactions became more frequent, I got used to it though. but before I did it had made me inclined to speak less.
Junior year was relatively the same until I got classes with Micah, Micah was a friend of mine from elementary school, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in years but by coincidence, he and a a group of older middle school friends had returned to the school. Micah was very social, not a person I knew didn’t know Micah, I aspired to be more like him. I remember leaving Class after witnessing Micah entertain the class including the teacher. I asked him “How do you have so many friends? What’s the secret, put me on” his response. “Just talk to people, Day, peep game, lock in”. And so I did, the following year, my senior year, I decided to make a big change, I took off the mask, and I wore the hoodie less often. On my first day, I felt exposed, I was so used to having a mask that I didn’t know what to do with my mouth now that it was out, I thought I looked better with a mask on, and my self-confidence was gone. most people I came across made a big deal of my mask being off, the feedback I got was mostly positive, which helped me gain the confidence I needed to feel comfortable in my skin again. I was still struggling to talk to people as I lacked the confidence to do so. so I went to Micah, “Fake it till you make it, just act confident and it’ll come to you naturally eventually” Those were the words and are still the words that play in my head every time I speak to someone new.
And he was right, over time it’d come more naturally, it took less and less effort for me to talk to new people. I even wanted to do it, I accumulated a big group of friends, multiple groups, and most if not everyone knew me or of me. my newfound confidence paved the way for my social life, I was able to find more opportunities and live out many of my dreams, things I wanted to do before leaving high school, I had a “power line moment” ( I performed songs and dances on stage), I joined a club called ” multicultural club” where they’d plan school activities and go on trips, it was really fun and barely any work. I loved my senior year, but I never would’ve had such a great experience I had if it weren’t for Micah telling me to lock in and just talk to people, to fake the confidence till it comes naturally, those words saved me. And any chance I get to pass them along I take.
Your story really gives a flashback to the time how Covid 19 had a huge impact on all of our lives. It can easily resonate to every person life in the time of pandemic. Looking to your experience how it negatively impacts social and academic life. Demonstrates how you have changed by the time you joined school again. Running a repetitive life of going to school, not participating, having no friends really seems like being isolated, and miserable. The fact, how you overcome your obstacles, getting out of your comfort zones with a supportive friend is a really blessing thing. I love the motivational quote your friend said to you, “Fake it till you make it.” this illustrates how keeping positive mindset, having confidence within yourself can really help you with your lack of competence. Therefore, you build strength, growth positive self-esteem and find new opportunity.
Dashawnâlots of rich material here â Good work here!
Here I offer some ideas and edits:
Possible title: Finding my Power Line Moment
âWe donât have school next week.â [PERIOD INSIDE QUOTES]
âHow do you know?â
âI heard Mr.Paul talking about itâ PERIOD
8th Grade, whispers of having no school the following week flew around the class. Little did we know that this week would turn into a month, and from a month to a year. I would say I was a social butterfly in my early years, I was a very energetic, imaginative, child. [NEED CAPITALS AT SENTENCE BEGINNING] like most of my peers were Iâm sure, everyone went through something during the pandemic, loved ones were lost, connections were severed, and quarantine for most had transformed their beloved homes, into prison cells. And like the rest of the world, I had hit rock bottom. by the time quarantine had come to an end. and schools were open to reattend, Iâd changed. [HOW? CSD needed]
[WHEN? WHAT grade? WHAT school didyou attend? I remember that first day back. I was starting 10th grade at NAME High School.] I remember feeling nervous, I hadnât kept in contact with most or any of my friends, and I was going into the same building I left back in 8th grade, everything looked relatively the same, but it felt foreign, all you could see were eyes, everyone wore a mask, the school was silent, although I think thatâs only how it seemed in my head. [good CSD]
[NEED PARAGRAPH BREAKS! new topic = new paragraph] My first class was physics, the room was cold and bright white, [good CSD here] like a doctorâs examination room, except filled with tables, I sat down, alone in the back. I bought a hoodie to combat the cold the following day and every day after. I never spoke in that class or any, people were barely showing up to school, so I had a hard time making friends, my teachers never or rarely called me to speak, and when they did Iâd decline. [good CSD here]
[IS THIS PAR OUT OF PLACE? POSSIBLITY TO MOVE TO A BETTER PLACING?] I got used to the routine, Grab a hoodie, go to school, sit in silence and do my work, go home. I had two friends, but I hardly went out of my way to talk to them, Iâd usually just follow them around while they socialized, nobody had seen me without a mask, because I never took it off, not even to eat. I was essentially mute as far as anyone outside of my little circle knew.
Then Ms.Rust my physics teacher called me to solve and explain a problem to the class. As Iâd usually do, I politely declined, but she insisted and made a comment about my lack of participation, I had figured being top of her class would be more than enough (little brag). reluctantly I got up to the board, shivering not from the cool air, but from nervousness. I solved the problem on the board and wrote it out, just the answer.
That was my mistake, Ms.Rust asked me to explain, and I looked back, all eyes on me, the class dead silent. I began, trying to get the words out felt weird, I rarely had to speak, let alone at a loud volume, it kind of felt like I lost my voice because once I tried forming my first word nothing came out. like there was a barrier blocking it in my throat, I tried again this time I was successful, before I could finish my first sentence, an accumulation of shocked faces and dropped jaws filled the class.
I continued when this kid from the back of the class [called out, âHey he sounds like a man but heâs got a baby face!â
[Captial and comma after] âSay Iâm Batman,â someone else chimed in.
[SO WHAT was your reaction as you stood at the board? WHAT did you do or say? HOW was this interatction changing the dynamics? WHAT was happening to this community of learners in Ms. Rustâs physics room? â and WHAT was the effect on you? SHOW that you are gaining confidence]
As time went on, and I spoke more often, those faces and reactions became more frequent, I got used to it though. but before I did it had made me inclined to speak less. [MAKE your point here more clear]
Junior year was relatively the same until I got classes with Micah, Micah was a friend of mine from elementary school [a few CSD about Micah] , I hadnât seen or spoken to him in years but by coincidence, he and a a group of older middle school friends had returned to the school. Micah was very social, not a person I knew didnât know Micah, I aspired to be more like him. I remember leaving Class after witnessing Micah entertain the class including the teacher. WHAT did he do? CSD needed!
I asked him âHow do you have so many friends? Whatâs the secret, put me onâ
his response. âJust talk to people, Day, peep game, lock inâ.
And so I did, the following year, my senior year, I decided to make a big change, I took off the mask, and I wore the hoodie less often. On my first day, I felt exposed, I was so used to having a mask that I didnât know what to do with my mouth now that it was out, I thought I looked better with a mask on, and my self-confidence was gone. [good CSD] most people I came across made a big deal of my mask being off, the feedback I got was mostly positive, which helped me gain the confidence I needed to feel comfortable in my skin again.
I was still struggling to talk to people as I lacked the confidence to do so. so I went to Micah, âFake it till you make it, just act confident and itâll come to you naturally eventuallyâ Those were the words and are still the words that play in my head every time I speak to someone new.
And he was right, over time itâd come more naturally, it took less and less effort for me to talk to new people. I even wanted to do it, I accumulated a big group of friends, multiple groups, and most if not everyone knew me or of me. my newfound confidence paved the way for my social life, I was able to find more opportunities and live out many of my dreams, things I wanted to do before leaving high school, I had a âpower line momentâ ( I performed songs and dances on stage), I joined a club called â multicultural clubâ where theyâd plan school activities and go on trips, it was really fun and barely any work. [CAN YOU choose one of these high moments of senior year and create a scene â SHOW me â for example â the event of performing on stage. WHAT was the event? WHO was in the crowd? WHAT did you sing? â to SHOW Me you had found your âpower line moment.â WHAT does that phrase mean?]
[MOVE to CONCLUSION â WHAT is the takeaway message for your reader? Develop more] I loved my senior year, but I never wouldâve had such a great experience I had if it werenât for Micah telling me to lock in and just talk to people, to fake the confidence till it comes naturally, those words saved me. And any chance I get to pass them along I take.