” You’re not gonna make it, you’re going to struggle, you’re going to be homeless or at least broke struggling to survive, you won’t be as successful as them, you’ll disappoint them.”
These are the words I often find playing on repeat at my head.
I am very lucky to say, for the most part my family and friends are nothing but supportive of me. But unfortunately it doesn’t stop me from doubting myself. I live in a family were most if not all of my relatives are successful, retired, or grinding and on a clear path to success. They’re very dedicated and for that they live or are set to live comfortable lives. From a young age I’ve never really liked school, or more accurately I’ve never liked doing school work. I’d often get calls home from teachers to tell my parents that I have not done an assignment or assignments, I’d often procrastinate my work, and stress about doing it later. Of course it didn’t always work out in my favor and I ended up in summer school fifth grade.
My mom, like any other would be, was upset, and my sister never let me live it down. Fast forward to my junior year, I had bettered myself, but still had a bad habit of procrastination, everyone was giving me talks about doing better, my sister still bringing up my academic failures from previous years, and having to start looking for colleges I was stressed, the importance of doing my work had finally kicked in and I realized my previous to years of just “getting by” weren’t gonna get me far, so I started trying to do better, but I wasn’t making much headway as the school year had been coming to an end. After finishing the school year, and getting talks from my mom every other week about how I have to take my schooling seriously, and referencing all my successful aunts and uncles, I feared that I’d be the black sheep of the family. But instead of just let that fear consume me I decided if i’d the best I could and get out of my bad habits, and it had shown great results my senior year I’d have to say was my best year academically, and the fear of failing had subsided.
But once I graduated, it hit me that life was going to start getting hard, I was/ am going to start having bills to pay, I’m gonna have to get a 9-5 to pay said bills, and look for a place to live as I don’t plan on living with my mom at the age of 24-30, I am scared, it seems like so much to carry, more responsibility then I’ve ever had to carry, if I fall behind, will I be able to catch back up? I’m not sure, its the unknown, the uncertainty, that scares me, the thought that I could fall back into my bad habits. So I sit up at night thinking to myself for hours, ” what if I slip up? I will slip up, ill be here when I’m 30, or I’ll be out on the streets, the failure of the family, how will I be able to manage all that responsibility?” But then I think to myself ” I won’t be a failure, I’m going to do what I have to do, I will succeed” and make a promise to myself to always do my best. So everyday, I do my best to prove to myself that I can do it. And I will.
It’s very good that you worked so hard to push yourself to be better, and I think your efforts and come into fruition.
Sometimes our minds can be our worst enemy because of the negative thoughts we think about and it can be scary to think about the burdens we will have in the future. Just like myself who is constantly overthinking about all the responsibilities I will have, the best thing to do is to live in the present and check off something’s you want to achieve one by one, not everything is going to be how we expect it but the important thing is to get it done. Also don’t be scared about failure because it always teaches us to thrive for more and do better, I’m fascinated of how you decided to change your ways and wanted to become a better version of yourself. The way you realize how adulthood is going to be like proves how you’ll be ready when it comes, I wish you the best on your journey.
I am not sure you have a story here. Notice that you are just telling me a bunch of stuff.
SO – Let me ask:
Was there a specific event that turned you around as a student?
Was it your mom receiving calls from your teachers? Was it failing fifth grade and being forced to do summer school?
In senior year, instead of just telling me – can you show me what steps you took to “better” yourself? What did you do differently that made senior year your “best year academically”?