“Все в этой семье чего-то добились в жизни, кроме тебя. Ты хоть когда-нибудь чего-то будешь стоить, осёл?” words that were thrown at me by my mother in Russian which translate to: Everyone in this family has gotten somewhere in life but you and add will you ever be worth anything donkey? The words of pain, Growing up within a family of esteemed medical professionals, the weight of expectations to uphold the Babaev name was a constant presence in my life. Excelling academically was paramount, as I endeavored to earn the approval of my discerning parents. In my pursuit of their recognition, I engaged in a multitude of activities, balancing academics with participation in various sports teams, all in the hope of standing out in their eyes.
Despite my best efforts, praise from my parents remained elusive. With both my grandparents practicing surgery and my father’s affiliation with the Uzbek counterpart of the CIA, their standards were exceptionally high. Throughout my formative years, I embodied the archetype of the honor student: Sociable, mature, athletic, intelligent, and deeply involved in extracurricular pursuits. However, the relentless quest to prove my worth to my parents left me fatigued, yearning for a change that would set me apart from the comparisons my mother made with her friends’ children.
My journey has not been without its challenges, particularly in gaining my family’s acceptance of my chosen path. After years of striving to validate my worthiness of the family name, I felt a sense of accomplishment. However, my parents viewed my achievements as mere hobbies, causing profound disappointment. Their rejection of my passion, a field I was deeply devoted to, simply because it did not align with conventional notions of honor, was a painful blow.
I understand the weight of expectations from your family and how it holds you down constantly. Unfortunately, with Immigrant parents that are successful comes great expectations and pressure. I think validation is a scary thing because it’s an engraved feeling that comes with having such hard headed parents that expect a very specific life from you. I feel that it even keepsmany of us young people from stepping out of our comfort zones and taking risks. I hope your sense of accomplishment over powers their rejection and you’re able to study a career you are genuinely content with.
I always told myself that you can’t make everybody happy. You have to do what makes you happy. When it comes to parents its very hard to say no, to stand up for yourself, because they are the first people in your life. They gave you life and sometimes we feel obligated to pay them back for it. We have a choice as an individual to live life to the fullest. It hurts when the people we love the most are not supportive of our dreams and its hard to let go of those expectations they seem to have ingrained in us since we were young. I hope that you can look within yourself and see that you are enough. You can achieve your goals and your dreams and be happy. You can be a successful person in your own field. No one can live your life better than you can.
SAID:
Good work – You write well. I would like you to work on writing with more CSD Concrete Specific Details. You are doing a lot of telling; instead you need to show me with specific details and descriptions that make your writing come alive.
SO – when did your mother say this to you? Where were you? Place this conversation in context of place time and more specific details. ALSO — What exactly type of medical profession is your family’s work? DETAILS NEEDED! Your father is a surgeon working in hospital? You imply some kind of fame when you say “esteemed” – is your family famous for being surgeons in your home city? Be careful of using wide generalizations.
You write “multitude of activities” so WHAT exact activities were you doing? WHAT sports? Instead of writing with generalities. BE SPECIFIC?
WHAT was happening in your life that caused disapproval from your parents? Were you failing some subjects? What was this “chosen path” that did not meet your mother’s expectations? Obviously you were not choosing a medical path of study? But your parents wanted you to become a doctor?
SHOW me the conversation with more of the dialogue back and for the to show me some of the details. Did you answer back with, “So Mom you and Dad have never liked that I want to be a software engineer. What’s wrong with doing what I want? I will never be a surgeon like Dad!” My mother was yelling at me from the kitchen table and I hung my head over my computer. (See the details? See the scene I am painting?)
SHOW me your “pain” don’t just tell me – did you slump your head, did your heart pound loudly as you listened to her insulting words? She called you a donkey!
PROBLEM: I am left with many questions and not a clear PICTURE of you at this time when your mother was “throwing” these words of not being good enough at you.
RLW and study what the writers from our readings show us. Examine the scene and the CSD that Colin Powell writes into his story when his parents refer to him as “nice boy, but now direction.” Look at all the dialogue he shows us and the family’s inside discussion about what a failure he was at school.