The essay I am revising is the lens essay. My lens essay has a lot of details but not a lot of strong evidence. I feel like it could be better than what it is now, It is lacking a lot of important things. I’m not entirely sure how the lens essay is suppose to be like. The lens essay I am rewriting is how are video games addicting. I feel like this is a good topic because there is more than enough sources that you go about this topic. I want to write about something different instead of brain plasticity it could be about cognitive surplus.  I could show the benefits and the disadvantages about the use of addiction to video games. I still have difficulties about what I really want to write. The use if the internet has created people that become addicted to the internet. This could be a benefit because people who are addicted to the internet have a cognitive surplus of their time and use to release some of the stress they have or escape the reality that troubles them.

In “Is  Google making us stupid” author Nicholas Carr describes how the internet makes us lazy. I personally agree with this. The internet keeps growing slowly and it shows that people depend on the internet very often. When people use the internet a lot it starts to see the pattern in which you things. For example when you shop online or even watch YouTube. It shows you a recommended for you column or for shopping things you might like. This surprised me because I am on the internet very often and it knows what i buy or what i like to read and watch on YouTube. It also puts a sense of forgetfulness in your mind because the computer or device that your using is thinking for you and helps you get distracted real easily. Furthermore the internet makes you read faster than going into depth reading. For example when your reading a book you tend to read and fully understand it as for the internet if your on it reading an article you tend to skim it rather than full reading it figuring out some part of what is going on. The internet is everywhere making people rely on it too much, they make keep your eyes on your phone half of the day is a big part of the world. The more technology advances the more people will use it. People get more lazy when technology advances it thinks for them and also gives them less time on their hands.

When I was writing my rhetorical analysis I really didn’t have an idea in my head of what I really wanted to portray on my essay. I was stuck on one thing for so long. Not really sure about what rhetorical analysis to focus on but if I focused on multiple I would have to explain all of them. I didn’t really fully understand what to write in general. One positive aspect on the revision that helped we was peer editing what I did wrong to help me write the essay over with a better understanding. I was lost writing this rhetorical analysis. Another positive thing about my writing is that when I write It makes sense and doesn’t have the reader all over the place lost. At the same time I still need help with the sentence structures because its gets confusing because some evidence is more powerful than others, and I’m not entirely sure about how to go about that and turn it into something the reader would love to grab and continue reading. I’ve noticed I tend to repeat a lot of sentences and reword them to give them a deeper sentence. The negative aspect is that I could use stronger words to describe or portray the fact. When I read over the essay I’ve noticed that I use a lot of strong evidence but with weak sentence and weak sentence  structures. I tend to go on with run on sentences and not put commas in my writings.

In “I have a dream” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr speaks about how fed up he is about his people getting treated like animals. He dislikes the inequality that are being served by the white people to his people. He wants a change, he wants everybody to be happy and equal. He has a dream that one day that blacks and whites will be equal. It is very interesting that the use of repetition is used as a way to make people open their eyes and see what is really wrong. Dr. King says “I have a dream” to show hopes for the future and to give his people a dream that they can fight for equality. It also demonstrates that the he sees an image in his head of blacks and whites together. He states “little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk down together brothers and sisters”. This is also very powerful because racism was and still is a big issue. Having dreams like this demonstrates that Dr. King wants for blacks his people and whites to be one and live together peacefully. He writes this because he is tired of the racism he wants his audience to feel the same pain he does to make them take a stand and stand up for themselves. Kings argument is to make is people realize that they can no longer live in society that treats them like garbage because they are better than that and live normal lives like the wealthy white people.

Dear Dr. King,

One of your most powerful aspects of your “I have a dream” speech was the repetition of the words “one hundred years later”. The repeated pattern shows that nothing has happened in over one hundred years. The police brutality, and the racism is still the same over the years. Dr. King wants thing to change and for the black community to make a stand for themselves. The same problem is occurring for the past hundred years. This is a powerful aspect because it shows nothing happened for the hundred years and Dr. King is sick of it, wants the white people and the black people to be equal and stop the violence.

I noticed the language of the “Birmingham Jail” is rather different from the “I have a dream”  speech. This writing sounds more aggressive and it gives you a picture in your head about what was really going on during that time. When it says “its ugly record of police brutality” this could give you a picture of what is happening to the black people during that time. It gives a picture of sadness In the black community because of the police brutality and degrades the people. It degrades because since they are separated they feel less of a person and more like an animal. The police would abuse them for fun like they would do to an animal. This is similar to the “I have a dream” speech because you want to change what is going on in the world.