Examples of strong writing (list is growing each week!)

 

Summary

Here is an example of a summary that I have written about “A Coney Island of the Mind.” You must write a summary about a short reading for Part I of your final exam. Make sure your summary:

  • Captures the author’s main point or purpose for writing
  • Introduces the author’s name, title of writing, type of writing, and context for writing
  • Gives 2 or 3 supporting points the author makes to support her purpose
  • Includes one quote to convey a flavor of the author’s tone and style
  • Does not include your personal opinion or reaction

Example summary:

In her short memoir “A Coney Island of the Mind,” Kate Roiphe narrates a date at Coney Island. Roiphe’s writing focuses on comparing the experience of riding the wild and unpredictable Cyclone rollercoaster with the date she has brought to the amusement park. The author’s purpose for writing is to show how this fixture of Brooklyn, the Coney Island Cyclone, is similar to many intimate relationships — although it is exciting, it presents some risk of danger. In fact, Roiphe captures this idea best when she writes about the amusement park worker who is supposed to check the Cyclone’s track to make sure it is working properly. She writes: “Why should we trust a man checking a track, a man whose mind could be wandering…” This quote, though innocent at first, means that on a deep level the author suggests we cannot really trust anyone. During the this narration and analysis of her date at Coney Island, Roiphe also interjects a story about her father growing up in Brooklyn. Her father was a man who was quiet about his past and childhood, and the author raises stories about him to further the idea that she does not truly know anyone, or can trust anyone. This final idea is driven home when she writes that she marries the man she took on a date to Coney Island, but after four years they separate, and Roiphe wonders, “Where was that man who checks every inch of the track?”

 

 

Paragraph organization: narration

Below is an example of a paragraph that uses narration to organize its details. To organize a paragraph with narration, you must tell a story. A story has a beginning, middle, and an end, and each event is carefully selected to support a larger point. For instance, pretend I want to prove that my mother is a caring woman. I can tell a very short story, or narrate a short anecdote that demonstrates how caring my mother is. Example: (beginning) Yesterday my father came home after working for 14 hours. (Middle) My mother rubbed his shoulders and made him some dinner. (End) My father said he felt relaxed and that he was happy he had a good home.

Okay, sort of silly example; however, you get the point. I want to prove my mother is caring. As a result, I tell three short events that demonstrate this fact. Below is an example from a student essay that wants to prove that Stop and Frisk relies on racial profiling. Read the narrated paragraph below. See if you can find the beginning, middle, and end.

I’ve been stopped and frisked in many different occasions. In fact, last June I was driving to Pizza Hut with my brother and his friend. All of a sudden, red and blue headlights were tailing us and we were stopped. Two caucasian detectives  approached the vehicle and proceded with their usual routine. “License and registration,” one of them said. We were then told to walk to the back of the vehicle and then the cops began searching the car. As one of the detectives searched the vehicle, the other asked random questions, like, “are you in a gang?” “Have you ever been arrested?” “Do you take drugs, or are you intoxicated as we speak?” After the other cop was done searching the vehicle and with disappointment found nothing said, “The reason why we stopped you was because your muffler was hanging.” Are you serious? What relevance does a muffler hanging have to do with this procedure of detainment? Why did the cops need to search the car? These three “law enforcers” saw three young people of color in a car and stopped them based on racial assumptions.

 

Addressing the Audience

There are times when addressing your audience is crucial, or at the very least can work to your advantage. Or, at the worst, if you aren’t aware of your audience, you could really put your foot in your mouth. Consider the following scenarios:

Ignorant of audience: A politician goes to Buffalo to give a campaign speech during the speech he mentions that he is not a football fan. (Rrrrrr! Record skips!) Everyone in Buffalo is a huge football fan. To admit you don’t like football, well, you best not expect to have any friends. So, this politician hasn’t done his homework and doesn’t know his audience.

Aware of audience: Someone running for student government at City Tech gives a speech where he promises to build faster elevators in the Namm Building. (Ding ding ding!) This campaigner is more savvy because he knows that everyone at City Tech kvetches about the elevators. As a result, he scores points with students because he knows something about them.

Here is an example of a student paper about the Stop and Frisk policies that makes reference to its audience, the City Tech community:

The City Tech Community is outraged with the Stop and Frisk program. Many New Yorker City Police Department officers have abused the power that this program has granted them. As students and citizens of this city, we need to stay informed about what is affecting us.

This introduction immediately speaks to its audience and gets the reader involved with the writing, right away.

Introductions

Using dialogue or creating a dramatic scene:

What better way to get your readers interested in your writing than by transporting their imaginations into a dramatic scene described from the first sentence of the introduction. Here is an example from a student essay:

“Knock, knock…”
(Two men in suits, coming from church, pull up to another car and double park.)
“Knock, knock…”
(Rolls down window.)
“Hey guys, where are you coming from?”
“Church.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have any guns or weapons in here would you?”
(The two men look at each other in amazement and shock.)
“…No.”
(Officer looks through the window, then slowly walks away.)

Extended example:

Give a vivid, longer example in your introduction to let the reader “soak up” the topic:

As I sit here reading The Brooklyn Eagle, I can relate to the story I just read on “Stop and Frisk.” Here is a teenager by the name of Justin Serrano who was only 13 years old the first time he was stopped by the police, and also his little brother, age 7 who he was walking with on their way home from school.

Serrano describes the incident to be a very overwhelming episode where he and his brother sat in the back of a police car for an hour for mistaken identity. Luckily, it turned out to be just that, and no arrest came with this incident.

After these paragraphs the writer gives his position on Stop and Frisk. The first two paragraphs just serve to get our interest up.