I am going to start posting writing tips based on examples from student essays. I will try to post at least one positive example and one suggestion in each post. I will not post anyone’s name here, but if you see your writing used and you would like it taken down, please let me know and I will do so.
Instead of the static page I’ve created “examples of strong writing,” I am just going to post examples under the category “Writing Tip.”
Unique hooks or attention-getters:
Here are some unique hooks that got my attention for the midterm essay with reasons why I liked these hooks in brackets:
When people hear the word art, they think of portraits and paintings that hang in museums and galleries. [mentions lots of specific objects]
Vibrant pastel colors, heavy bass and high treble, and satisfying smiles on young faces are all characteristics of urban art. [vibrant descriptive image]
In “My Life in Graffiti,” Joseph Anastasio describes tagged subway cars: “Each car was unique. Each one covered with paint, sweat, and life itself.” [begins with a relevant quote]
Hooks that need some work:
In this essay I will explain how urban art can change people’s lives. [don’t announce the topic you are discussing]
Art has existed since the beginning of mankind. [too broad — be more specific!!!]
Check out these hooks. Can you see why the top three are more effective than the bottom two versions? What type of hook did you use for the beginning of your essay?
Good night!
Ambient music inspiration of the night:
Laurie Spiegel – “East River Dawn”
