6. For Friday 10/2

For Friday 10/2

If you missed our Zoom today, please view the recording and post a summary in the Zoom summaries category.

  1. For Friday, let’s begin wrapping up our work with Essay 1, the second draft of which will be due in your Google Drive portfolios on Wed, October 21. Read and/or re-read the feedback you received for the draft you posted under Essay 1 Feedback and share here a paragraph or so of writing that describes the changes you intend to make to your draft: additions you might make, things you might delete, paragraphs you might put in a different place. Please be as detailed as possible in describing the changes you’ll make and explaining why you want to make said changes. See if you can write 7-8 full sentences.
  2. As we began working on in the Zoom call today, we will be shifting from thinking about narrative writing (Essay 1) to thinking about analytic and thetic (thesis-based) writing as we advance toward Essay 2. To that end, we talked about what a thesis statement is and two different types of theses—definition based theses and critical/theoretical theses.I don’t want you to worry about having your own thesis for Essay 2 yet… That will come much later. What I want you to focus on for now is understanding what other writers’ theses are in the texts we are reading. To that end, using the Zoom call as a reference, what I want you to share below under #2 are

2A) what you think Jerald Block’s thesis is in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction”—and what kind of thesis this is;

2B) your own brief summary of how Christopher Lane responds to Jerald Block’s thesis in his text titled “Addicted to Addiction”—does he agree? Disagree? How/why?; and

2C) in light of these readings, whether you consider yourself to be an internet addict—and why you do or don’t think you are.

22 thoughts on “6. For Friday 10/2”

  1. 1. After reading the feedback that was left under my post I plan on making some changes to my essay. The main change I would make is to check my grammar and spelling. I struggle with grammar so it might be a bit difficult for me but not impossible. Grammar and spelling is very important in any type of writing so fixing my grammar and spelling would make my essay easier to read and just better overall. Another change I would make is to add my anaphoric sentences that I made about friends and what they represent to me. After watching one of our zoom meetings, I realized that I didn’t explain or write down how hard it was to cut off my friends. In the draft, I made it seem like it was easy for me and that I had no problem cutting them off and getting my life back together but in reality it was hard and it took awhile for me to do it. I wanna add this list to maybe tell the readers what friends mean to me and how important they are to me. Once I make a close friend I get attached and it’s very hard for me to let them go.

    2A) I think the thesis in Jerald Block’s “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” is “the diagnosis is a compulsive-impulsive spectrum disorder that involves online and/or offline computer usage and consists of at least three subtypes: excessive gaming, sexual preoccupations, and e-mail/text messaging.” This is a definitional thesis because it proposes what internet addiction is.

    2B) In Christopher Lane’s “Addiction to Addiction” text I think he disagrees with what Jerald Block had to say in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” because he states that “Before we medicate yet more teenagers and adults, let’s pause and ask whether overuse of the internet really belongs with schizophrenia and paranoia in a manual of mental disorders…If South Korea’s treatment programs are anything to go by, the solution lies in stronger ties with other human beings, not more overblown connection with the pharmaceutical industry.” Just by reading this I could tell that he didn’t agree with what Block had to say, he thinks we shouldn’t be so quick to diagnose us and use medication as a way to stop this “addiction” which is a valid point because not everything can be fixed or cured with medication. Another thing that made me think he was disagreeing with Block’s text was when he said “Still, is that really a mental disorder in the strict psychiatric sense of the term? Is it not instead a sign that technology can be all-consuming and that along with its advantages it has
    serious drawbacks that need careful attention?.” He basically questions if this could be considered a mental disorder and adds that the internet isn’t going to be perfect and we need to expect some negatives with using the internet.

    2C) I don’t think I have an internet addiction because I’m not always on my phone and I’m not worried about the emails or phone calls that I missed. Personally, I don’t like being on my phone for a long period of time because when I’m on my phone I tend to isolate myself from everyone else around me and I like it when I interact with my family and friends. So when I am with friends or have company around I stop using my phone. I will say that when I’m bored and have nothing to do I am on the internet and I do scroll on instagram or watch movies on netflix but I have a limit with how long I spend on there. Overall, i wouldn’t really call this an addiction but i do spend some time on my phone and the internet when needed.

    1. Maram,
      Thank you for these notes. The key thing here is to unpack how difficult it’s been to be “cut off from friends” in your essay. SHOW us this difficulty by showing us intereactions you’ve had (or not had), virtually and otherwise. Also, where do you think it makes sense to add your anaphoric sentences? It will take some care to find the appropriate place in your essay to insert this. Grammar is the last concern but also important!
      2. Great work with Block and Lane–you nailed it! And glad to read your thoughts on your own lack of internet addiction–phew!

  2. In my essay 1 draft, I feel as some of the details in certain parts of the essay can be repetitive or perhaps small little details that shouldn’t be involved due to how irrelevant it can be to my point of it. It can also go on to another story where my story doesn’t make sense and is on a tangent. As for changing certain paragraphs, I think I will change the timeline of the story to another much more depth time period where my perspective on things mainly changed. With the changes I’ll make, it’ll perhaps make much more sense and reasonable to do the main task for essay 1.

    2a) The thesis in the article “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” is a theoretical thesis due to the fact that if the person is attached to the internet then the effects will happen and lead on to another. “..the diagnosis is a compulsive-impulsive spectrum disorder that involves online and/or offline computer usage..” The thesis that is being written here is that the more a person is addicted to the internet, the more isolated and self minded a person can become because being on the internet too much can change your perspective or become insecure.

    2b) I think in Christopher Lane’s response to Jerald Block’s thesis he disagrees. In the text he goes off by not only adding a bit more reasonable evidence into an internet addiction or disorder; Instead he questions the outcome of it. He questions if they should assume the disorder due to a long period of time on being on the internet. Instead, he states they should look for what’s being used the most and why with research.

    2c) In my opinion, I believe I do have an internet addiction. Ever since I was a child, I was born around the era when technology and the internet was becoming a huge factor in today’s society. The video game consoles such as the ps1 and ps2 I had was all of my childhood and to this day, I still love and play video games. As I was reading Jerald Block’s thesis, I notice on how the effects on the disorder and symptoms were so connected to me like, having the urge to have better computer equipment, long hours on software’s and having the feelings of tension and sometimes depression when you’re alone in a room talking to people virtually most of your time

    1. Eufemio,
      Thank you for your Essay 1 notes. Can I ask you to provide more detail on which specific passages you want to add detail to (or remove detail from)–and why? That would help sharpen your plans for revision.

      2. Careful with Block. I’m not quite following your sentence with the quotation from Block’s article. After the quotation, you explain the ideas in it well—but how do these ideas in this sentence connect to the “theoretical” quality you claim Block’s thesis has? I’m not sure this thesis is all that “theoretical”; in a way, you are right—-he is “explaining” what he thinks Internet Addiction (IA) is. But his focus is mostly on defining what it IS——not on WHY people might get it (this would be a more “explanatory” or “theoretical” thesis). Great work with Lane and your own self-diagnosis. I would just suggest adding a bit more detail on what Lane’s “evidence” is; you mention this, but without any supporting detail on what he’s saying.
      Thanks!

  3. Some changes I can make to my essay is being more descriptive to help catch the reader’s attention. I noticed that almost all of the students wrote about their experiences in highschools, but were very straight forward. In my essay I could write about an experience that has taken place in both middle school and highschool with details, in which help formatted my conflict and the effects it had on me and how I overcame that event. In the experience I could add details that allow readers to have a picture image of what exactly is taking place, for example I could insert the prank story that I had posted for my previous assignment. As I have seen in the comments, I could also fix the formatting in my essay so that it can be more clear for readers. I could also try not to be so straightforward and kind of explore how I can insert more exciting details about how growing up can sometimes be scary or a whole different world for some people. I could also explain why maturing was so important in order to secure my future.

    a) I believe Jerald Blocks thesis in the text ”Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” is very clear. He believes that the disorder of compulsive-impulsive spectrum consists of excessive gaming, sexual preoccupation, and text messaging. Which all have the following component excessive usage, withdrawal, tolerance, and negative repercussion. I believe this type of thesis is an explanatory thesis, due to the fact that the author gives facts to support his claim.
    b) Based on Christopher Lane’s response to Jerald Blocks thesis, I believe that Christopher disagrees. In Christopher Lane’s text he states that Jerald Blocks subtypes he believes that it is based on different age groups, and how the internet is not really a disorder but more of the future of today’s society. In his text it states “Before we medicate yet more teenagers and adults, let’s pause and ask whether overuse
    of the Internet really belongs with schizophrenia and paranoia in a manual of mental Disorders. Certainly we must recognize and respond to how technology is shaping—
    sometimes blighting—many lives.”

    c) Based on the readings I believe that I am addicted to the internet or my cellular device due to the fact that it is so hard for me to stay off it. I could not go a day without scrolling on instagram, tiktok, or texting my friends. I feel like because of the society we live in today it is so hard for many teens to stay off the internet because everything is surrounded by the internet or is on the internet, for example no one really reads the news paper anymore, they use technology to figure out what’s new.

    1. Kamille!
      1. These plans for detail-adding and “not being so straightforward” sound exciting. Looking forward to your changes.
      2. Careful with Block. I’m not quite following your sentence beginning with “He Believes…” How do these ideas in this sentence connect to Internet Addiction? Can you break the ideas in this sentence down and make them clearer. Also, you are right—-in a way, he is “explaining” what he thinks Internet Addiction (IA) is. But his focus is mostly on defining what it IS——not on WHY people might get it (this would be a more “explanatory” or “theoretical” thesis). Great work with Lane and your own self-diagnosis (or lack therof!).
      –Nice work with Lane and reflection on your own ‘addiction’ !

  4. In my essay 1 draft I feel as if I didn’t provide enough detail on the memories I was describing about my friends and l. I also felt that I did not have a good idea of what to say. In my second draft I feel like it is
    very important to write down all the details of moments like those I described about my friends. This will help me to remember them better and make sure that the reader can relate to what I am saying.

    2A:
    The thesis in the article “Issues for DSM—V: Internet Addiction” is a very important one. It shows that there are many problems with internet addiction, and how internet addiction affects people’s lives. The thesis of this paper is to show that internet addiction can affect people in different ways.

    2B:
    Christopher lanes response to his text is that he very much disagrees. He goes in depth about the effects that an internet addiction can lead to. He points out that long term consumption of the internet can lead to a disorder. This is because it causes people to become addicted and not realize that they are doing something wrong.

    2C:
    I do believe that I have an internet I do have an internet addiction. I am addicted to the internet. I use it for everything from social media, to entertainment, and even for my own personal needs such as food. I also use it for work purposes such as email, text messages, and calls. The internet is a very powerful tool in our lives and we should not let it take over our lives.

    1. 1. Good start on your notes for revision, Aldo. I think adding details could be a great idea. Can you say more about specific details you want to add–and why? Also, just a side note: you don’t always have to remember all the details (it’s impossible to remember ALL of them), so feel free to use your “poetic license” and invent some details.

      2A. Can you go into more detail about the content of Block’s thesis—ie, what does he say IA IS? And also can you tell us what KIND of thesis this appears to be?
      2B. Lane does agree but when I read his text I don’t think of him as going into all that much detail on “the effects that an internet addiction can lead to”; so your response interests me. Can you say more about what you mean by that?

      2C. Sometimes I think I am too… 🙂

  5. After reviewing the suggestions from my classmates for my essay, I decided to change a few things. One thing I would change would be the order of my paragraphs. I read it a few more times as if it wasn’t my essay and it made me realize that the order of my paragraphs is a little confusing. If I change the order, the flow would be smoother and it would be more easy to read and understand. I would like to include a paragraph talking more about myself and explain how my friend effected me in a way to be a better person since this essay is an “educational experience”.

    2A: I believe Jerald Blocks thesis in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” is pretty straight forward. He goes right into how internet addiction is a common disorder that merits inclusion in DSM-V. Blocks states “the diagnosis is a compulsive-impulsive spectrum disorder that involves online and / or offline usage and consists of at least three subtypes: excessive gaming, sexual preoccupations, and email/text messaging”. His thesis shows how the internet can effect people who have an internet addiction in a negative way and it is clear to the reader. Jerald Block explains and expands on existing knowledge by adding the three subtypes when it comes to having an internet addiction. By doing so, this makes his thesis theoretical.

    2B: According to Christopher Lanes “Addicted to Addiction”, I believe that he disagrees with Jerald Blocks “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction”. Lanes stated “Yet Block strikes me as completely off-base when he argues that the remedy for this problem is medication”. Lanes listed an article to explain how there is a better way to go by internet addiction such as physical exercise and group activities. Christopher Lanes goes more into detail with more evidence that is reasonable in regards to internet addiction and he believes that “we must recognize and respond to how technology is shaping and sometimes blighting many lives”.

    2C: I wouldn’t necessarily say that I have an internet addiction. I do spend hours on my phone only if I don’t have anything else better to do. I wouldn’t call it an internet addiction being that I could go a while without the internet. I rather spend time with my family or friends and appreciate life than stay on the internet all day. It makes me feel lazy and unproductive if that was all I would do.

    1. Thanks for these notes, Alexandria. It’s a great strategy to read your own work as thought it were someone else’s! Can you tell me a bit more about which particular paragraphs you want to change the order of and why? Your note about the paragraph you want to add sounds good!

      2. Careful with Block. You are right—in a way, he is “explaining” what he thinks Internet Addiction (IA) is. But his focus is mostly on defining what it IS——not on WHY people might get it (this would be a more “explanatory” or “theoretical” thesis). Great work with Lane and your own self-diagnosis (or lack therof!).

      2B-C. Good thoughts on Lane and yourself!

  6. 1)One suggestion I got for my essay is to give more details and explain how challenging junior year was for me. Also to write about how I overcame the challenges I faced that year. I personally think I need to reorganize my paragraphs because I feel like they are all over the place. Towards the end of my second paragraph, I need to write more about my junior year experience and how it affected me. I only talked about how I was stressed but I didn’t state why I was stressed or what were some things that were causing me hard times. In my second paragraph, I am going to add the two paragraphs I wrote about staying up late to finish my assignments, the first one was seen from my perspective and the second was seen from my mom’s perspective. I also might add more to my college experience in my fourth paragraph.

    2a)Jerald Blocks uses an explanatory thesis statement in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction”. He explains how internet addiction is a disorder. He states “the diagnosis is a compulsive-impulsive spectrum disorder that involves online and/or offline computer usage (1, 2) and consists of at least three subtypes: excessive gaming, sexual preoccupations, and e-mail/text messaging (3).”People now do all of these three in their everyday life. Most kids, once they get on the game they can’t get off. And some people go to sleep on the phone with their partner. Can’t lie, I did that too. Jerald did his research and used evidence to prove his point.

    2b)Christopher Lane disagrees with Jerald Block’s thesis statement. He thinks internet addiction is not a disorder. He states “Worse, I’m in denial, insisting I don’t have a problem.” He believes people who have “internet addiction disorder” are completely fine. They don’t have any problems. He says people are just overwhelmed with their work life.

    2c)I don’t have internet addiction because I am aware of the reality and life outside of my phone. Even though I am always on my phone, I take breaks. I make sure I eat and spend time with my friends and family. I go outside and have my “me time” without my phone or any internet.

    1. 1. Fabulous plans, Mehreen–these are detailed and thoughtful notes you’ve prepared.
      2. Careful with Block. You are right—in a way, he is “explaining” what he thinks Internet Addiction (IA) is. But his focus is mostly on defining what it IS——not on WHY people might get it (this would be a more “explanatory” or “theoretical” thesis). Great work with Lane and your own self-diagnosis (or lack therof!).

  7. 1. For my Essay 1 revision, I’m planning to edit in a POV to add another level of relatability/humanity to it, because although my first draft is pretty solid, the POV is a firsthand account of what I felt, and I think if someone were to read my written emotions, that’d be more effective in gaining their empathy instead of them just reading “I felt disconnected”. I should probably add an example of how I felt disconnected, because me just saying so isn’t juicy enough to read and kind of comes off as lazy/bland. And this could be the place to insert a POV, but instead of me meeting Hauss, it could be a POV of me feeling isolated because of my experiences with bullies. That tailoring probably means I’ll have to rearrange the flow of the essay, maybe cut out a few sentences. I’m definitely gonna add a paragraph break before I talk about Champloo and Bebop, and how they helped me get past the feeling of isolation because if I just went on and on with no break in the thought process, I could confuse readers with the sudden shift in topic, and starting a new paragraph with the solution to a dilemma that I presented in the previous paragraph feels better than just writing a solid block of text. I also feel like adding the POV and paragraph break would sort of “complete” my essay, especially since I now feel like the first half is a bit rushed and I went in too quick into explaining the solution without properly fleshing out the problem.

    2A. I’m pretty sure that Block’s thesis is his first sentence: “Internet addiction appears to be a common disorder that merits inclusion in DSM-V”. That’s the argument that drives the rest of the paragraph, where he provides a list and reasons why the list is valid. This sort of “explaining his reasons for argument through logic” leads me to believe that Block’s thesis is definitional, because he builds his argument through cause and effect; wherein reasons x,y, and z support and lead to the argument in the thesis. Another reason why I’m further convinced that this is a definitional thesis is because it closely mirrors the definitional thesis I wrote last year for my AP Lit class: “Malcolm from Shakespeare’s Macbeth and Hamlet from Hamlet are both royals who succeed in their quest for justice, but differ in that Malcolm reclaims his throne as a model of virtuous kingship, while Hamlet reclaims his throne with the reminder of how life is short and must be cherished, as he dies of his wounds shortly after succeeding in his quest for justice”. Both our theses present an argument, while also giving rational explanations on how we arrived at those theses, therefore making them definitional theses.

    2B. I think that Lane agrees and supports Block’s arguments by giving detailed examples and evidence of internet addiction being rampant in areas of the world like South Korea, explaining how kids are addicted to internet cafes, providing ages demographics and hard facts to back up the sort-of vague claims presented by Block.

    2C. Based on these readings, I kind of think that I’m dependent on technology, but I think that’s a norm for people these days, we don’t get to go out much or at all, and tech is a way to connect to the world in these times where we can’t connect like before. I do realize that there is still a world outside screens, but it feels like the need to acknowledge that is given less importance the longer our situation goes on for.

    1. 1. I love these detailed plans, Dominic. Yes, slow things down, tailor the POV, sharpen your paragraphing–all good!
      2A. This is an interesting link you draw between Block’s definitional thesis and your own——in which you make an argument about the KIND of of people you think Malcolm and Hamlet ARE (“royals who succeed…”). Of course, there is probably a bit of a blend of theoretical argument and definitional argument that goes on in such a paper insofar as you will likely argue WHY you think M and H fall into this category——although the really “theoretical” move to make would be to try to explain the forces (social, psychic, etc.) that have led (or “caused”) these two characters to become who they are.
      2B. Careful with Lane. I’m not sure he agrees much with Block. Have another look. Part of what makes Lane’s text tricky is that it is full of irony and sarcasm.

  8. 1. After reading the feedback, I am trying to make some changes to my essay. I talked about the difficulties I faced while applying for CUNY (college application). I mentioned that I was scared but I didn’t mention why I was scared. Now I will add a reason why I was scared. I also would like to add one moment where I’ll explain how I overcame with that difficulties. Other thing I’ll improve is my grammar mistake. I’ll try to reread again and edit where I need. I kept all the suggestions that was given to me and will include that in my essay.
    2.A I believe jerald block thesis in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction” is simple that internet addiction is disorder that has many negative effects. He stated “the diagnosis is a compulsive -impulsive spectrum disorder that involves online and / or offline computer usage and consists of a least three subtypes : excessive gaming, sexual preoccupations and e-mail/ text messaging”. He explains three sub types to describe about internet addiction which shows it is theoretical thesis.
    2.B In Christopher lane’s “Addiction to addiction” text, I think he disagree with Jerald Block text “Issues for DSM-V : Internet Addiction” because he stated “ Before we medicate yet more teenagers and adults, let’s pause and ask whether overuse of the internet really belongs with schizophrenia and paranoia in a manual of mental disorders.”This shows he believes internet addiction is not a disorder. Further, he also stated “ we must recognize and respond to how technology is shaping and sometimes blighting many lives”.
    2.C I don’t have internet addiction. Yes I use my phone most of the time when I need it and when I think I am free or nothing to do. But I believe it’s not called addiction. Addiction is when you can’t stay without something and you want to use that again and again. So, I think I am not internet addicted.

    1. 1. Great plans, Jasleen!
      2. Great responses–especially 2B + 2C. Careful with Block’s thesis; I’d tend to think of it as more of a definitional thesis because he’s not really interested in explaining WHY a person develops internet addiction. He’s more interested in describing what Internet Addiction IS (for him–and obviously people disagree with him about what he thinks IA is, who has it, etc.).

  9. After reviewing the suggestions from my professor for my essay, I decided to change a few things. I didn’t explain my essay very well and the professor told me that the essay was similar to other students. So I will change some information which is smaller to him or her in my essay. I wrote about how difficult I faced when Iwas in high school. Also, I will improve my grammar mistakes. I will add more examples and explain more clearly.

    2a)Jerald Blocks uses an explanatory thesis statement in “Issues for DSM-V: Internet Addiction”. It shows that there are many problems with internet addiction, and how internet addiction affects people’s lives. He believes that the disorder of compulsive-impulsive spectrum consists of excessive gaming, sexual preoccupation, and text messaging. Which all have the following component excessive usage, withdrawal, tolerance, and negative repercussion. I believe this type of thesis is an explanatory thesis, due to the fact that the author gives facts to support his claim.

    2b) Christopher Lane’s reaction to his content is that he especially opposes this idea. He goes inside and out about the impacts that a web fixation can prompt. He brings up that drawn out utilization of the web can prompt a confusion. This is on the grounds that it makes individuals become dependent and not understand that they are accomplishing something incorrectly.

    2c) I have internet addiction. I use my phone all the time without any reason. Without a phone I can’t do anything. For example, when I wake up first I see my phone. I spent most of the time. When I eat I use my phone. When I go to bed I use my phone all the time on social media. I believe it’s called addiction. Addiction is when you can’t stay without something and you want to use that again and again. I am that person who can’t stay 5 minutes without a phone. So, I think I am internet addicted.

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