Using Detailed Storytelling to Persuade
For this assignment, I want you to focus on developing a story for your revised Essay 1 that will SHOW your readers the DETAILS of what is at stake in your topic: racism & police brutality. Telling a detailed story can be one of the most powerful—and powerfully convincing—strategies for convincing a reader to believe in your thesis. So this is what I want you to get practice doing for Friday.
First, for inspiration, I want you to (re-)read the opening sections of Larry Elder’s “Where’s Black Lives Matter When You Need Them?” and James Baldwin’s “A Report from Occupied Territory.”  Both of these texts begin with powerfully detailed stories that show us horrific acts of police brutality which draw us into the topic the writer wants us to think about. However, you will notice that there are some key differences in the way each of these stories is worded and angled. As discussed in today’s Zoom, Elder writes his story in a way that suggests subtly that what Officer Chauvin did to George Floyd wasn’t murder. Meanwhile, Baldwin, in his story, plays up the violence that the black salesman experiences and witness while in police custody—violence which leads to his being partially blinded. I point this out because while both of these stories draw us in to the topic of police brutality, they do so with different purposes in mind: Elder wants to convince us that police brutality towards black people is not as much of an issue as black-on-black violence; on the other hand, Baldwin wants to say that the policing of black neighborhoods like Harlem is tantamount to a military occupation of an otherwise autonomous “territory” or community. Unlike Elder, he is not at all sympathetic to the cops…
Anyway, for this assignment I want you to respond below with two things:
A) A paragraph-long summary of the story Baldwin tells of the salesman’s experience with the police, and
B) A 1-2 paragraph story you will tell in your Essay 1 to try to convince your reader to believe in your own thesis about police brutality in the US. The story you tell can be from your own experience (something that happened to you or someone you are close to), something that you heard about happening to someone you know, a story you saw/heard about online, on social media, in a movie, etc. Please just make sure you make it as detailed as possible. Details to include (not necessarily in this order):
–Who are the key characters involved? What do they look like…sound like…smell like…etc.? (You can make up details as needed, so long as you remain true enough to the spirit of the story.)
–Where are these characters in space? Where do the key events of this story take place? When do the events in this story take place (in history/time)?
–What are they (the main characters) doing? What happens to them? Which key events need to be described in order for the reader to understand what is going on and why it matters?
PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THESE QUESTIONS IN ORDER. INSTEAD, WRITE YOUR STORY AS 1-3 PARAGRAPHS, THEN RE-READ THESE QUESTIONS AND RE-READ/RE-WRITE YOUR STORY, MAKING SURE YOU’VE ADDRESSED ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS SOMEWHERE.
Assignment 2
Part A
In the article A Report From Occupied Territory By James Baldwin , it talks about the events of April 17 1964 in Harlem New York. On that a salesman witnessed the police brutally beating a child and due to him simply asking why he was doing such things the salesman ended up being beaten himself. He lost an eye due to the beatings of the police, due to simply asking the officer a question why, why are you beating that child. His name was Frank Stafford. In the article you see how police called black men dogs and animals when they were the one acting like it by beating up someone because they are black with a paddle they didn’t care if you were 47 and old they would still beat you. On April 17 school children overturned a fruit stand These children were black, and the police chased them and beat them and took out their guns; and Frank Stafford lost his eye in exactly the same way Even after testimony of the store owner saying he never saw the kids in his shop police didn’t wanna drop the charges. If they were white things would have been different so much more different. The police are simply the hired enemies of black people in states with such a large population. “This arrogant autonomy, which is guaranteed the police, not only in New York, by the most powerful forces in American life—otherwise, they would not dare to claim it would indeed be unable to claim it—creates a situation which is as close to anarchy as it already, visibly, is close to martial law.” “No one in Harlem will ever believe that The Harlem Six are guilty—God knows their guilt has certainly not been proved. Harlem knows, though, that they have been abused and possibly destroyed, and Harlem knows why—we have lived with it since our eyes opened on the world.” That being said the article spoke about how police have always been violent towards people of color.
Part B
For many years police have been brutally beating people, over using their power of authority on the people they are supposed to protect. The man’s name was George Floyd and he was murdered by a police officer in Minneapolis, Minnesota on May 25,2020. Allegedly the reason for his arrest on the day he was murdered was due to him trying to use a counterfeit $20 bill. On this day of his arrest Floyd was handcuffed to the ground by officer Derek Chauvin. Officer Chauvin knelt on Floyds neck and had Floyd pleading for his life saying he couldn’t breath for 8 mins and 45 secs. Officer Chauvin said Floyd was not complying and was resisting but evidence shows otherwise, especially as he was pleading for his life as there were witnesses telling the officer he couldn’t breath. The officer still kept his knee on Floyd even after he was unresponsive,the witness even pleaded for his life. If you think closely if it were a white person this wouldn’t happen to them but due to the color of his skin he died in the hands of people who were supposed to protect him. After his death people starting protesting this wasn’t the first black person to die in the hands of the police force people wanted justice for him. People weren’t gonna stop protesting until justice was served until black lives started to matter, people weren’t gonna let this go. The officers in the death of Floyd got convicted for 2nd degrees murder all 4 of them even the 3 who just stood there and did nothing. How can an officer just stand there and not help a man pleading for his life when his duty is to protect and serve. Floyd left behind a family: A daughter and a wife , he was only 46 when he died. His death triggered something in a lot of people. The brutality and racism we see from cops has to stop not just from them but from everyone, we are all one nation together. No one is more superior than anyone because underneath we are all the same, simply bones.
Thanks, Noemie–here’s some thoughts for revising this for a regrade:
–Good work with Baldwin, but I don’t want you to stray too far from his story. You are right to connect it to these other similar stories of police brutality, but I want you to finish detailing Baldwin’s story before connecting it to the other stories you mention. Tell us more about Frank Stafford’s journey from working his beat on the street, into police custody (what does he see and experience there?), into the hospital, out of the hospital, and so on. More details here please!
–I’m moved by your retelling of George Floyd’s story. HOWEVER, I want you to write a story about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (or an experience of a close friend or family member)–something I can’t read about in the news. Now, it doesn’t need to be a story about being injured or killed by the police; it just has to be a story that connects somehow with the topic of police brutality and/or racism.
Sound good?
A)
In “A Report from Occupied Territory,” author James Baldwin portrays the injustice of the violence of the Police against Negroes and how Police treated them. Talks about how a sales representative witnessed the Police physically abusing a child in Harlem for no wrongdoing. The salesman had gone up to the policemen, “So I spoke up and asked them, why are you beating him like that’ Police jump up and start swinging on me.” The sales rep was so severely harmed that he lost an eye because of the beating. After the incident, he became a police target, and Negroes who spoke out against the Police or questioned them were associated as the “bad nigger”. They would create lousy reasons or no reason by any means to punish Negroes and put them in a correctional facility. It is incredibly troubling to realize that a culture could be extremely oppressed in light of their skin color and go about killing innocent men, women, and children. In sum, Baldwin has persuaded how Blacks have been forced to defend their righteous lives and how corrupt the policing system was on racial discrimination. It is up to the people of this country to gain control of the true meaning of freedom and prove to the nation that Black Lives Do Matter.
B)
The biggest issue that is emerging in America today with police offices is police brutality, and African Americans are more affected by police brutality than any other race because of the fundamental bigotry and criminalization of non-white individuals. It is a big problem, and it appears law enforcement officers are abusing their power. There have been numerous noteworthy incidents in our present society surrounding police brutality, one in the particular event that stands out was a 17 years old Yunek Moore. On June 4, 2013, she graduated high school as Senior Class President, ranking 11th place in her entire class. That night her families and friends gathered to celebrate her graduation. They were having a bonfire in the backyard, and suddenly a bright light shone in her eyes, making her blind as she put her hand up to shield her eyes and politely asked them to stop pointing it at her. The person ignored her request and asked for her ID. However, Moore was still confused about what’s happening because the officer failed to answer who she was.
Instead, Moore was pulled out of her chair and saw three police officers: two men and one female. They twisted her arm and dragged her along the front yard and slammed her up against a brick wall. Moore told them they were hurting her, and the male officer responded, “Shut the hell up!” She was being shoved into the car while handcuffed and was taken to the Peoria County Jail. The Officers not once mentioned why Moore was being arrested for and was taken to the Peoria County Jail. The next following day, they released her, saying the officers entered the property out of concern for the safety of those at the party.
To conclude, the only danger anyone encountered that evening was at the hands of the three police officers for no wrongdoing. Moore was injured by the repeated beat that left her a torn labrum, a damaged wrist that required her to get three surgeries, steroid injections, and physical therapy for several years. The consequence of this is the pressure and absence of trust inside the police and black communities throughout America. A change must happen for the racist policing system, and we should stop trying to fix people, but retaliating against the system that supports racism is a start.
Thank’s Mumin. Here’s some thoughts for revising this for a re-grade:
–Good work with Baldwin. Can you go into more detail about what Frank Stafford sees and experiences while in police custody?
–I’m moved by your summary of Baldwin’s story and also your story of Yunek Moore.
HOWEVER, I want you to write a story about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (or an experience of a close friend or family member)–something I can’t read about in the news. Now, it doesn’t need to be a story about being injured or killed by the police; it just has to be a story that connects somehow with the topic of police brutality and/or racism.
Sound good?
a)In “a report from occupied” by James Baldwin tells the salesman experience with the police his name is Frank Stafford and he was beaten by police for simply asking a question because the police were beating up a kid. When Frank asked the police why are you beating him like that the policemen jumped up and started swinging on him. Also pulling out a gun on Frank ,they then took Frank along with 4 others, much younger than the salesman to the police station. Then about 35 came into the room beating them hitting them in the jaw chest hit them with a padded club spat on them called them the n word. Also beating an elderly man the way police we’re treating this group of men kids elderly is just sickening the elderly mans name is Fecundo Acion Puerto Rican 47 years old . He got beaten as well for asking why were the policemen beating the kids. The salesman got beaten so badly when he arrived to the hospital he stayed there for 14 days his eye was so bad that it had to get removed. This experience the salesman the kids and elderly man is something they won’t ever forget the police is something you should look to for help instead most fear them as you can see why .
B)Police brutality is a big thing in America some police think they can do what they want whenever they want without facing consequences. Police like to abuse people or they like to racially profile people of color they treat them a different way some cops treat people of color differently than they do others they look at them like if they’re all bad or have bad habits. You can see back then and now the experiences people had with the police getting racially profiled for their skin color people getting shot beating. Im not saying its all cops but there’s also a lot of cops who like to think their above the law and they think they can do anything. I think its wrong for cops even thinking like that or having that mind set .
I read this story online of a man named Lionel Morris African American 39 years old who was murdered in police custody he, this happened in Arkansas on Feb 4 at 4:25 pm the supermarket reported that two men had removed a drone from its packaging. When officers arrived on the scene, Morris ran away, prompting a chase around the food store—until he was tased multiple times and punched at least twice. I can understand that tased Lionel but punching hims is unjustifiable in the body cam footage it shows 4 white police officers 2 females 2 males the police use excessive force on him .Even after saying he was in deress yelling about his heart stating he can’t breathe during the encounter that lasted more then 6 minutes . The police told him “If you can talk, you can breathe. Chill out,” one Conway police officer responded. “We got an ambulance.” Minutes later, Morris was “pulseless and unresponsive.” He was pronounced dead while being transported to a local hospital. That is just so sickening these cops do not deserve to have A badge and deserve to go to jail
Thank you, Sosa. A couple thoughts for revising this for a higher grade:
–I’m noticing that there are a good number of sentences that are missing periods. For instance: “Police brutality is a big thing in America some poilice think they can do what they want”——this is two sentences, really. You could write this like this:
Police brutality is a big thing in America. Some poilice think they can do what they want.
OR
like this: Police brutality is a big thing in America; some poilice think they can do what they want.
–Watch out for this throughout your whole post. Try to make shorter sentences using periods.
–I’m moved by your summary of Baldwin’s story and also your story of Lionel Morris.
HOWEVER, I want you to write a story about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (or an experience of a close friend or family member)–something I can’t read about in the news. Now, it doesn’t need to be a story about being injured or killed by the police; it just has to be a story that connects somehow with the topic of police brutality and/or racism.
Sound good?