Life itself is so thoroughly engulfed with trials and tribulations that can be extremely difficult to overcome. I feel that at times everyone acts as if participating in the college experience in order to better their academic education will automatically provide them with happiness. Many people seek refuge in their respective religions to bring them peace, and having the knowledge of having a greater power somehow allows them to know that they are not alone. But at times, life seems to throw many curve-balls and can cause us to doubt every single thing that we once were so sure that we believed. This semester has truly been a difficult one for me, it felt as if life had literally taken a hold of me and drowned me into the darkest pit of sadness that you can ever imagine.
I have always been an extrovert and an introvert all at once…sometimes I would socialize and other times I just felt it to be tedious to even maintain a meaningless conversation. But the college experience as well as the struggles in my personal life have completely changed me into someone that I hardly recognize anymore. I want to be better…a better version of myself. One who is truly happy…one who still finds the silver lining in negative situations despite the horrific storms that life has thrown my way. Being a former homeschooler for my entire academic life, I was, unfortunately, the victim of the harsh criticisms and stereotypes that were typically thought about homeschoolers. This only led me to be more reserved and to stay more to myself. As I slowly near the end of my senior year, I feel that I have become more of an introvert as I no longer talk as much. It is as if I have forgotten all the proper social cues or maybe I never truly learned them. I have faced such loss this year and I do not know how to recover. No one prepares you for the fact that attending college does not protect you from the realities of this world. it cannot shield you from the struggles that you will face. There will be times albeit any given time in your life when you want to give up when life begins to take a toll. And that is completely normal, for life itself can be extremely unfair and was never promised to be perfect.
The holidays make this pain even greater as it is a time that is supposed to be spent in this cheerful spirit with friends and family. Still, there may be other difficulties, perhaps there is someone who passed away and will not be with you for the holidays or you have endured so many tribulations that you simply aren’t cheerful. The truth is, we are never alone…whether you believe in a higher power or not. There are so many lives that are surrounding us every single day…people who truly love us regardless of whether they say it or not. Love is not just a feeling; it is an infinite action that is emoted infinitely. Love has no limitations; it is the truest thing on earth when evoked unconditionally. Love is portrayed in acts of kindness and showing the care you have for that particular being albeit a person, pet, hobby, etc. Most importantly, love is selfless which means it is doing what is best not for yourself but for them because in setting them happy makes you happy. Love is often doubted but it is always there even when it goes completely unnoticed. Love is innocent and pure; it cannot fully be described in words for if it was it would have helped to avoid some of the struggles that our nation has faced. Unfortunately, love cannot be taught or learned, love just is. And when you are truly loved then you are never alone.
Comment below on some tough experiences that you have personally faced that have made you feel alone.
Last week I took a huge step in posting my story and I must say that it felt quite liberating. I had spent so much of my time hiding from who I was and all the struggles that I went through that I never took the time to realize that all the pain made me who I am. Each hurdle that I adjusted to and overcame mad me into a stronger, kinder, and patient person I am today. I know many of us see every obstacle as just that but sometimes we all need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Not every day will be filled with frustration. So take your time and realize that theres always a rainbow at the end of every storm no matter how long that storm may seem. So as promised here is the second part to my story: A Trial Subscription to Life. If you missed the first part click the link below to read it. #YouAreNotAlone
Diary of A Former Nomad: My Story, Part 1
It was warm and sunny day the skies were bluer, the air was crisp and was laced with the scent of salt. The sun seemed brighter– actually all the colors did. An island in the lower region of the Caribbean Sea is where I’d call home for the next two months or so I’d presume. My aunt and I went to live with another one of my mother’s sisters. My aunt was escaping a cold husband and I was being sent away from parents who told me otherwise.
I remember very clearly the day I found out the vacation I was told I was going on was a lie. School was starting and I kept wondering when I would be going back home. I was about five or six years old. The day will forever be imprinted on me. I received a uniform and books and was told I would be going to school. No one ever told me I wouldn’t be going home. And to this day no one has ever told me the truth behind this event. It would be years later that I’d figured out the truth that my parent’s separation was the reason I was uprooted. Everyone adjusted to the harsh way of life and no one said a word.
After this, the days blurred together–everything blurred together. Days became weeks and weeks became months and before I knew it, a few years had passed. The memories I had of my parents faded. And the person I once was grew colder yet more optimistic daily. I saw my aunts’ husband abuse her with words and knives and left her running for her life. I saw myself dwindle in size and character.
I felt unwelcomed and unwanted. I felt a deep pain within like I was a burden to these people. I had been dropped on their doorstep with a ‘help me’ sign attached. I felt guilt for eating too much, I felt stupid in school because I didn’t know much, and I felt trapped everywhere I went. There was no one on my side. I was bullied for doing the right or wrong. Even in school I was an outcast. I was the poor little beggar girl; I never had money to buy anything. Being maybe 7 and seeing everyone with candy and not having any is literally like being a kid in a candy store and being told that you couldn’t have any. Occasionally asking to try one got me labeled as the beggar. And suddenly I became the outcast. I played by myself. I had few friends but they too never wanted to be seen with me. My cousin who was the only person I knew there would leave me as soon as we got to the gates. I was left behind and left out. Through it all, I somehow never let that powerful sadness consume me, I tried every day. I tried and tried. I ran from bullies, both friend and foe. I tried to remember my life before. I tried to remember my parents, how they felt, how they smelled, even how they talked but it had been too long and I had been gone too long.
The years had passed and the vibrant island became washed out and smaller than ever. I was drifting and in the midst of it I felt change in the air and soon enough I was on a plane back to a distant home to start over yet again. Another subscription had expired and it cost me my childhood. I was cold and hurt and lost. I was betrayed and corrupted. But misery loves company and more of this was to come.
Stay tuned for Parts 3 & 4 of my story: A Trial Subscription to Life.
With the National Day of Healing just one day away (Thursday, November 15th at 12:30am) I would like to encourage everyone to continue utilizing the resources on campus. Some may or may not know that City Tech has a Counseling Office. Although election season is over, it is apparent that many are still shaken up from it.
City Tech is made to be a safe haven to all students and #PeaceatTech will continue to be spread. We want everyone to know that #YouAreNotAlone. When you may feel like things are not going your way or people aren’t hearing you out or maybe you’re just going through some personal issues, remember that City Tech is your sanctuary. There are plenty of resources here to help you succeed and flourish.
Remember to come out tomorrow from 11:30am to 12:30pm for the “National Day of Healing Event” at Borough Hall. ALL students are encouraged to attend. Brooklyn Borough President, Eric Adams will be present along with Chika Oneyjiukwa, the Chairperson of the University Student Senate.