Influences in our life early or late can change the fundamentals of who we are or will become as a person, as well as shaping our view of the world. This may determine the impact we have on the world and those around us. All this may steam from a single, even insignificant feeling moment. However it may have major implications on that person and in result the world.

My major disposition on reading is not good to say the least. I tend to only read in cases of necessity. I would even go out of my way to avoid it with few exceptions. It’s not to say i hate  reading and writing. I quite enjoy writing(meaning typing) at times and some book bounded literature I do like, just not the reading part. Preferring audiobooks in explanation of the text. This all seems to have seam back to when I was first being taught to read by my father. He was an avid reader himself you see and wanted to teach me how to read. However my fathers patients leave much to be desired. If he becomes frustrated he has a tendency to take the hand over fist approach. That being if you make the same mistake consistently he would yell or knock you on the head. To him I’m sore. It makes sense to teach through pain you will learn to avoid those mistakes that lead to pain but I associate it with whenever I read I feel pain so I don’t like it. This led to me hiding and avoiding reading at all cost. In addition it took me longer to get over bad reading habits because I was less focused on the reading and more focused on evativon. Of course I know now it won’t hurt me but the lingering feeling of embarrassment is there to the point where I would even avoid reading out loud through any means necessary even under thought of punitive measures from teachers or superiors.

However, even my writing habits stem from my childhood. Which now looking back on it was my most influential time in my life as it still holds some of the fundemal memories for who I am. Such as how i was treated by my pears and that being not very well. It’s no secret the children are “assholes” for a lack of a better word. Not to make a huge sobe story about it but when I socially bombed with them I associated them with a negative connotation. More to the point my vocabulary was changed but my world had even become more cynical, ulatering how I would write about most content portraying those around me.

Speaking of cynical at around this time I was being medicated for ADHD(aka Attention, Deficit, Hyperactive, Disorder). This medication was so prevalent in my young life that it and it’s side effects were basically apparat of my personality. “Ridlen” the medication I was on was so potent it caused things like mood swings, aggressive thoughts, anticalc behavior and more. This caused me to be more aggressive toward my peers making my borderline psychotic toward them. My mental state was a mess and was an emotional wreck but there was one thing that helped, science. Science hit that sweet spot of knowledge and power. It was one of the few thing i would read and write about at length even going as far as to mimic the language and terms shaping who I am and how I write to this day.