Richard Rice
Pitch Review
In the pitch from Janet Whitten, there was not much of what I believe needed to be improved in her writing piece. But I did realize two points. First was specifically from the first paragraph. A couple of sentences throughout the beginning of that paragraph seemed slightly confusing, you do not have to lose them rather just re-word them. Other than that the only other actual critique I have is on the typos throughout the essay, just be sure to watch out for those typos it will keep your writing piece tight, and probably more understandable in certain areas.
As for the good aspects of your writing piece I liked your ideas a lot. I can see that there can be a lot of room for potential research in your subject. I think it comes together well in your introductory paragraph also. The thesis can work together very well with each idea that you have in your body paragraphs. I also think even though it is not always directly connected to your thesis each idea was very well worded. Going forward in your writing piece I think research of the memorial can help you get more words in.
