Project #3(pitch)

We all go about our lives trying to get to where we need to be. For most people that live in the big city they want the fastest way to their destination. Rather they take a crowded train that causes frustration or dealing with road rage when it comes to heavy traffic, it seems as though people don’t care about how their journey to their destination is. Instead of being surrounded by busy streets filled with honking cars, getting shoved by commuters and listening to all the rowdiness that goes on in the city, why don’t you enjoy a journey elsewhere. What if I told you to take the time out of your busy day to relax just by walking in a change in the environment. By taking a route that eliminates rambunctious noises, you’ll be rewarded with a more tranquil atmosphere.

 

On one of our sample routes, we found a stroll that is pleasant and has a big pay off in seeing the city in a more serene setting. This sample route was taken during the season of autumn and around the time of 2:30pm. The trees in each location had their leaves in warm colors such as yellow red and orange which will provide you with a cozy feeling as you try our route.  You’ll first start off by exiting the Namm building of Citytech through the general floor. When you are outside turn left and make your way to the corner of Jay Street. Once you see Mclaughlin Park make another left and keep on going until you hit Cadman Plaza East. As you venture your way there you will notice that you are moving away from the commotion from the construction site. On Cadman Plaza East to your right you will enter through Cadman Plaza Park. When strolling your way through the park enjoy the calm aura of people having lunch on the benches, the mass amounts of trees that engulf you and the sounds of birds chirping. When you see an open field, in front of it there is a circular flower bed filled with vibrant red yellow and orange flowers. Go around the flower bed and exit the park so you can be on Clark Street and Cadman Plaza West.

 

Clark Street is part of the residential area known as Brooklyn Heights. As you are walking through Clark street at first you will pass by some sushi restaurants, cafes and lounges. The area has a low noise level so you can have a peaceful meal at one of these establishments. Through Clark Street you will also pass by apartments with gorgeous lobbies, smooth arches on the windows and houses with fine detail on the gates and stairways. Another sighting you will see if you look up in the northeast direction is The Freedom Tower. Once you see Willows Street make a right and continue your way through the calm environment of the neighborhood. The whole Brooklyn Heights area not only provides people with housing but there is a lot of trees and plants around that gives an inviting feeling into the area itself. The neighborhood itself doesn’t have much activity so you can enjoy the sights of these living accommodations while strolling your way through. When you see Cranberry Street make a left and walk down to where you hit Columbia Heights.

 

You will make a left turn and enter through Brooklyn Heights Promenade. This is a nice place to relax yourself whether it be after a long walk or to unwind from a busy day of work. Remember seeing The Freedom Tower earlier? Well as you continue walking downwards, you will reach the destination on our route which is a marvelous sighting of The Freedom Tower along with the whole tip of Manhattan. You will see the prosperous,active city while sitting on a bench relaxing to the sounds of the waves from the East River that separates Manhattan and Brooklyn. From this location you will get to see other landmarks such as the Brooklyn Bridge, Governors Island and The Statue of Liberty. There are many pier ports that are filled with activities such as handball, ice skating, basketball and rock climbing.This location is great to visit throughout all the seasons and is beautiful in both times of night and day. While there is lively activity it doesn’t affect the serene atmosphere from where you are currently at.         

 

While many apps provide people the quickest way to get to places how about one that offers people a long journey to endure. There’s people that enjoy strolls and like to embrace each moment they experience in it. Coming later this year, there’s an app called “Serene Crossing” that will guide you to an adventure that will fill your heart with content. This app will provide you with plenty of peaceful destinations as well as find the most leisurely route for you. It is just all up to you to make that choice to take in the calm energy around a lovely stroll.       

 

11 thoughts on “Project #3(pitch)”

  1. I’m so glad you found these locations–they are some great places for relaxing near City Tech! I can see how the areas you chose for your detour are tranquil. In your discussion of each location, you should highlight what makes it tranquil. That might require you to write about each in further detail, and therefore separating them into more paragraphs. Having a more detailed thesis statement that establishes the area where your detour is and perhaps the kind of places your route includes (parks, quiet neighborhood streets, and benches near the water, if you think that these are worth mentioning) can help you see the organization of your persuasive argument.

    One other addition you’ll want to make–how do you get to a mode of transport at the end of the route?

    1. To offer feedback as part of our peer review session:

      I can tell that your route’s focus is tranquility, but the thesis statement, “By taking a route that eliminates rambunctious noises, you’ll be rewarded with a more tranquil atmosphere,” could be revised to give more of a sense of where to find that tranquility. You might mention that this route takes users to parks and through a quiet neighborhood to avoid the noisier areas one would usually walk through to get from City Tech to the train.

  2. I really liked reading your intro. By reading the intro of this draft it showed what your idea is going to be and what you’re going to mostly talk about. Overall I like where you’re going with it, because I as well don’t like the noisy and busy streets either.

  3. Your introduction clearly defines your theme as getting away from the hustle and bustle of the city with the intent of having a more relaxing commute, and your thesis statement seems to reinforce this idea by giving the proposition that a “more tranquil atmosphere” will be the result of having taken your route.

  4. The theme of our route is made clear in our very first paragraph, “tranquil and/or quiet”. Your thesis statement only bolsters this idea by presenting the thought that a more relaxed feeling is the end result of your route.

  5. I like your intro too. However, I think that you mentioned too much things which it should be included in your other paragraph. Move it to the next paragraph and combine with the rest, “One of the example route” So, that you don’t need to start with the example. Let the reader know what you are trying to do and than, add in example. I don’t think you have a thesis statement. When I read the intro, it says that I should take a different route, “What if I told you to take the time out of your busy day to relax just by walking in a change in the environment.” I would just do what you told me to do; it seems like I do not need to read other paragraph to to understand. It have no connection to lead me to read the next paragraph. (If, you don’t understand, tell me 🙂 )

      1. Oh, but I thought that we have to mention the app in the whole project. Since that is also our focus on your project, how you are introducing the route where you want to “Persuade people to download this app you made, which it includes your walk” read the project #3 schedule. (Mentioned in the first paragraph)

  6. Your thesis in the introduction talks about getting away from your daily noisy route and taking a different route to a more tranquil atmosphere. From reading just that, I can tell what the theme of your writing is going to be about.

  7. I loved the way you started your pitch because it sort of has a hook to it and made me continue reading. I can clearly see that your theme revolves around tranquility/peacefulness but I believe your intro can still use some fixing up. Your thesis doesn’t really leave an impression on me and can be developed more. The sentence “What if I told you to take the time out of your busy day to relax just by walking in a change in the environment.” doesn’t really make sense to me. I feel “Take the time out of your busy day to relax by walking through a change in the environment” sounds more persuasive and not as confusing when reading it. And as professor Rosen and others mentioned, your thesis can have a little more added on. But you have ALOT of ideas you can talk about and play around with so i believe you chose wonderful places and a magnificent theme.

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