Beauty, the quality of being physically attractive is something that the user who downloads this app will encounter. My co-workers and I, Ayano Morishima are making an route simulator known as “Route & Beauty” (Or Road to Beauty) that takes the user to a journey that can lead them to a beautiful location. Many people uses other apps to locate their shortest and fastest route, so that they could get to their location much faster. What if there is a app that can take you to the location, where the route is short, fast, and beautiful?
Many apps from the apple store contains route simulator that pinpoints to the users location and calculate time to show them different option in best or shortest route to get there quickly. However, is it time that the users want to save up to get to their destination? Sure, people want to get there quickly and do whatever they needed to do. But what if there is an app that can change the users surrounding views? Think about it, looking at the same route over and over is boring. The user might already know whats built there, even if they are blind! Our app focuses on people’s daily route and time, however what is different is users can use this app to encounter a new places just by taking a different route. Simple right? By changing just a little routine of users route to the final destination, and even if it takes just an extra few minutes, sure the surroundings of the users view will changes; maybe dull to beauty.
One of the ongoing project route starts from the Voorhees building. This building is a center for engineering technology for students who does to NYC College of Technology. Once you left the building to make a right, you will see a big road. If you turn right again, you would encounter an entrance of Brooklyn Bridge. Brooklyn Bridges connects the two boroughs, Manhattan and Brooklyn crossing over the East River. As you go further straight, you will see a huge park called, Cadman Plaza Park. A huge park where you can play any sports. Walk to right and left again, where you will encounter location called, Brooklyn Heights Promenade. As you go in though this location, and keep walking straight, you will see a Brooklyn Bridge Park Pier 2. Place where it features in basketball, handball, etc. Finally you go back to turn around from where you are looking at the pier. Go straight and you will see the same park again, go further more where you turned right to encounter the Brooklyn Bridge. Without turning right to the bridge, than go straight. You will see NYC College of Technology, as you keep going you will see a whole different scenery than before. More busy and modern structure to each buildings. Finally, you can take a subway, A,C, and R train.
These exampled location is a place where the users will encounter in the app. Such as the caption below will pop up to explain a little information that the user could do, when they arrive at certain locations. Many volunteers contributed to this route making, so that it shows the best time to go to the location, where it also shows the “best time” to go to the location at the top right corner. An example for the location above is, “the best time to go to the location” is between 2:30pm to 5:30pm. One of the volunteer commented, “It is a great place to go, especially since it is quite. You can see how houses are made of different structure comparing it to different locations. Going with friends or family would be a great way to explore a new route!” Thanks to our volunteers, this app does contain other features, such as little game that satisfies the users time traveling, voice active system where you use it like Siri, time countdown where it countdowns time to get to the location, and
Seeing different surroundings would motivate users to look though into new location, where they haven’t discovered yet. By using this app Road to Beauty, not only they gives the best option in shortest route, but to think about the user’s preference in showing beauty for getting to their location. Many people looks for quick way to get to the destination that they are seeking. However what if there is a route that is short and beautiful enough to make you use this app again? Why won’t you not give it a try?
9 thoughts on “Project #3 (Pitch/Draft)”
I can see right away that this route focuses on beauty. But where I expect to find the thesis statement, I find a question, “What if there is a app that can take you to the location, where the route is short, fast, and beautiful?” Revising this into a claim can switch it into a draft of the thesis statement.
You might want to think if there is a specific type of beauty you’re focused on, or if you want to call attention to the particular location, to make your thesis statement more specific. In your third paragraph, you write about the route, but don’t identify what’s beautiful. Be sure to make that clear for your app users!
Thank you, for the comment. I will work on the thesis statement. I never thought about specific type of beauty, now I can pick one to focus on. When I read your comment of the other post, I thought that I had to include this in my draft, now I know that you wanted me to put that in the other post. Or maybe I can arrange that inform of beauty.
Your theme was pretty easy to find since it was in the first sentence of the first paragraph. But I don’t seem to find the thesis as easily as I found the theme. I have a feeling the last sentence in the first paragraph is your thesis but at the same time it doesn’t feel that way.
Thanks, for the comment! What you told me and the professor’s mentioning of changing the question to a claim inform of statement.
Your intro to the draft tells me what your theme is about and that’s beauty but I don’t see a thesis statement. Also I noticed that the font size for the intro is different then the rest of the draft.
Thanks Efy! You have good eyes with font size, I even can’t tell the difference :/
I can see your theme is beauty, you mentioned many times in your intro paragraph, I like the way how you said it. As professor said, your thesis statement can be the switch of this:” What if there is a app that can take you to the location, where the route is short, fast, and beautiful?”, it will be a really good thesis statement for you to use.
The theme of your route is clearly that of beauty from reading your first paragraph. I feel like you can combine some parts, or rather the underlying ideas of your second paragraph with your first paragraph in order to help clarify or craft your thesis statement.
So, I should combine first and second paragraph?