Nuha Abdulla, revised poems

My unstoppable sins

I’m so hurt, so numb. 

My heart is torturing itself without any awareness.

I have lost the empathy of my heart. 

My soul is full of the flame of a volcano. I worry that one day I won’t be able to say goodbye.

My broken bones have broken as a cup of glass.

I’m the star but without her moon  

I’m getting weak day by day.

Expressions are like stabbing a knife in my heart

I’ve lost the sunlight in my soul.

My sins aren’t my sin but are the beats of my heart.

My tears are the tears of thunderstorms.

“Death will find you even if ye hide in fortresses, built up strong and high” Quran. 

I have been trapped in the sadness of my heart.

One day my heart will explode with nothing but the emptiness of nothing. I touch my pain and scars with my pen.

My senseless feelings are like a death in a graveyard.

     Rainy Day  

Born in the country, moved to the city

 young, pure, and innocent

I lived with all summer 

not even a rainy day.

I always wished for rain 

 I wanted to feel the cold 

Rainy days were long to come

 sometimes it took years to rain.

The first time

playing with rain 

 a dream come true 

Good days don’t last long, 

as they said .

I moved to another part of the world 

The first time, feeling cold and sick.

I left my family and friends to start a new life 

But nothing lasts long.

Years have passed 

the coldness grew inside

It grew more prominent

Every year I wanted

to go back home  

 Be me and nothing but me

I hated cold rain 

It was reminder 

Of loneliness and sadness.

But Raindrops were my tears

 that I dreamed for years.

Pretend

I can’t  pretend everything between 

you and I are perfect

I am so sick, tired, of this fake life.

It’s hurtful and painful

Of you going her

I can’t do anything about it

So damage that everything 

with you and her is true but me  

it’s a fake game to you.

I am so hurt,  lost; soo lost that 

I would give you everything 

to be with me, even if not honest.

I am very desperate for your fake love.

As long I have you coming to me 

at night beside me with me, 

even if it means to hear all hurtful

 The Comments you describe me 

I need you to need me.        

I Don’t Hate 

I don’t hate anybody 

Even the friends 

who let me down 

I love them but I can’t 

accept the thought of them 

hurting me again.