Prof. Jessica Penner | D304 | Spring 2022

Christopher Mizhquiri Short Story 2 revised with dialogue

Once upon a time, there was a young child called Matthew. He was a normal child, with a brother and a sister. Ever since he was little, he had a dream,a passion, and a vision that he would become a singer, a songwriter. His goal was to perform in the biggest of stages, to make people content and happy with his music. His mother asked him, “What would you like to pursue in life.?” He responded with, “Music, i want to be a singer, its my passion and i will pursue this to the best of my ability.” Note that he was only 12 at the time, and his mindset for his age was astounding. His love and passion for music in general drove him to his limits. His first taste of music was in high school, as he had Band, which his personal instrument was the drums. He told his teacher about his passion, “ One day I’ll be a singer, and I’ll use the the drums to create a tempo and beat.” And his teacher responded with, “if you ever need me, I’ll always be here for you.” And he kept his word untill the very end. After Matthew graduated college, he began performing his songs in local clubs, gaining local attention and fame, as thanks to social media, his songs and catchy flow and beats slowly started to spread across America, and as his songs started to get national attention he became a music icon. Respected and loved by the general public for his inspiring and music that seemed like it was meant for them. He didn’t forget his old high school band teacher as he met up with him and said, “I won’t forget you, now let’s make history together,” the old man just looked up and est is history.


  1. Tomas Biterski

    Could really feel the passion Matthew has for music
    The dialogue was interesting, to say the least
    I suggest writing more to add the depth to the story
    The dialogue would be helpful in the end of the story to help it more

  2. Aide Jimenez

    It’s a nice story, could use more dialogue. It was obvious to see the passion of Matthew. The story could use more emotional. Overall it’s a nice story.

  3. Allen Shen

    1. To be honest, almost nothing. It felt like the story was just a regurgitated, conflict-less series of events.
    2. The dialogue is more expressive than the prose.
    3. Instead of having a character just “respond,” give characters more expressive responses.
    4. Story is too short and does not place characters in the same setting to add more dialogue.

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