Life during the lockdown in 2020 was like a rollercoaster to me. I had my low moments, my high moments, and my spirals. But at the end of the ride, I look back and realize how although it was a wild ride, it was worth it. As I sit in my room and look at myself in the mirror after crying for hours and hours after my breakup, I started to look at my figure and question myself. Although my breakup had absolutely nothing to do with how I look, I couldn’t help but examine myself and feel like complete shit. It sucks sharing a room with your little brother while going through such a rough time mentally. We had a somewhat small room with a bunk bed which I slept on the bottom and he slept on the top. He would play his video games during that time in our room since we had our tv and game system there but when he noticed how down I was he took it upon himself to not bother me and let me have time to myself. My mom as well was the same. She would walk into the room and notice how sad I was but she still chose to ask “Mija, estas bien?” or “Necesitar algo?”. I look at her and just shake my head, “No ma i’m good”. I knew I wasn’t healthy at that moment, and I knew that because of how overweight I was, my health concerns were going to get worse than it was. I look and sort of laugh at myself. Not only was I dissatisfied with my figure, but my hair was also falling out and it was extremely damaged from me trying to fix and cover the fact that I was losing hair. I wasn’t taking the right nutrients to maintain a good diet which also played part in my hair loss. As I stare and laugh in disappointment, I start to question myself again. How can I change this? I decided to sleep the sadness away. The next morning seemed like a replay of the day before. Being stuck in the house for God knows how much longer was slowly driving me insane. I was stuck with my own thoughts and no distractions at the worst moment in my life. As I wake up, I do the regular routine which was for the past couple of weeks since lockdown, eat, cry and sleep. My breakup was tough on me during this time not only because it was my longest relationship but also because it hurt me knowing my partner wasn’t mentally doing well. Although I wasn’t doing mentally well either, the fact that I knew we couldn’t contact each other for the better just drained me. Crying for hours also takes a toll on you when you’re unhealthy. I had moments throughout the day where it was hard to breathe. Everything was too much for me to handle. I needed some type of distraction. After again examining myself in the mirror, I thought well since I’m stuck in this house for who knows how long, why not get a fresh start and change something. I immediately ran to the bathroom and took a big blue pair of scissors and chopped my hair off. I cried while watching the strands of damaged dead curls fall to the ground. I kept on cutting away and until I was at the last strand of hair, I let out this sigh of relief. Relief. Something I haven’t felt in a while. This was the start of something new. Although to you it might not seem like a big change, to me this was the beginning of change. I felt so good with this newness. I look at myself again in the mirror and wonder, should I start working out? I mean, I’m in horrible shape and if I don’t take care of my diet soon, it’s not looking to well for me. I thought since I already cut my hair and was ready to take care of it again, why not take care of my body as well? I pick up my phone and facetime my cousin who I am very close with, and I tell her about this work out journey that I now am sure I want to start. Thankfully, she as well wanted to do the same and so we spent the whole night talking about different workouts that can target different body parts and will help each of us with what we need to work on. Despite the excitement to get started, we thought how would we do this journey together if we can’t see each other? I mean who knew how long this lockdown was going to last, we just started it. She figured since schools and work jobs were going virtual, why not do the same with working out? I thought it was funny at first, but it was truly the only way we would be able to start this journey together, and so we did. The next day I put on my old pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt and grab my water bottle and head to my room. I facetimed her at around 8 and with excitement she asked if I was ready. I nod and we quickly talk about what workout we’ll do for the week and how we’ll go about them. We had a whole routine set up for the month having each week increase how many reps we did for our sets. I set my phone besides my bureau on the floor so she can see me, and she sets her phone as well so I can see her. We start our workout together at the same time and guide each other through it. At the end of it I felt so tired and worn out but so happy. Happiness was something I wasn’t feeling for a while and for once after this workout, I felt proud of myself. This routine continued for the month of April right in the corner of my bedroom. We both switched up our diet as well. At the end of the month, I lost 25 lbs. I was in complete shock when I saw the number on the scale drop that much. This routine went on for another month and again I dropped another 25lbs at the end. My hair was starting to grow back healthier, I was taking the right nutrients and taking care of my health and my mental was getting so much better since the beginning of the lockdown. I felt like a new me. A new and improved one. I remember looking at myself once again one night in the same mirror and just breaking down. Not tears of sadness but tears of joy because I saw how with thought and effort, I made a complete 360 with myself, and it felt freaking amazing. After the lockdown was lifted, I got back into my relationship since the long break and thankfully he was doing better mentally as well. We both figured our stuff out and are now 3 years strong. Although I gained a little bit of weight back throughout the relationship after we got back together, I am currently in doing the same workout routine and starting a different diet to lose that weight and reach my goal weight for the summer. Thankfully, because of the original weight loss, it helped my body become more stronger and created almost a limit to the amount of food I can eat which is great because I know now how to maintain my weight. So the next step is to give in my all to reach my goal weight. Overall, 2020 was a moment of significant change for me. A change for the better.