For Thu: Read and re-read the final exam article handed out in class.  Look up any words you don’t know.  Brainstorm things you might write in response to the article: questions about it, critiques of it, ideas and experiences you’ve had on topics relevant to it.  At Thursday’s exam, you will be allowed to bring in the article and notes on it (but no full sentences of prose).  You will then be given the essay prompts to choose from.
For Friday: Email me your revised Essay 1 and Essay 2–as well as Essay 3 (extra credit) if you’ve done one.  ALSO, for your final blog assignment, post to the blog (under this post) a list of 3 things you revised in each essay (meaning 2 lists of three things you revised—one list for Essay 1, one list for Essay 2).  Your lists can be in note form (not necessarily complete sentences) but should be very specific and clear as to the feedback (from me and classmates, etc.) that you have used and the significant changes you’ve made to each essay.


  1. Essay 1:

    – worked on grammar and making sentences flow better

    – changed the intro

    – added more details about my experience in high school


    Essay 2:

    – added a personal experience with social media

    – changed the intro and body paragraphs to make sentences flower smoother

    – added details to intro to make more interesting

  2. For essay 1 I mentioned what my topic was, I added more details on how I knew my teacher was getting tired of helping me and Overall I inputted more details about what was going on. 
    For essay 2 I added more to my conclusion, I put indentations, and I included Personal experiences about playing video games.

  3. essay 1

    -In the introduction I added the definition of an article we read in class and then I explained my own definition of addiction. 

    -I change the format of the work cited page to MLA 
    -I cited my evidence. 
    -I add some details that my classmates told me.
    Essay #2
    -I Added more about my new educational experience. 
    – I Added the country where I’m from. 
    – fix some Grammatical errors and puntation.


  4. Essay 1

    -Changed heading 
    -Punctuation mistakes
    -changed my wording of certain things
    -Corrected my misspelled words
    -capitalized my “I”
    -established who was speaking

    Essay 2
    -used a personal experience
    -clearly explained quotes 

  5. Essay 1 Revision
    – Grammatical mistakes
    – Added Names Instead of Saying “Him” or “Her”
    – Tried To Make My Conclusion Less “Undone’ By Adding How I Didn’t Give Up
    Essay 2 Revision 
    – Work Cited Pages ( Alphabetized the Authors )
    – Wrote The Article Name When Stating The Article
    – Added Personal Experiences –
    – fixed Grammatical Errors

  6. Essay 1 Revision:

    -I added the type of math I struggled with in high school.

    -Repetition of “I” and “She” was changed to names.

    -I out the I’s in capital letter.

    – I put the third paragraph as my second paragraph and the 2nd one as my 3rd one. Because I was jumping from present to past. It was confusing.

    – I expanded on details about how my 9th grade did not put effort into teaching.

    -Included where I had my remedial class.

    Essay 2 Revision:

    -I told a personal story about finding a job on social media.

    -I took out the paragraph that was talking about watching movie and how it helps with our memory instead I put another paragraph there about how you do not have to wait for your tv to show you the news. On social media you can instantly find the news about what is happening around the world.

    -I cited my work MLA format

    -Fixed grammatical errors

  7. For Essay 1:

    – fix my paragraph sequence; I have to change where I placed certain things so it doesn’t get too confusing

    – Fix contradictory paragraphs ( paragraphs 1 and 2).

    – Explain the “words” I’m referring  to when Im speaking to my mom in the story


    Essay 2:

    – Add a personal story about me or someone I know to show the correlation

    – Separate paragraph 2 into multiple paragraphs while also finding a focus for each paragraph; do one with the definition of “video games” and the purpose and another one with the definition of “violence”

    – Connect to the passage from Zizeks’s article on sexbots

    – Add a work cited page

  8. Essay 1

    – Included more details

    -Included names and more action

    – changed introduction

    -fixed up some sentences

    Essay 2

    -Added quote to counterclaim, added another source

    – Put works cited in MLA format

    -Added more details

    -Changed introduction

  9. For Essay 1 :

    –  Added similes.

    – Added dialogue.

    – Re-organized conclusion.

    For Essay 2:

    – Added an additional paragraph

    – Gave personal experience

    –  Added examples

    – Re-organized reference page.


  10. Essay #1

    Explain more about my grandmother when I mention her.

    – Add sentences about my country

    -Add more details and explained paragraphs.


    Essay #2

    – Add MLA format

    – Include my position regarding the topic
    – Connect to the passage from Zizek’s article on sex-bots.
    – Show citations references and add clear sentences.

    – Fix tangled words that make no sense, confusing.

    – Make my evidence stronger.

  11. Essay 1

    – Removed pointless expedition on the backstory of Chester.

    – Explained the cause behind his passing.

    – Added to Etika being a Twitch streamer,

    Essay 2

    – Created an entire counter argument paragraph

    – Added interesting points that would still prove Vic’s innocence.

    – Improved the balance of both sides of the argument.

  12. ESSAY 1

    – moved the last paragraph to the first paragraph.

    – delete one paragraph and replace one with one more paragraph ( 4th graph)

    –  improve with grammar

    essay 2

    – improve with grammar

    – include a story about cyberbullying of someone I know

    –  connect to Zala’s article on selfies.

  13. Essay 1

    – changed structure and added paragraph or 2

    – gave details on my experience on why I made  certain choices

    Essay 2

    – changed structure based on comments I viewed on blog

    – separated idea in paragraph so there won’t a paragraph with the same ideas

  14. Essay one

    – I gave more details in my experiences such as how I dressed to improve myself

    – I fixed my paragraphs

    Essay two

    – I gave my insight how I felt about social media

    – I broke down my long quotes and para phrased


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