English 1101 Fall 2019 Section 342
Composition 1
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I like how you spoke about the problems of social media like cyber bullying and predators.i also like how you spoke about social media helping people make friends but at the same time it introduced cyber threats. I like how you introduced opposing claims and spoke about how social media needs to be a more positive platform
There was a lot of information about the negatives of social media which makes me think that you are against it. I think it would help that you have your position on the topic at the start of the essay. Some of your quotes were long, you should find a way to paraphrase it to make a point. The last sentence of the conclusion is repetitive.
I like how you added so many detailed facts about the negatives of using social media. I just think that you should shorten the length of your quotes and explain them better. Some points we’re repeated many times throughout your essay. But add good counterclaim.
Your claim about social media being detrimental to self esteem was strong and you included a lot of evidence to support your thesis. I feel like the conclusion can be improved by making it longer, restating previous ideas in the essay, and summarizing them.
Your essay has good evidence although I think you forgot to put yourself in a position whether or not you agree with what is happening and with what you have shown. I liked how you explained the negative effects in detail but I also think you could put on yourself or if you have lived one of those effects that now occur very constantly in our lives with social media. Well written and good contexts with key points, but for the next one make sure not to use repetitive phrases or words. Overall it good.
I like how you started your essay your thesis was very clear. you do have a few grammatical mistakes but, Overall it’s good and very detailed I like your counterclaim as well I do think you could expand a little bit more in your conclusion. And one suggestion is to include a personal story/experience.
I liked the main point in your essay as well as the fact that you had a clear thesis; However,I think you can shorten the quotes that you used, maybe paraphrase what they said in the article. I also think it’d be a good idea to mention where you get your statistics from and when talking about the cons in your counterclaim, I think you should make the connection visible and have a clear rebuttal. Overall, good essay.
I believe that you quoted a lot , you more then one quote from one text which isn’t bad but they are long quotes so maybe you should use one. A connection to personal experience or someone else you know experience would make this even better but you had lots of details that gave me a different insight of social media. Include where you got you statistics and further expand you counterclaim
Your thesis was clear to understand, also I really liked that you give a statistic about how many people experienced cyberbullying. You had really good evidence to prove your side, but your evidence is really long. I think you should paraphrase the quote, and add your own life experience with cyberbullying or someone you know about. overall I enjoyed reading your essay.
I like that you spoke about the problems of social media with predators and cyber bulling. Also your thesis was clear and you had few grammatical mistakes. The only thing is shortening the length of your quotes.