12 thoughts on “Feedback for Fatima”

  1. I liked how you mentioned that a negative part about social media is cyber bullying. In the essay there was some grammar mistakes that can be changed. It was not clear what position you take on social media. You mentioned the benefits and the negatives but you never included your own position on it. However in the conclusion you ended with the way social media makes people feel bad for not being light skinned and skinny and you also said “Overall social media is responsible for the increasing suicide of teens.” With that being the end of your essay I think your position is that social media does not really help people.

  2. You have a clear thesis statement and you made many strong points which you explained very well and convinces readers that social media has many more disadvantages than advantages. I like your counterclaim as well. One suggestion I do have is for you to include a little more about why you feel social media doesn’t help people do you have a personal experience to mention whether cyberbullying occurred to you or a friend if so that’s something you should mention for you to support your thesis.

  3. I like how you began your essay by speaking about how people usually look at the benefits from socia media but they ignore the negatives. I like how you spoke about people getting bullied through social media. You mentioned a person named Gabriella.  It would’ve been nice if you used a citation from the text you got the information from, about Gabriella. I like how you spoke about people’s comments on social media making an opening for bullies.  I also like that you spoke about self esteem and people being conscious about their weight.

  4. I enjoyed how in your introduction, you were trying to make the reader see the negative side of social media. You began by discussing how many people view it as a benefit, then changed it to negative. I also enjoyed how you gave a real-life example of someone who was a victim of cyberbullying. However, in your first body paragraph, it would have been better if you started it off with some sort of interesting claim then get to your point. Also. there was no direct quote in your first body paragraph. But other than that, just be careful with grammar.

  5. I really enjoyed reading your essay because it focused on the negative aspects of social media. You had a few grammatical errors, and your sentences could be worded differently. I liked how you brought up two specific negative aspect of social media; cyber bullying and body image. I think that instead of just introducing cyberbully in your introduction you can also introduce body image. This will help not confuse the reader because it seemed out of nowhere that you brought up that point. Overall, I really enjoyed your essay.

  6. I think your essay opened my eyes to cyber bullying because I knew it was happening but I never knew that it got that bad. I like that you included a counterclaim about how social media can benefit people rather than promote suicides but you’re also able to show the bad sides. The grammar can be improved and you can add more points about the negative effects of social media.

  7. I like how you spoke about people getting bullied through social media. I think your essay is well organized, it has good evidence although I think you should explain a little more about your own experiences regarding what you talked about, specifically the consequences that you can probably acquire through social networks. When you finish writing an essay, be sure to read it again to see if there are any mistakes you missed. also I like how you began your essay by speaking about how people usually look at the benefits from social media but they ignore the negatives.

  8. your essay was really good, you had really Clear points and your thesis was clear. Your essay remains of one time my sister got cyberbullying and got her into depression because of that. She didn’t use social media because of that for a long time. in internet there are really bad people and it have negativities. something you could do is add a personal experience or from someone you know.

  9. I liked that you brought up the topic about body image, I feel like it’s something that isn’t mentioned a lot. I also liked how you talked about people that are getting bullied on social media, because there’s a lot of people who take the own lives cause the bullying became too much, it’s something the media should focus more on and try to prevent. However, there were a few grammatical errors, but, overall good essay.

  10. I Really enjoyed your essay a lot but some questions you may ask yourself is, What are the many things social media can do to harm us? Have you every experienced and viewed cyber bulling ? How did you feel about it?  May maybe you can connect to something you viewed in life.

  11. You had a good thesis and made many strong points supporting your claim. You did a good job of explaining both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. For example people getting bullied on social media or people using social media as a platform to promote their business.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.