15 thoughts on “Feedback for Jamela”

  1. I enjoyed reading your essay. Your thesis was very clear and you used good quotes to support your claim. I like how you used the definition of modern language in your introduction as well. One thing you could have added is an example or story/experience that supports your claim and maybe this could be added at the start of your introduction as your hook to catch the reader’s attention.

  2. I liked the start of the essay and the question about what modern language is. I like the counterclaim paragraph because you showed the views on what the other position would think. In the conclusion I like how you explain how you think modern language is evolving.

  3. I really liked your essay. I think the topic you chose was interesting because it is something that has a place in the difference between the new and older generations. I also liked your counterclaim and the quote you used, I believe it provided strong support for the argument.

  4. A meme is an image with a picture or writing that’s meant to be funny and relatable. Memes are made though a reference. That reference can be from your own culture, society, emotions, etc. With that, it’s spread throughout social media and gets reposted/retweeted. Memes can be a form of advertisement. For example, I remember reading that air pods were not as popular until memes of the item was created. The surprising part of this was that Apple was the one who started the memes. This gave them the opportunity to advertise their product. It’s a smart way to advertise the product because social media is a huge way to get to people.
    In Drake’s video,”Hotline Bling”, all the different scenes are simple. It opens with a hotline office with women who are all dressed the same. In other scenes, you can see Drake dancing with a background that changes colors. Drake’s dancing stood out to me the most. It seemed like the purpose of the plain white background was for Drake’s dancing to be the center of the video. Drake wanted his dancing to be noticed. Caramica, explains, “No celebrity understands the mechanism of Internet obsession better than Drake.” Drake knows that by doing these things he will be noticed and possibly become a meme. This is Drake advertising himself and his music.

  5. First off, your introduction grabbed my attention  and your thesis was straight to the point and clear and you were able to back up your points with solid evidence. I also enjoyed how your essay had a overall good flow to it and you used all the transition words correctly. You also were also able to clearly state the counter claim. However, an improvement that could have been made is adding some sort of story or example to prove your claim, so we could have also seen it from a different perspective. Overall, your essay was very well done.

  6. Your essay was good but you could have included more outside information such as your experience with social media and language. I like how you Included  the Oxford dictionary definition. Maybe you can include your meaning of modern language and how your modern language evolved.

  7. The topic of your essay is a very interesting topic, it attracts the attention of the reader. In the world that we now live, the way of writing has been changing more and more with new vocabularies and different forms of expression, since that new modernity may also be affecting our sense of communication correctly. I liked your essay because you showed valid evidence that supports your thesis, although there was also perfect showing some argument about what you have lived with respect to your comments. There is clearly a negative side to the new language modernity because I myself have lived writing an informal essay in which I failed one semester. for being accustomed to the way of writing in social networks. One thing you could have added is an example or story experience that supports your claim overall is good.

  8. I liked your essay and I liked you chose to write about modern language. it was nice that you give definition of modern day language . You did really good at giving your own life experience, and your counterclaim was clear.

  9. I believe this essay raised a very powerful point in today’s language usage, and how it is influencing other’s in the devolving of the modern language. I believe it’s because people are so used to the over simplifications of text online, that it begins to affect them in real life, thus degrading their language.

  10. I like how you first introduced the topic and then you gave us a definition of language before stating your claim. I like how you used the definition you gave us to help introduce your opinion. I like how you used quotations from different articles to help support your argument

  11. Your essay was well written and I can see both arguments. The claim gets a little confusing toward the end of the essay where you talk about how texting can cause social isolation and I thought that was kind of off topic since the essay is about how texting ruins modern language. I like and agree with your conclusion since it’s true that language is modernizing with us

  12. In your essay, I loved how you pointed out both arguments allowing us to see both points of view of the argument. but I feel like you could have added more to your counterclaim like how we use aberration for note-taking. I also like straight to the point your essay was.

  13. Your essay was constructed well and you could clearly see both sides of the argument. I thought you chose a good topic because modern language is constantly changing. However I thought you could have added more details on a counterclaim and modern language

  14. I really like your essay. I liked your thesis, its  very strong and brings up a good point. I liked how you gave us a definition on modern language.  Something I suggest is to add a personal experience. For example, in your second to last paragraph you talk about texting harming our vocabulary, have you ever used abbreviations and have they affected your vocabulary? Overall, I really liked your essay.

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