16 thoughts on “FEEDBACK for Katelyn”

  1. Your intro was attention grabbing. Setting up a scenario for the reader to imagine themselves in is good idea. your claim was also clear, and your essay is organized very well. One piece of evidence I would suggest for you is to state where you are getting information from when you use quotations.

  2. Your introduction was very interesting and immediately grabbed my attention. Your thesis statement was made very clear and it was strong. You stated some good arguments and it was convincing and you were able to back up your points well. However, an improvement that could have been made is you should have cited your sources in the essay. Overall, it was a great essay.

  3. I like the way you started your essay giving the audience an image in their head while reading. I like and agree with your thesis your argument was very clear. I do think you should include your own experience with how social media lowered your self esteem or the people around you. Besides that good job.

  4. I think your essay was very well put together. I could see that through your sentences where your stance on the topic was. It was nice how you included the quotes fluently in your sentences creating a sense of naturality. My main suggestion would be to include who the quote was from somewhere in around the sentence although what you did with showing numbers to direct to your source page was nice.

  5. I liked the introduction it was a good and it would get the reader to get hooked into the essay.  I liked the details you included into the essay everything is supported with evidence. The conclusion was also good it was a strong ending point that wasn’t too long or too short. Something to include into the essay is to say who’s the author and what is the article they wrote.

  6. I like how you are specific in your essay, it is very clear and relevant because you have key points and explain how others think about it, but I think you should also add how you think this would change your way of thinking. Your presentation was very interesting and immediately caught my attention, your thesis statement made it very clear and was strong, although perhaps you forgot to declare the specific parts of the author.

  7. I like the description that you added to the beginning of your essay it gives us a metal image of what you’re describing .I also liked the details that you added to your essay it really hooked in the readers to continue reading.Your essay is also very relatable.Something you can work on is citing your sources.

  8. the beginning of your essay was amazing it something everyone can relate to. Your Essay was very detailed and it had much information from your personal thoughts but there was not so much information from the article. I like how you gave three different examples when explaining the quotes. I think you can include your own personal experience with social media and does it compare to anything that you stated, maybe include how it effects you.

  9. I really liked the way you started your way, as well as how well written your essay was. You added good details, just keep in mind to add who and what article you sourced from. Your thesis was clear and concise, which is great and the personal elements you had. Overall its a good essay.

  10. your essay was very powerful it made me think of social media in a different way. I really liked your conclusion where it says ” the way we view social media needs to change by realizing that nobody has a perfect life or body” your essay has a lot of details and really good evidence. I also liked how you explain your essay it seem like you were very passionate about this topic. something you could add is put the tittle of the article and the name of who wrote it.

  11. your essay writing style was well developed, and when give recent news which everyone knows about that bring reader attention. And when you give other side reason, after you backup with your reason. You should put the more about where you got the evidence.

  12. I enjoy the amount of detail that is placed within this piece of writing, and the style of writing was very formal. I think the detail that you expressed further helps the reader understand the narrative of the essay.

  13.  
    I like how your essay had a smooth flow it didn’t seem like you we’re putting random thought on a paper. I like how you started off by giving us a visual of someone scrolling down there newsfeed before giving is your claim.i like how you used different text to support your argument .

  14. I really liked how you started your essay, it’s very entertaining. Your essay had a lot of details and supporting evidence.  I think your claim was clear. I also like how smooth your essay was. For example when you stated a source, it went well with what you were talking about.

  15. Katelyn I really enjoyed reading your essay. Your introduction and thesis grabbed my attention immediately! Your sources we’re clearly stated with good evidence to back up your claim. Probably you can add your personal experience to make things interesting.

  16. I thought your introduction was really good and grabbed the attention of the reader. Also the amount of detail you put to show what was going on. I found it relatable as well. The only thing is citing your sources

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