14 thoughts on “Feedback for Alla (Essay 1)”

  1. I liked your essay and the fact that you stoped caring about what other people think about you and how you learned from that experience. However I Think you essay could of had more details. For example when you mentioned how you stood up for yourself, what did you do? Another thing is when you wrote how you were bullied for being different, what made you seem different?

  2. your essay was good but you can improve on you punctuation but you can add more details about what went down when you finally stuck up for yourself?Did you tell your parents about the situation, if so how did they react? Think about in high school and when you first  began, did anyone try to talk to you first, how did you make new friendships if you was more to yourself ? why do you think you was bullied? I like that your essay was about growth, how do you relate this to everyday and as you get older?

  3. I liked your essay because it shows how educational experience changed you and help you to be mature. also I liked the details that you put like where it says how was you feeling in middle school. and your essay was very clear. Something you could add is add more details where you said ” many people would constantly bully me for being different and not having anything in common with them.” you could add like how was you different, what did you like and what others didn’t like.

  4. I liked your essay, I felt as though you added some emotion but you could’ve added more. I liked how you also added a bit of dialogue. I wish you explain more about what happened when you stuck up for yourself and how you did it, as well as elaborate on why or how you were different from your peers in middle school. However, I really enjoyed reading your essay.

  5. I really enjoyed reading your essay.I really liked when you stand up for your self. And you stop caring about what other people said to about you. You could put some details like how people judged after you stick up for yourself. Overall it was good education experience.

  6. I really liked your essay. I liked how you add dialogue and details. You’ve made your point clear. I think you can add how you came to realize your bully was also “weak, lonely, and depressed.”

  7. I liked how you also added a bit of dialogue.  You  could add like how was you different, what did you like and what others didn’t like.   Overall it was good education experience.



  8. I liked your essay and the way you used details to tell your story, especially the part where you stood up yourself I think it was good how you added dialouge.

  9. Your essay was a really good read and I liked how strong you were in standing up for yourself. Your use of dialogue helped me visualize things better but I think you can include more experiences and go more into depth.

  10. Your essay was personally relatable to me, I actually wrote about a similar experience. So in a way I felt what you felt and I really liked reading it. It was interesting to read and I like how you made this a learning experience instead and you learned to brush off the irrelevant comments, defending yourself. Something that could have been better was you could have went more in depth in some parts. For example, what exactly did you say when you stood up for yourself?

  11. I’d say that this is an interesting and brave take on a point in your life. I am glad that you added detail about this experience in your life, because it helps me to understand what you had to go through. Sometimes you just have to be brave enough to stand up for yourself, and I have nothing but respect for that.

  12. I liked how much detail you put into your essay it helps those who are reading to visualize what you are saying. I feel that you could have expanded in some parts of essay.

  13. I like how you add a lot of details about how you felt insecure about yourself and how you didn’t like when other’s judges you based upon your personality. I think that you could  add details about how you stood up for yourself like what did you do? To feel better about yourself.

  14. You showed good character growth how you stopped caring about what other people thought and how you grew from your experience. Also you gave good details on how you felt about yourself and the impact other peoples thoughts had on you. Overall it was nice to read and I’m glad you were able to bounce back and grow from that difficult experience

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.