13 thoughts on “Feeback for Alla (Essay 2)”

  1. I like the message your story is sending, and I also like that i see character growth throughout your essay. I do have some questions like how did getting bullied make you feel? How did you overcome it last? How did you know that the girl who was bullying you was weak and depressed? Your paragraphs are a little too long and the beginning of your essay kind of seems like it belongs in the end.

  2. Your essay is very good, it has good reasons and evidence, clear explanations regarding your topic. I liked how you showed different perspectives on social media. The only thing I think is that you have to work a little on the word order when interpreting your differences of opinion.

  3. Your essay seems to be structured well, your thesis was clear where everyone can know what side you were arguing for. I liked the details you used in your essay to support your thoughts. You had strong evidence that backed up your opinion. Something I think could use a little more work is the counterclaim, you gave a reason why others might think different but you didn’t really support it and you went right back to talking about how social media affects society.

  4. Your essay has good structure and your thesis was easy to find, you had god details to back up your thesis too. But I think that you should have added more details to support the counter-claim. I also enjoyed the topic of your essay.

  5. There were places punctuation needed to be added but to make this more engaging I think you can add how can or cannot relate to your argument and how did your phone change you life. if your addicted to social media you should maybe explain why. I think in the counter claim you should include a quote that either argue or disagree with the side and give examples on why is wrong or right depending on the quote you choose. I think you should also have more information from other sources because I believe you should have at least three sources to cite from.

  6. Your essay have a good structure and it is very organize. Your evidence support your thesis very well. Also I liked your essay because is a very interesting topic.

  7. your thesis was clear and it’s easy do understand what your thesis. you also give your reasons and evidence to supported your thesis. well I think you  could have done better on your counterclaim by giving evidence. overall your essay was well structure.

  8. I liked the character growth throughout your essay and I found it relatable because I was bullied a lot in my childhood too. Something you can improve on is wording and including more details

  9. Your thesis statement was strong but I feel that you could have added more evidence that was stronger to back up your statements.

  10. I like how you add your own perspective about how you feel about social media. I also like how you had a very strong thesis statement on your first paragraph. I wish that you can add more strong evidence to back up your thesis and add a counter claim .

  11. Your essay had good structure and you have good details to support your claim. The only issues were a few grammar mistakes.

  12. You’re essay was very captivating. You made your claim clear throughout your paragraphs. I also really like your opening sentence to every paragraph, it gives the reader a glimpse of what the paragraph is going to be about. For example, in your second paragraph you state, “In our society social media is part of many people’s daily routine and causes people to obsess over looking successful instead of actually being successful.” You further explain that with evidence, which gives your essay structure. I would recommend to check for grammar mistakes.

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