“Why do you have to be such a disappointment, why can’t you be more like your brother?”
These are the words my mom said to me when I was trying to seek help by acting out, all I wanted was the comfort of my parents. We were sitting at the kitchen table waiting for my dad to get home so we could all eat, my mom told me that once he got home I was going to be the one to explain to him what had happened in school. Once I heard the door bell ring I knew that everything was going to get much worse, hearing my stairs creek as my dad got closer and closer seemed never ending I felt like at any moment I would wake up from this nightmare but I didn’t. My dad said hi to me and I greeted him back like normal or so I thought as soon as that hi came out of my mouth his face changed and he asked me what was wrong. Suddenly it was like words didn’t exist I knew that if i tried to talk I would start to cry, I stood quiet and looked down. My dad turned to my mom and asks what the hell is going on, my mom told him that I had something very important to say to him that had something to do with school. I knew nothing would be the same once I told him the truth about how I got suspended and then expelled.
One thing I will never forget is how my dad couldn’t look or talk to me for a week it was worse than any punishment. I struggled a lot with my mental health and this was just the beginning. I pushed myself to do better even if it left me at zero, I couldn’t stand to be seen as the disappointment of my family no one believed in me and I had to change that. Everything got better for a while I was doing good I graduated middle school with above average grades but I was stuck with the same mentality like nothing I did or was going to do would ever surpass my brother. High school made me push myself to my limit no one ever let me just be me I was always held in comparison to my brother. He made everything seem so easy I hated him for being the golden child hated him for being so smart without even trying. I started doing exactly what he did I joined the soccer team and chose his number I joined lacrosse and again chose his number. It got to a point where I wasn’t my own person anymore my brother saw that I was struggling he didnt know the reason though.
The person I hated saved me from myself and made me realize that everyone struggles no one is perfect and we only see what people let us see. I realized that my mom said those things out of pure frustration and anger she always wanted the best for me. She came here to give us a chance at an education she couldn’t have and she hated to see me take it as a joke. I no longer hold any resentment toward my mom and brother.
I like how you moved past your resentment because its hard to forgive someone for something, but to realize why she said that is very nice.