I hope some more feedback for you on your Essay 2 rolls in; it’s the end of the semester, so I assume many students are quite busy. However, it would be good if they read this given the thought you’ve put into it.
A couple ideas:
–what about putting the questions in their own paragraph after your second paragraph? You comment at the end of that paragraph on the hi-hat sound that reminds you of a “flashback.” You could stop there and observe that this sound leads to certain questions about the meanings suggested by certain weird sounds in the song–and the song in general. Then you could pose your questions
–after you pose your questions, you can propose your own hypotheses that respond to some of them. After reading this draft, I think you’re focusing on three ways of understanding Brown’s use of the term “union”: the union between past and present that a person might try to build (or break) as they “grow,” the union a man and a woman might try to build, the “union” of the USA, threatened as it is by police violence. In your next draft you could propose and explore not only these hypotheses but also how they are related to each other.
–building off the last point, can you add a paragraph—or several paragraphs—that explore the connections between the difficulties of “being a man” in a relationship (on one hand) and being a man in a society racked by police violence. It strikes me that difficulties with authority are involved in both of these “fraught” unions. I encourage you to go into your own experience here as well as Namwali Serpell’s text that we read titled “Triptych.”
All my best,