Jeicot Suarez Essay 2 Feedback

Jeicot, hi.

Glad to have read and workshopped your draft last week on Zoom with several other Zoomers–but sorry you couldn’t attend.  I hope everything is ok with you and your family.

Regarding the essay, I agree with Brittny’s positive feedback on your description of the sounds in the song—although I also think it’s crucial to introduce close readings of the song’s lyrics as well.  Here were a few ideas we discussed for adding to and changing your draft during the workshop:

–After we listened to “Boys Don’t Cry” together, we talked about how, based on the song’s title, many of us were expecting the song to be a different genre—R&B, for instance, came to a couple people’s minds—other than rock (or, perhaps more accurately, post-punk).  We thought that you could perhaps begin the essay with a discussion of how many listeners might expect a very different song based on its title—and, more broadly, how to words in the title connect to the ideas about masculinity that you are discussing in the paper.  You might also address the question of irony in this song—words not meaning what they seem to mean.

–You might also consider writing about the genre of music that this is and how it connects people pursuing a specific lifestyle—e.g., punks, skaters, etc.  What is it about music that often helps people band together in groups/lifestyles?

–I had the thought that because “masculinity” is such a central idea in this paper, you should make a paragraph that discusses what it means—for you, and in the context of the song.

–Again, I’d suggest moving your questions so that they go toward the end of your introductory paragraphs and open up the essay’s transition into your close readings of your texts and the song’s lyrics/sounds.

–Introduce the title and author of the article on the Gillette ad.  Also, given that you’re writing about gender here, you could connect this text to Andrea Chu’s text that we read way back at the beginning of the semester.

Be in touch with any questions.  I know this is a lot.


6 thoughts on “Jeicot Suarez Essay 2 Feedback”

  1. Hi Jeicot,
    I hope all is well. Thank you for sharing your first draft of essay 2. I enjoyed your descriptive words by describing the song of choice as an attractive melody accompanied by a beautiful up-tempo tone along with some melodramatic lyrics. This was in your introduction and instantly captivated and intrigued me to read more. I liked how you strayed away from describing the lyrics and described sort of the feel of the song. The comparison of the song and the article you chose with the Gillette ad was very interesting. I liked how you used an ad as a reference to describe the toxic masculinity you are describing. My only suggestion would add citation for the Gillette article and maybe ad the link towards the end on the reference page. Just like Tessayah’s essay you chose to write your questions towards the middle of the essay. I’m not entirely sure if that’s conventional but I like how in this particular essay the questions are introduced in the middle. You’re giving me a background and a strong introduction then you lead us readers into some serious questions in regards to your social issues of your song.
    I’m looking forward to reading your final draft. Bye 

  2. Hey Jeicot,

    Thank you for sharing with us your Essay 2. I really enjoyed how you introduce your essay with what you thought the meaning of the title was when you first came across it. There are numerous times where a song’s title could either be what you originally thought it was, or it could take a whole other turn in developing a new, unique idea. For instance, when I first came across the title of “Boys Don’t Cry” by The Cure during our workshop last week, I was one of the ones in the group that thought it would be a R&B song due to the title and the name of the group. However, when I first heard the song, it caught me off guard due to the fact that I was not expecting those individuals to express their feelings in a hard rock type of manner. So, it made me reevaluate how music can be used to express one’s feelings no matter the kind of genre; it’s just up to the individual(s) and the audience they’re catering their message to. Maybe, this is one thing you can address in your revision of Essay 2. I also liked how you made the connection of the tempo with the song and incorporated it with the lyrics that were written.

    One thing I would suggest is to address the irony of the name of the song’s title and the name of the group. Why is “Boys Don’t Cry” by The Cure an ironic relationship within each other? Did the members of the group intentionally name themselves, The Cure, to address certain social issues that they feel they can address and fix with the message of the lyrics to their own songs? I would also suggest, like others stated already, to just properly name the author and other relevant information of the article you chose to relate your topic of male stereotypes. I would further suggest to tie into your essay your personal experience of how male stereotypes have personally affected you growing up until now. I feel as if it could drive your message more as to why these male stereotypes should be of the past.

    Besides that, I really liked the topic you chose and look forward to seeing how you revise your suggestions for Essay 2. I hope everything is well with you and your family.

  3. Hi Jeicot!

    Great start on your Essay 2! I was initially confused at first by which song you were referring to in the first paragraph. I would think including a title and/or opening up your essay by introducing the song and artist would ease readers into your thoughts on the lyrics. Like everyone else’s essay, I was curious enough to listen to your song choice, and you happened to describe the song exactly how it sounds (and led me down a Punk Rock music spiral). It’s upbeat rock tempo mismatches with the dispiriting lyrics surrounding heartbreak. As dreary as it was, I couldn’t stop feeling “happy” listening to the song because it was so easy to detach the music from the words. Once examining the lyrics on Genius, I found myself asking the same questions as you did because why do men fear crying or feel like they have to hide their vulnerability from the world? When did it become a sign of weakness or a lack of masculinity to be true about your emotions? Going into depth on how the song’s ability to show society’s idea of a “true man” with its simple lyrics and external articles such as the Gillette Ad tie together would continue this conversation further.

    Take care, and good luck with your final draft!

  4. Hello Jeicot,

    Good draft! Masculinity is a very touchy subject these days, but it’s definitely something that must be discussed. I commend you for confronting it head on and sharing your stance on it. That’s very courageous of you. Your essay makes reference to an article that discusses toxic masculinity in an effort to justify issue expressed in your song. It definitely relates to the song in that sense, but the relation must be clearer than just the topic discussed. In addition to sharing your ideas about the contents of the article, you should tie it back to the song and show how it illustrates the problem of boys not showing feeling. Or, tie the song to it by showing the truth in the issues mentioned in the song. Essentially, there needs to be a clearer connection between it and the song. Speaking of which, I think you should quote the song more. Without direct references to, or quotes from the song, your essay ends up being a discussion of masculinity as a topic and no longer an analysis of the song. You must always refer to your reference point: the song.

    Be safe!

  5. This song is different.this a hard essay to critique because some of the inferences you came put with I thought the opposite.the song lacks substance, yes it talk about masculinity but briefly. Personally I would choose a different song. The connection between your article and social issue is thin. Make some connection with the song and article reading this essay made me feel like both of these were isolated when they should be together to elevate your essay,

  6. Hey Jeicot

    Thank you for sharing your educational experiences with us. I hope everything is going well for you. I really enjoyed how you introduced your essay with what you thought the meaning of the title was when it was first released. One thing that I would suggest is to write a little bit more about the irony of the song’s title. Write a bit more about why is that title given ”Boys Don’t Cry”? can you include more social issues that you have found in the video? overall it was a really nice essay to read hopefully, it will turn out great if you fix what I have told you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.