This is a good first draft. Please download the file above /\/\/\/\ with my comments on it. A few things:
–There are a couple good conflicts and/or points of tension in the essay that I think you could try to develop a bit more in the next draft by adding more passages and details that show the reader what’s at stake. You could focus on 1 of these conflicts/themes throughout the essay:
1) your impressions of a teacher and how this affects your learning—and also how your impression of a teacher changes over time (and why)
2) why it was so hard for you to write the essay—harder, it seems, than studying for tests; you could try to show us some of the different factors involved that led you not to want to write…
–Make up a name for the teacher to refer to her by something more specific than “her” (or use her real name if you want).
–I’ve highlighted several “comma splices.” Please Google this and try to learn from the web what a “comma splice” is and how to fix them. If you need my help, let me know.