I want to echo a number of things others have said about your essay: nice strategy of starting with a question, bravo on writing honestly (for a college class) about how frustrating college can be, watch out for run-on sentences and other grammatical issues. (You can Google “run-on sentences” and if you can’t find help that way, then e-mail me and we can chat about this sort of thing if you’d like.)
With all the above said, I do have one big picture recommendation: we need to tell a specific story about a specific sequence of events: specific actions and interactions had by you and other particular people.. This is a huge part of this assignment—the task of writing about something specific—er, several specific things—that you did or that happened to you or people you know. In your current draft, I’m not seeing much of this happening, so my suggestion would be to start a new Word doc next to your current draft, re-read your draft, and as you do, begin thinking of and writing (in your new Word doc) about specific events that show us your transition into college and difficulties therein: a class, an assignment, CUNY bureaucracy, etc. Whatever it is, I just want to see you showing us key details and key actions that help us imagine your plight! Right now I can sort of do that, but not really.
Thanks–looking forward to the next one. As always, e-mail me if you’d like more feedback/clarity.