peer review narrative essay

  • hebah kharoufeh
  • Peer review:
  1. Opener: yes, she included an opener. She also includes a quote in the second paragraph.

“I never had a brother or a sister but I did not want one.  I would think that if my parents had another child I would lose their attention.  I did not need siblings because in my head I already I had one, my cousin.  We grow up so close that anyone would we think we are sibling and that is how we treated each other.  It seem that the more we grow older the more we grow apart.”

 “ “Perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.” Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game. “

  1. Thesis & three subtopics: yes, her essay includes those.

“Losing a friendship/brotherly bond with my cousin hurt mentally and emotionally, but in the long run it help me learn about myself.” 

  1. Three subtopic paragraphs: no, she only had paragraphs discussing two of her three subtopics.
  2. Transitional terms: none.
  3. Grammar: she probably has some errors, it is not yet finalized.
  4. Conclusion: she has not yet added a conclusion.