Writing for the Public

Pressure – ROUGH DRAFT

This word can we used in any context or media, but it’s an important word to some extent. In my life there’s a lot of “pressure” being a human. For example, I could be lounging on my bed doing absolutely nothing, but I will be pressured to do something I don’t want to do in that moment. I know this doesn’t make sense right now, but trust me it gets worse, deeper, and better as I’m writing this.

As a kid I didn’t understand or know what pressure is and what it feels like. Everyday just seemed hard and I didn’t know why. Until 13 years old I started to develop this anxiety particularly towards tests. It was so weird! Every test I looked at seemed horrific from the get-go and no matter how hard I studied I was failing to retain knowledge. Then again… I had a weird habit of taking naps in the classroom. Climbing up this rocky hill, I am in high school now, so some time has passed since middle school and I thought, “maybe this *stupid* test anxiety will come to an end and I’ll be victorious!” I couldn’t have been anymore wrong… because it worsened. Regents were a big hurdle in my high school career and I had a tendency to fail most of them. I really did think about, I am so stupid. I spent everyday of my life self-deprecating because exams were getting in my head which leads back to the word “pressure.” I should’ve done better, I am trying to be better, I will always be better. Fast forward to my senior year of high school where there are even greater tests to worry about such as SATs and an AP exam at the end of the year! I think it was common knowledge that I am a weak test taker. Who can actually put me in a room where I could be cool, calm, and collected? No one, because it’s impossible. SATs made me feel like shit (sorry not sorry for the profanity) because all that time studying and having my mom yell at me to prepare was really getting in my head that I will fail and will never be on the verge of succeeding. Since the pandemic started the world’s “normal” had me doing school from online, and I felt some pressure off my shoulders because that’s the new norm that I have to get used to. AP exam season rolls around and I sat on my bed full of panic and test anxiety. Did I learn my lesson or am I gonna screw up? I took the test with conviction and didn’t think about it for a while. For some reason I wasn’t pressured this time… it really seems like I knew what I was doing and at the end of the day I tried my best. Wrapping this short story with a moral that pressure will get you farther when you least expect it.

Post graduation season I am a college student and have a summer job at a hardware store. My oh my working is a different environment but feels like school at the same time. Rules and regulations seem familiar but so different. This is what a discourse community is without realizing it, it’s where a group of people who share a set of discourses, understand basic values, and communicate to accomplish these goals. I never had a job before in my life, but whatever the job entails I read into it so I have an idea of what to do on an hour to hour basis. What’s definitely important is that customers are filling out the survey on the bottom of their receipt, so we can receive feedback of their shopping experience. I was told that customers filling out surveys, “helps keep the store running.” Now this leads me back to my main point, am I being pressured again? Yes, this is pressure and a different kind of for this matter. A job is much different than an institution and I am putting myself out there to please the customers and having to use social cues so they could understand me. I wish it wasn’t so hard or feel so hard but that’s just how life is. There would be team meetings to discuss goals for that week and goals for the store to improve, but I am being pushed too heavily which leads me to feel mentally stressed. All this pressure is being sucked out of my body to perform to the best of my ability. Sometimes, it seems so much I think about quitting. If I thought about quitting then I would’ve quit school because that was pressure too right? The work environment seems toxic to some extent but that’s just how it is for me and everyone else in this discourse community too. At the end of the day everyone is doing their job and following a similar as I do, so if this pressure is eating me up, I will fail, and I don’t want to fail.

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Carrie Hall

    Z, I’m not sure the word “pressure” is the best choice here. If you look at the words people have chosen, they are all words they say TO other people in their discourse community. This is a word that you feel (very profoundly– and I get it) but it isn’t a word that the discourse community uses to include or exclude people.

    But all is not lost! The word “normal” is something I would encourage you to examine! Remember– this doesn’t have to be a discourse community you want to be a part of, or even one that you fit into completely. But there is a lot of pressure to be normal. Let’s talk about this when we meet. I think that’s really what you might be talking about here.

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