5 thoughts on “Galina’s Essay 2 Draft 1”

  1. Great job Galina! I thought that your essay was very nicely written. Just be careful. In the first sentence you write that “The Money” was a life story…but then you say that it was about a boy when he was twelve years old. Is it a story about someone’s life, or about an experience they had when they were twelve? I like how you discussed the repetition of a robbery happening in the story. I thought that your analysis of “The Money” was spot on, and you eloquently described it. Your use of in-text citations was phenomenal, and really gives credit to the writer. Keep up the good work, and I think that you are on track to have a really nice essay!

  2. Hello Galina,
    This is a great essay. I find it interesting that you mentioned in our essay that Junot was expecting to see the excitement in his mother, “see the joy and happiness on her face; however, nothing was there”. I think you maintained a great flow in your essay and included all main points. You did a nice job,and keep it up. I am looking forward to reading your final draft. It would be great if you could make your essay link clickable (hyperlink), Also make sure to include a reference page.

  3. Hi Galina,
    Good job on your essay. This is an amazing essay. I like how you mentioned Junot thinks that his mother will be happy when he gave her the money. You had successfully included all the important details in your essay. Keep up the good work 🙂 I will be looking forward to reading your final draft.

  4. Hello Galina,
    I really like your essay you did a good job on being able to explain the quotes you used from the short story. I also liked how you were able to write the author name next to the quotation you used. Overall good job . I think you are missing the citation and don’t forget to make it mla style. After that you will be good to go.

  5. Hi Galina,

    I thoroughly enjoyed this first draft. I like that you included the whole plot but managed to write it with your thesis in mind. It made for easy reading and referencing. Also maybe going through the wording one more time to decide what the strongest word choice is would make for a stronger essay. You did an excellent job at MLA citations. And remember that the final draft needs to include a works cited page.

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