5 thoughts on “Essay #2 First Draft”

  1. Starlyn,

    Great essay! I think that you did a great job analyzing the deep reading ‘The Money’. I like how you addressed the questions that you would answer early on in your essay. I would be careful because there were a few areas where your sentences need to be restructured. For example, the first sentence of your essay does not appear to be a sentence at all. You write, “In ‘The Money’ by Junot Diaz a story about a Dominican boy whose family migrated to a small town in New Jersey.” I feel like you meant to say either, “In ‘The Money’, by Junot Diaz, a Dominican boy’s family migrated to a small town in New Jersey.” OR “The Money, by Junot Diaz, is about a Dominican boy whose family migrated to a small town in New jersey.” I think that your essay has great structure. Just try to read it carefully out loud and see if you pick up on any other grammatical errors! Great job!

  2. Hey Starlyn, I like your essay. I loved how you compared “The Money” and “The Purloined Letter” to show their similarity in both thievery acts. Another thing I like was how you structured your essay and even justifying why the character stole back from his friend in “The Money” by giving a reason to his motives that you analyzed in the text. I would suggest that whenever you quote something from a text make sure you write it in quotations and adding parenthesis were you insert the author’s last name and page number you got it from.
    For ex: He stated, “It took me two days to return the money to my mother” (Diaz 3).
    I would also suggest adding in a works cited page in this form for ex:
    Díaz, Junot. “The Money.” The New Yorker, 19 June 2017: 1-3.
    Last thing I would suggest is adding a conclusion.
    Keep up the good work!

  3. I liked your essay, Starlyn. I like how you compared “The Money” with “The Purloined Letter.” One suggestion to you is to fix the in-text citations and that you do the works cited page.
    I feel like your essay is not quite finished yet. You have to write a conclusion and use an outside source in your essay as well.

  4. Hi Starlyn,

    As stated above this is a strong first draft but you should create a conclusion to piece together the stories that were used with any parting words or questions. As others have said just make sure any grammatical errors are taken care of . In addition, every time you quote directly from the passage it should be MLA, “Quote” (Author, Page number). Also do not forget to include an updated works cited page at the end of your essay.

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